Update

So, I am still IP (been 16 days now) and am really struggling. The fact that I am not getting better is getting me down. I want out as I can't take this anymore but I am still fighting for stability. Pdoc has changed some of my meds. On Lithium, Lamicatal, Saphris and Clonazepam. Plus PRN Seroquel, Haloperidol and Ativan. I am worried about the mix of AP's so I am going to talk to my pdoc. Each one has different benefits for me so i am not sure which one to cut ... and yes, I have gained 3 kg in the last three weeks.

I am apparently in a mixed state where i mostly feel very depressed and agitated but sometimes have brief hypomanic euphoric periods. If I don't improve in the next few days my pdoc wants to try rTMS (trans-magnetic stimulation) which will keep me IP for another month ( my insurance won't pay for out-patient treatment oddly).

Has anyone had rTMS? Does it work? I am out of options and hope. I started university semester last week and couldn't go to classes. how I feel now I doubt I will make it this week which means I will have to defer the semester. The thought of this crushes me. I am lost, drowning in the dark and at the end of my rope.

Sorry to be so negative. It is difficult to be positive or hopeful right now.

I've been wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry about school. My mom was a college professor and it seemed like every semester she had at least one student dealing with mental illness and struggling (or needing to drop the class). There was one student who tried so hard and just couldn't meet the requirements even with a great deal of help and my mom was the one who had to tell her. She earned a degree in another field, went to grad school in that field and then got really stable so went back to school and got the degree she had wanted in the first place. She's not working in that field successfully. So there is hope.

That is a lot of medication! I can't believe you are awake.

I hope you start really feeling better soon.

Yeh, it is a lot of meds. I guess the agitation keeps me up, kind of mixed dysphoric mania. However I am bombed out at night so can get enough sleep.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough but glad you are getting the help you need. Your mental health and wellbeing takes priority over school. I had to take a semester off college for severe depression but was able to go back and get my bachelors and masters degree. I hope you get stabilized and start feeling better soon.

I'm sorry you're still unwell.Hopefully something improves soon.

Thinking of you and sending big hugs!!

Wishing you better days soon!

Wander hope you get better soon.

I'm so sorry you are struggling and I hope you can find some lasting stability soon.....I hope the doctors can find a workable long term medication/therapy option for you and that everything with life and school works out in a way which brings you peace and comfort. (((Hugs)))

I hope you find a good med combination soon. The school can hold off for a semester. I had to take time off during my degree, but went back and scored high marks. Best of luck to you.

Wishing you the best. Hope you get well soon.

Sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. I hope you find some relief soon.

A semester off might be a good idea, give you some unpressurized time to reach and stay stable.

Hi Wander, I can understand why you're feeling discouraged. But I give you credit for staying IP for now. You are doing all you can to be better- and you will be better, eventually.

Seeing my pdoc this afternoon. I have many questions. My mood today is great as it was yesterday afternoon but before that I was very depressed. This swinging is disorienting and destabilising. Makes me want to give up. I'm so over this roller coaster. Even though my mood is good I'm very agitated and irritable. An uncomfortable feeling.

Thanks for the support everyone. It helps me immensely.

Saw my pdoc today. I am now full off Prozac and Lamogrogine is being increased again as I have no side effects. He is trying to stabilise my mood. Yesterday morning i was actively suicidal but by 5pm I was hypomanic, and still am. I am enjoying the break but am worried about the crash. I am so fed up with the rollercoaster.

On the plus side I am going to go to university tomorrow and Wednesday and have hopes I will be able to do both units justice if I can stabilise. Did a bit of study today to catch up on last week but am behind on preparations for this week. I will just have to wing it. I am doing an Advanced Grammar unit and a unit on Poetry.