My Depressions

Moose72 · Jun 11, 2017, 02:01 PM

We often hear the pairing "Anxiety and Depression". Why do they go together so well?

I was reading the posts here and thought, "You know, I rarely get depressed". In fact, the last time I remember being depressed was two, maybe three years ago when I was IP. They definitely let me know I was depressed! Somehow, I couldn't see it.

Then, I thought about anti-anxiety meds and how I've been posting about my pdoc not prescribing them- or if they work well, or if they're addictive.

Then it dawned on me: What if my frequent anxiety spells ARE my depressions!

Just depression turned inward?

Yes, in the past, I've had spells of crying "for no reason", catatonia, feeling despondent, and generally just not feeling engaged in life. But, far more frequently, I've had this inside-out depression.

Thoughts?

Unrigged64072835 · Jun 11, 2017, 03:02 PM

I'm not sure why both are comorbid, but it's common enough. Unless it deals with the same parts of the brain or neurotransmitters, I don't know. I have both and it's a struggle sometimes.

Wild Coyote · Jun 11, 2017, 04:36 PM

There are anxious depressions, too.

In my experience, I feel anxiety very differently than depression although they each may exacerbate one another.

Interestingly, my anxiety has greatly decreased as I've aged.
Depressions remain obstinate.

WC

liveforsummer · Jun 11, 2017, 06:00 PM

"What if my frequent anxiety spells ARE my depressions. Just depression turned inward? "

Hmmm that's a very interesting take on it.
You have me wondering, when I have an anxiety meltdown maybe depression was present. I've certainly had many combos over the years of depression, anxiety, panic attacks and hypomania.
It seems to manifest itself in all kinds of ways. Wouldn't be surprised if any combination is possible and they can intertwine masking behind each other....if that makes sense.(?)

Jun 11, 2017, 06:01 PM

It's possible you experience depression that way.

When I was still in school, I experienced a number of depressive episodes, but those episodes typically manifested themselves differently than the "sad" depressions we usually hear about. Lots of anxiety, anhedonia, rage, crying spells, etc., but not always suicidal thoughts/ideation. So the severities of these depressions were usually mild to moderate at most.

Between the mild-moderate severity and the "unusual" symptoms I had, I never thought I was depressed. My university's on-campus mental health facility even diagnosed me with depression when I told them all of my symptoms. However, of course, I ran away because I thought the depression Dx was a load of bullsh_t. "I have to be sad to be depressed! What liars!"

So I've found that mental health professionals tend to be good at detecting "odd"/"unusual" symptoms that go with depression. IMO, you should definitely talk to your T (if you have one) about that. If not, at least talk to your pdoc. Either one of those professionals can give you a lot of insight, and knowing where the symptoms stem from may allow you to cope with your symptoms better than you are now, especially if your anxiety tends to be "episodic".

Moose72 · Jun 11, 2017, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

It's possible you experience depression that way.

When I was still in school, I experienced a number of depressive episodes, but those episodes typically manifested themselves differently than the "sad" depressions we usually hear about. Lots of anxiety, anhedonia, rage, crying spells, etc., but not always suicidal thoughts/ideation. So the severities of these depressions were usually mild to moderate at most.

Between the mild-moderate severity and the "unusual" symptoms I had, I never thought I was depressed. My university's on-campus mental health facility even diagnosed me with depression when I told them all of my symptoms. However, of course, I ran away because I thought the depression Dx was a load of bullsh_t. "I have to be sad to be depressed! What liars!"

So I've found that mental health professionals tend to be good at detecting "odd"/"unusual" symptoms that go with depression. IMO, you should definitely talk to your T (if you have one) about that. If not, at least talk to your pdoc. Either one of those professionals can give you a lot of insight, and knowing where the symptoms stem from may help you cope with your symptoms better, especially if your anxiety tends to be "episodic".

I don't have a T. We sort of didn't have anything to talk about after a while. She ended up doing all the talking! I figured that was silly. And then she changed jobs. I have been thinking recently that I should get back with a T, if nothing but to mull over what's going on in my life. Lots. A graduating daughter, if nothing else!

When I was in patient 3ish years ago, they told me I was depressed. I didn't believe them. But I was slow and and had anhedonia, my speech was slow, to name a few.

I was catatonic back 15 years ago, when I was being seen for post-partum depression. This was before I was diagnosed BP, but I was having vivid hallucinations of

Possible trigger:

crushing my daughter's skull as I washed her hair, with blood

and I still can't believe nobody clued in on bipolar.

*Laurie* · Jun 11, 2017, 07:36 PM

Sometimes severe anxiety is termed 'dysphoric mania.' Instead of an 'up' mania, severe anxiety presents. For me, my formerly pleasant hypo-manias turned into uncontrollable anxiety in my 50's.

liveforsummer · Jun 11, 2017, 07:39 PM

Holy moly Moose72, your post hit home with me! I've had thoughts like your trigger over the years, not hallucinations but just thoughts as I know I would never act on them but I found it shocking to myself I could even think that way. My BP Dx came late in life and more and more it's putting the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together. Maybe I'll get out of the denial stage soon.
Thank you for your honesty. Without honesty this whole exercise would be fruitless.

Moose72 · Jun 12, 2017, 06:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Holy moly Moose72, your post hit home with me! I've had thoughts like your trigger over the years, not hallucinations but just thoughts as I know I would never act on them but I found it shocking to myself I could even think that way. My BP Dx came late in life and more and more it's putting the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together. Maybe I'll get out of the denial stage soon.
Thank you for your honesty. Without honesty this whole exercise would be fruitless.

These types of thoughts just play out in front of my eyes. I don't "think" them; they are just there. They play on top of real life. A book I have called "The Bipolar Handbook" by Wes Burgess, M.D. Ph.D calls them "Horror Movie Hallucinations".

jacky8807 · Jun 12, 2017, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

These types of thoughts just play out in front of my eyes. I don't "think" them; they are just there. They play on top of real life. A book I have called "The Bipolar Handbook" by Wes Burgess, M.D. Ph.D calls them "Horror Movie Hallucinations".

interesting. I always just considered these intrusive "scenes" but considered them thoughts. I have had them many times. it really is like a horror movie scene. but I feel it's sorta different than an outright hallucination which I have also had.

liveforsummer · Jun 12, 2017, 07:02 AM

Hmm ya now I don't know if I think it or just see it

raspberrytorte · Jun 12, 2017, 07:04 AM

This thread is interesting.

I originally went in to see someone because my anxiety was so bad. I wasn't depressed. But my doctor put me on an antidepressant anyway.

Moose72 · Jun 12, 2017, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

This thread is interesting.

I originally went in to see someone because my anxiety was so bad. I wasn't depressed. But my doctor put me on an antidepressant anyway.

Yeah. That's because the two are so intertwined.

Moose72 · Jun 12, 2017, 02:41 PM

In other news, my a/c is back on and boy do I feel better. I went out for a couple hours and when I came back the apartment was cool again! Now my youngest is playing the piano. A/C can definitely lower the anxiety level.

Wild Coyote · Jun 12, 2017, 03:43 PM

I am also thankful for AC. It's a hot day today.
I'm glad yours is fixed.

WC

Unrigged64072835 · Jun 12, 2017, 03:58 PM

My AC is working hard now. It will be until October probably. I hate open floor plans.

Moose72 · Jun 12, 2017, 04:04 PM

You know what the big problem with it was? There's a light switch in the furnace/water heater closet. It got moved the wrong way and that shut off the heat and a/c! Simple! I don't know who tripped it but I told the kids to stay out of that closet. We were in there a few days ago when fixing the washer hoses, turning water off and on.