I keep saying I've been "stable" for 7 months. In reality I've just been out of the hospital for 7 months, but I'm not necessarily stable. It just sounds so good to have been stable for over half a year.
If I'm completely truthful I had a hypomanic episode a couple months ago, and I'm in a depressive episode right now too, and, as my dad says, I'm "spiralling." If I'm completely truthful, I'm experiencing paranoia related to cameras and phones right now.
I don't want to be truthful. I want to be stable so I can lower my dose of clozapine. That's probably not a good idea, but I just want to get on a lower dose so I sleep less than 12 hours a day and so I can lose weight more easily.
I want to not need meds. I want to not have bipolar. I'm livid that I have to deal with this ****.

[Wild Coyote]

I happen to think your anger at BP is well-founded, totally justified and, in no way, abnormal.

I also think it's normal to want to be seen as "stable," even when maybe we aren't so stable.

We work hard for stability and that work should count for something, whether or not it begets "stability."

Our meds often have significant side-effects. There's a trade-off, a trade-off from which we often tire.

It's a ****** illness. Of course you're livid!
Me, too!

Maybe the big question is: What do we do with our anger?


WC

[NeedHaldol]

My diagnosis came as a relief to me. There were finally some answers to my mental state and actions.

I have been in and out of hospitals, traded therapists/psychiatrists, different cocktails of meds.

It took me over 15 years to get stable.

An important distinction you should remind yourself - You are a person with bipolar, not a bipolar person.

The meds make you foggy and exhausted in the beginning, but if you stick with them and figure out which ones work for you, it is life changing.

[Astridetal]

I totally understand your wish to not be mentally ill or, now that you are bipolar anyway, to be in remission. However, denial of your symptoms will only make them worse and will mae it harder for you to reach actual stability.

[Sunflower123]

I get angry too...more along the lines of this is not fair and why can't I be stable for any length of time. I've discovered, however, that honesty is the best policy with your doctor or you're potentially headed for a train wreck. I encourage you to talk to your doctor about the things you've posted here. I agree it's a ****** illness. Best wishes.

[*Laurie*]

I admire your desire to be stable. I don't think anyone who has mental illness wants it, and most of us are pretty angry about having it, and about having to be on meds with all their side-effects.

[Unrigged64072835]

I actually have been stable for quite a while, but I notice that my mood is generally more flat than slightly wavy. I don't worry or freak out even when I probably should. So I don't know if it's real stability or just a side effect of the meds. I do know it's better than what I had before which was depression all the time.