Struggling

Hey good people,

So I am writing cause I am going through a rough patch right now. I've come off my meds except a small dosage of one.

I am finding it increasingly harder to manage my feelings. I have been working really hard to manage my feelings, not let them get the best of me/buy into them or act out of them but it is getting harder. It takes a lot of energy to o this.

This is starting to effect me more at work. I am starting to get concerned about my ability to keep it together. Sometimes I get very tired of the struggle.

I have a diagnosis of BP. I appear to be moving out of depression maybe heading towards mania (unfortunately my "mania" is usually mixed. Not fun for the most part)

And yet I struggle and have struggled with the whole BP diagnosis. Don't want to be. (Yes, I know no one Wants to be) I just double up with, "If I can just get through this, I'll be better" or "F" this ****. I ain't BP and I don't care what you say.

I am getting to the point though of where I am just tired of the struggle. And concerned. I want to surrender and just go back on meds. But maybe, it will get better....

I just have to put this out in the ethers. I don't have a therapist. I can't talk about it with my family. They don't know I've tapered myself off my meds except for a sm. dose of one. So, it's psychcentral.

I'm glad you posted. While I don't recommend coming off meds without the help of a pdoc, I respect your decision. I know you are working hard to manage this but it sounds like it's deteriorating. Please keep a close eye on it and have a plan should you need to contact your pdoc pronto if needed or go IP.

I truly hope it gets better for you. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Hi sorry you're struggling. Can you perhaps see a therapist for a little while until you get through this?

Welcome back to PC.

I am sorry you have reason to reach out here; yet, am glad you are doing so.
Great suggestions made by our friends in previous posts.

I, too, hope you start feeling better soon.

WC

I'm sorry your feeling bad right now. I hope it gets better for you. Just saying though....going back on meds is not surrendering. If you had diabetes would it be a surrender to go back on insulin?

I'm so sorry that you're struggling. I completely relate to having a lot of mixed manic episodes, and it's a horrible feeling!! How do you feel about going for therapy? Even if it's just for during this time, where you need a little extra support. So sorry that it's hard to talk to family. Psych central has definitely helped me in that way, as far as support. Listen to your inner voice/intuition when it comes to making a decision about what's best for you during this time. I often find that ignoring my own needs is what gets me in trouble. Anyway.....I hope you feel better!

I was in denial about being bipolar. I was afraid to be on scary-sounding meds. I wish I hadn't run from diagnosis and medication. It is no fun screwing up in front of everyone at work if it can be prevented. In my case, I think it would have been, but that is yet to really be determined.

Think about consequences of being off meds. One doc told me being off and allowing myself to have more episodes can make my condition progress. That was sobering.

I really encourage you to work with your doc