[nomo/fomo]

My dr is saying my elderly mother raising her hand to me (and hitting me) or grabbing and twisting my wrist is NOT violent. She says she could "give me a book" about parents being violent to their children and suggests we talk it out in session with both parties present. There is clearly something wrong. The day of the first in recent series of incidents, mother claims she got out of her car to yell at some aggressive drivers in a parking lot. I want to report my mother to APS but there would be no one to take care of my father with Alzheimer's disease, and my mother is paying my dr's bills.

It's a messy, complicated situation, therefore because I live with them at the moment.
This is recent in the last 5 days or so, so if I report it makes sense to do it soon.
Her sister already asked mother by phone about two weeks ago if I was "abusing" her and if she was "safe", only because I asked mother to withhold information about leaving my recent employment from sister, and this way she manipulated her into telling the story. Dr says about this: Sister is important person in family and there may be some "bias" against me because I have had some hospitalizations. I am concerned if I contact APS sister will come forward or there will be trouble because I have this "hx".
For the most part I am high functioning and don't want this to get in the way of my future goals.
I am not prepared to assume responsibility for my father, financial or otherwise.

Just curious what the feedback is. I have suspected this site is only for the sickest, like the blind leading the blind. It would follow that it would be a great forum for drs or drs-in-training to float "test cases" and I wouldn't be surprised if that's what goes on here, under guise of many handles.

I want to just forget about this and do what I have to do to advance myself. The ideal outcome might be something like getting mother into mandatory counseling. Is that possible through APS?

[Sunflower123]

I don't know the answer to that last question but I can tell you unequivocally your mother is being violent towards you (and I hope it is only you and not your poor father). That's assault. If you go to APS, I don't know if they would try to remove your father or have you care for him until she meets certain requirements. Hopefully other posters will have more knowledge. Best wishes.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

When I have worked with people in home health where APS was involved they mostly are making sure that appropriate supervision is there, that there is food, heating/cooling, etc. They may offer counseling but I've never seen them mandate it. Mostly they are just making sure the vulnerable party is being taken care of. I have seen them push for nursing home placement but even then in the case I'm thinking about they left it as "either you need to have 24 hour care in the house by tomorrow or you will need to work with us to find a nursing home placement". I vaguely recall one case that I think they did require nursing home placement when there were significant psychiatric issues involved. Other things I remember them doing were providing resources like connection to a charity that gave free air conditioning and then requiring it to be used when a patient was in an unsafely hot home or helping to find adult day care.

I guess what I'm trying to say is at least here APS provides resources more than anything else and when they mandate something it is usually for physical safety.