[wonderluster]

I have been here just a few days. I thank you all for taking time to say thanks, give a hug and reply to me. It means everything to me.

I am surrounded by people in my physical life now, but I feel so lonely. Loneliness is the most painful thing we can feel. To help ourselves not be lonely we have to reach out and make an effort to connect. I have done that here and I am so grateful for all who have responded in anyway.

I will continue to try to reach out where I am. It is so difficult as I am in a foreign land and I am having trouble connecting. What makes matters very hard is that I feel very little connection with the woman I came to marry. We talked online for over 3 years, but now that I am with her there seems to be nothing between us. She still wants to marry, but I am having serious doubts.

[wonderluster]

FOLLOW-UP:

I am finding as I make efforts to connect that this feeling of disconnection is likely all in my head. It is difficult, to say the least, to be involved personally with anyone if one has mood and thinking disorders. I have been diagnosed with BP & PTSD. I will continue on my path here. Things are looking up!

[wildflowerchild25]

I have trouble with disconnection too, especially when in an episode.

[scatterbrained04]

I also struggle with disconnection. So much so that I feel less lonely when I'm not around people at all.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I have trouble with disconnection too, especially when in an episode.

Wow...Ya...I could be having rapid cycling going on.
That is a strange trip and even stranger in a strange land with strange people.

You gave me a wake up call. Things make more sense now.
I have been on the edge for so long that I forget that I am on the edge.
What a trip.

Thanks!!!

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I also struggle with disconnection. So much so that I feel less lonely when I'm not around people at all.

I know exactly what you mean!

It is so nice to get back in touch with other "special" people like me.

It's a crazy world out there...Or is it a crazy world in my head?

Thanks!!!

[Sunflower123]

Hope you continue feeling better and have continued clarity.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Hope you continue feeling better and have continued clarity.

Thanks! It is difficult being acutely conscious of myself and everything that goes on around me (and everything that happened or could happen) My difficulties with navigating and operating in this world are on many levels if I allow myself to go to my special hell. I think I will take a break from it for now. I must make a monumental life changing decision, but I think I can forget about it for a while.

[x_blessed]

I too think I am going through a phase of disconnection. Could this be the reason for my feeling lonely...

[NeedHaldol]

A lot of times, when I go through depression, I pull away from the world. It is so easy to live in that dark place, a void where nothing matters and the world is miles away.

I used to spend a lot of time there. I loved it. I didn't want to be well and social and polite and nice.... F*** all of them.

But I realized that the dark place I was in was a creation of my own imprisonment. I started to enjoy the light, even for just a little while.

Now, after years and years of thrashing about with my illness, I live in the light and avoid the dark at all costs.

The light has much better things in store for you.