[Miss Laura]

Over the last 2 months I have been feeling like a complete bum. Yes I admit I have stopped my meds kinda back on them. So that isn't probably helping. But I feel I don't contribute anything to life anymore. I was mostly optimistic with life even in the dark days.

I do contribute to society as I volunteer at 3 different organisations working in different fields.

BUT!!!!!!

Why do I feel like I am this bum. I worry all the time about what people think of me. I mean if I don't work what do people think of me. I have tried getting a job but to no avail. I went to college didn't like it. I am not academic. I feel like I am just this bum sitting here bored out my mind with no-one to talk to. Everyone I know works so I clutch onto them when they are on holiday and are staying locally. This causes problems as when its over with I feel abandoned. I know this probably all sounds trivial to you all and it probably is but to me its real.

I worry about what my parents tell people they meet about me. I have discovered Bipolar runs through my Mum's family as 2 of her Cousin's 4 times removed (she is into her family tree and communicates with her Cousin's online) their children have Bipolar. So I now know that Bipolar runs in the family where as I have been led to believe it didn't. I was crying in bed the other night. I feel like I am "broken" in some way. I am masking it all with my happy face so people don't ask questions. I don't like to bother my friends as I know they are all leading their own lives and they don't get me when I am depressed I don't think.

Anyways thanks for reading my stupid self wallowing post.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I have a summer job but when it ends I will be unemployed and I feel the same way you do. I know our identities shouldn't be wrapped up in our jobs but I feel like a huge loser, no job, living with my mom at 30. I really want to start dating again but I feel like I have nothing to offer. So I understand. I hope we can both realize we are not losers! And you're certainly not worthless. You do volunteer work, that's not worthless at all!

[Miss Laura]

Thanks Wildflowerchild25,

I am 32 and feel like I have wasted the last 6 years since not having a job. Every year I think this is it, this is my year to get a job and get some normality back in my life. Then I go and screw up again. I don't have relationships and I don't think I ever will. I haven't had a partner in 7 years. My friendships are to pot. I have 2 very good friends and other than that I have been ditched by the rest.

I feel lost in a sense!

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I understand. I went to school for many years to train for a profession I really loved and feel it was a waste. I accept that I might not work again anytime soon (my pdoc says no) but it's hard when people naturally ask what you do. It's awkward and painful. I hope you start feeling better about yourself soon.

(((((((((MissLaura))))))))) You are NOT worthless. I'm sorry you are feeling that way.

[gina_re]

I'm feeling completely worthless. I gave up everything and I'm basically a bum now and my life is going to crap. So I feel your pain.

[Wild Coyote]

You are worthy.
Our work/career doesn't define us.
Society acts like our work is our identity, but it's not true.

Cherish your two good friends. Many people in the world do not have two good friends.


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

I've felt that way for quite a while. It's hard not having a job when that was my identity for so long.

Right now, though, my "job" is to improve my mental and physical health as much as I can. Taking classes this term has shown that I'm still having problems handling stress, and that needs to be worked on.

Is there something vocational that's offered where you're at? Maybe hands-on would be a better approach.