[glowsinthedark]

I'm so sad about my uncle's brain cancer. And now I find my old OCD habits creeping back in (having to do with health anxiety). I'm sad that my ex-boyfriend is now dating my cousin, but have to keep my mouth shut since her father is dying (and how petty am I for even having these lingering feelings of anger and insecurity?). I'm sad that my stepmom likes to taunt me with their relationship: "maybe they'll have a baby now because her dad is sick" (he and I had to have 2 abortions together). I'm sad that my husband doesn't seem interested in me sexually anymore, and I'm sick of talking about it like it's a passing phase. I hate myself for thinking about anything but my uncle and his suffering. I'm doing everything I can for him. I'm doing all the research for the family, and all the phone calls I'm equipped to make. If it's not enough, I'm worried that deep down they'll blame me - for not finding out about the right clinical trial, for somehow misinforming them.

It's just so so hard right now, and yet I don't feel like there is room for these selfish feelings. Sorry for complaining so much lately :/ Thanks for listening

[Victoria'smom]

It's mot fair you're doing all the leg work and will be blamed later. It's really, really sucky your cousin would even think about dating your ex and your mom is being uncalled for for saying things like that to you. Can you see a therapist more often during this time? It sounds like you need some support and you're not getting it.

[Wander]

That's a lot of stress to be under. I agree with Miguel's Mum, you should seek therapy if you have not already. That is way too much to handle alone. In the meantime, we are here for you so keep posting.

[Sunflower123]

I would encourage you to see a therapist as soon as possible because you need support. Don't feel bad about thinking about something besides your uncle, you still have a life that you need to tend to. Do you have time right now to go to couples counseling with your husband? Try to ignore your cousin, ex bf and your stepmom when you can...they are idiots. I wish you the best.

[Wild Coyote]

I feel it's of utmost importance you save yourself first. This means attending to your own needs first, including your marriage.

I understand your feeling you need to do the research for the family and more. Is this truly rewarding? It sounds like certain people are rather "punishing" toward you?

Nobody else can work on your marriage. I hope it's a priority for you.

I agree with Jennifer: Is couples counseling possible?

You have so much on your plate.
Please take extra-special care of you.


WC

[hopeless2015]

Hugs, you do have a lot you going on. I agree you need to take care of yourself!!

[x_blessed]

I'm sorry that you are going through all of these unfair situations. Especially with being the only one doing research and caring for your uncle's illness. There is no need to feel selfish because that's not the case, you need to care yourself and it's okay. Your health and wellbeing is just as important.

[glowsinthedark]

Thanks, everyone. I know I really need to get into therapy, it just feels like such a futile effort - finding someone covered by my insurance that I'll actually get along with AND will be able to see me sooner than in 3 months...ugh.

Had a long cry-filled talk with my husband last night. It was good. We are still really in love and are able to talk about difficult things without fighting or hurting each other. We both recognize we have a problem with intimacy, partly due to the fact we both get really obsessed with work and tend to (unintentionally) ignore each other because of this - not exactly the best form of foreplay :/ Anyways, I think he is finally getting it through his head that just coasting along this way isn't going to work anymore. I know he really loves me and is attracted to me, I just really miss that feeling of being overwhelmingly desired (probably the fact we got together while I was kind of manic set us up for future disappointment).

Anyways, it helps to write it out 'in public.' All of this is hard to talk about with people close to me because it involves them (!) Yes, this is what therapists are for - I know, I know. I'll work on it. As for my stepmom (who, by the way, is only 8 years older than me), yes, she is kind of a jerk sometimes. And yes, it is really ****** that my cousin (who happens to be my best friend) and my ex bf are dating. But I love her too much to let it ruin our friendship. Plus, she's family.

[Fuzzybear]

[Unrigged64072835]

Wow, that's a lot of stress. You need emotional support. Hope you'll be able to find a therapist soon.

[liveforsummer]

Wow Glows that load on your plate just keeps getting bigger. Sounds like you and your hubby communicated really well, I'm glad to hear that.
Sounds like you're also trying hard to keep the family situation in perspective despite it being messed up. Nothing wrong with wanting to help and be a support but not at the expense of your health or own personal relationships. Take care and HUGS HUGS AND HUGS!!!