[Illinois2011]

8.6.17

feeling anxious and antisocial, wont open the door, wont answer the phone etc
been sleeping very much and pulling back from my family
-> family problems, leashing out at husband and kids
the few friends I have I have been pushing away
been driving wrecklessly with my eyes closed while hoping for something to happen – even when my children are with me at times
I feel like I am going to totally loose it, it keeps on gaing ground within me
I am taking Tysabri somewhat hoping it will kill me (high risk treatment for me)
prior sexual abuse? Cant remember but "know" something happend
been slightly cutting and burning myself (never done that before), only superficially
been having nightmares
looking to trigger myself
I want to pull my hair out, one at a time to make the pain last, I want to scream and never stop
I was very low from about 14-18. Cutting, drinking, partying, eating issues, suicide attempts. When I met my husband, had my kids etc everything seemed managable for a while. It is all creeping back up and much more heavily so than it ever did during my teenage years.