Forcing myself to work

bewise93 · Sep 06, 2017, 05:47 AM

I had been not working for the past 3 years because of debilitating bipolar. I did not always shower, brush my teeth, clean up the apartment,etc. We've all been there. But now after Seroquel, which has helped me so much, I feel better to an extent. My parents hired me because they have many different rentals. Yesterday, I spent 4 hours cleaning an apartment someone left a mess. Refrigerator, disgusting, food on the ceilings, carpets nasty. I took one 5 minute break in the 4 hours. I was testing myself to see if I could do it. During the first 2 hours I was so fatigued and cussing up a storm to myself about the resident that lived there earlier. Well I shampooed carpets, cleaned and cleaned. I got paid 20 an hour since, well, it's a family business. I thought I couldn't do it, but I did it. And towards the last hour, it became easier. I still often feel like just laying on the couch and doing nothing even though I'm not as depressed. I think I have a depression mentality. What I mean by that is I was so ill for so long, now that I'm taking better care of myself and working, it's harder. But it amazed me I could do that yesterday. Today I paint the walls of that apartment. It also amazed me I could take care of my parent's foster kids that stay with them once a month. We had soooo much fun. Of course, bipolar will always tried to steal my sunshine, but I've found that just trying to live with it the best I can, I feel better about myself. I also cleaned my room and apartment after the boost in self esteem from yesterday's job. I keep telling myself, "I can do this." I may need a little more coffee and red bull, but I can do this. I won't over exert myself right now, but I will try my best. This morning I don't feel like taking a shower, but I am starting to get out of the depression mindset from 3 years of depression. It's like when I start feeling well, I have the previous bad habits. I consider this a success. Yay me!

Sep 06, 2017, 05:51 AM

That is awesome, thank you for sharing!

I personally find working gives me a feeling of accomplishment, and I think that's especially important for someone struggling with mental illness.

BastetsMuse · Sep 06, 2017, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bewise93

Yay me!

Yay you indeed. I'm still at the place where I don't shower every day or brush my teeth....and I take antidepressants, so I don't know when or how I will get myself back together.

I'm proud of you.