[newtothis31]

So.. I have been dating someone since the end of March and things are going very well. We both share the experience of being divorced from our college sweethearts- I am his first relationship post-divorce.

I was snooping through his medicine cabinet and saw pills that were clearly labeled for his ex-wife. They were geodon and olanzapine. So I am pretty sure she is also bipolar. I didn't check the date on the prescription so I have no idea how recent the medication is.

We have both agreed not to date other people, and we see each 1-2 per week. We have lot of fun, and my bipolar flare-ups have been very mild & not around him.

I still feel like my bipolar diagnosis is personal information... and I'm not comfortable sharing this although I know at some point, I will need to. I was thrown for a loop when I saw his ex-wife's medication.

When do you know its right to share? I'm not even sure how I would share it.

[Victoria'smom]

I think 6 months in. That way he'll get to know the real you and see some of your mood issues too.

[Sunflower123]

My concern is his attitude towards bipolar disorder if his now ex-wife does, in fact, have it. Was it the cause of the divorce? How did he respond to it during the marriage etc? Do you see what I'm saying? How did his ex-wife's potential mental illness color his view of it? I agree with the previous poster about giving it some more time. Let him get to know you better. Good luck.

Wow, I'd be leery about how recent that medication actually is.

As far as your situation, I would wait to say anything. Mental illness may be a sensitive subject for him and a possible reason behind the divorce.

[Plastic Fork]

I went through this recently. Same question, when is the right time? We read posts that people don't want their disorder to define who they are.. I'm an older person and I met someone I really liked, but I decided that there is no point in my investing a lot of time and emotion into something that that will not be. I spoke up and told her about Bipolar and even about an STD I have. She could deal with the STD, but was deeply concerned about Bipolar. We chose to put the relationship at friendship status.

Was I hurt? No, I know she doesn't understand Bipolar Disorder and perhaps in time, she will. I felt good about it because I cared enough about her to be upfront and open. It actually improved our friendship and she has more respect for me.

I think it is an interesting commentary on our society when someone could be more comfortable with a sexually transmitted disease than they are with mental illness. Especially when, for example, the person is an otherwise functioning adult with regular medication and therapy.

I'm not saying the person who is more or less comfortable about another person's mental illness versus an STD is a better or worse person.

I don't think there is a measurable, quantifiable right time. I think it's best to get a feel for the person before confiding but I feel in some cases this would happen within a day and for others it might take a year. Listening to our inner voice as long as we are well and have proper boundaries is a good indicator. Imagine being on the opposite side of this....dating someone for 6 months, and them dropping some giant deal breaking bomb on you. Is it wrong for it to be a deal breaker? No......would I want to waste 6 months on a person who thinks it is? No. Really and truly I think the moment a relationship is worthy of being exclusive and agreeing we won't date others and expecting them not to, these things should be discussed. But this is just how I feel and I respect that others feel differently. They are entitled.

Good luck with your decision and your relationship.

[Wild Coyote]

Be prepared, as you never know when the topic may come up. He may start sharing more about his ex-wife and their marital struggles and in doing so might divulge info about her condition. He might be upfront and make a statement about MI. You just never know when the conversation may arise and it may be before you'd planned to share on this topic.

I also feel we start sharing more deeply once we decide to become exclusive in relationships. Personally, I would consider sharing soon.

ElsaMars has written about this very well; I basically agree with what she's written.


WC

[newtothis31]

Ugh I know! I wish I didn't go through his medicine cabinet- I knew that I shouldn't have done it because I'd be upset if he went through mine.

Thanks for your advice!

[halus1]

As someone else said I think it depends on the person involved. I met a lady online a while ago (she lives in Jakarta and I haven't met her yet in person) - I told her very early on as I was feeling quite unwell. I just had a feeling about her - and she was lovely. I also contacted her the other day after not talking to her for a while - and she reacted very well and just said to tell her about how I was feeling.

The more I think about it maybe I should go and meet her soon. She sounds nice - haha.