[dshantel]

So nothing is getting better. There are 2 months and a few weeks left of this year and no end in sight to all my misery. This entire year has been spent mostly in a depressed state with some hypo and mixed thrown in there. I don't even think I've had an ounce of stability. All of my episodes for the majority have been triggered by situational stress, life changes and not being able to adjust. I don't see our situation changing anytime soon and I just want out so bad. So on a weekly basis about 90% of my conversation is with children, 7% with my husband and 3% with strangers. 97% of my times is spent at home and 3% someplace else. I have seriously thought about just leaving. I can't keep doing this much longer or I'm just going to completely lost it. I can feel it. The very thin string doesn't have much room left to stretch. I had an appointment Wednesday and I have another Thursday but I feel like there's only so much she can do. If my situation doesn't shift or change I don't see how anything will get better. This is affecting every aspect of my life. I can't be a good mom or even a good wife because all I can think about is wanting to get away from all of it. Right now I just want to be me. Can I just be alone for like 6 months, I would be glad to take 3 or even 1.

[bpforever1]

I feel your misery. I was feeling down myself today. I just take it one day at a time hoping for better days. I am all alone in another country with nobody to talk with. It is a lonely existence at times. I hope your situation improves and do does mine.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I feel your misery. I was feeling down myself today. I just take it one day at a time hoping for better days. I am all alone in another country with nobody to talk with. It is a lonely existence at times. I hope your situation improves and do does mine.

Oh I'm sorry that your in a different country alone. I hope things can turn around for you for the better.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I definitely understand what you are feeling. It hurts to feel like I dont even want to be part of my own life so sending hugs and I'll be thinking of you. Im a stay at home mom of three and my husband works a lot. I didnt have any friends until I hit this euphoric hypo or maybe mania in August for 2 months. Now I'm fun and talkative and people like me but I'm sure when the depression hits I will be alone again as usual. Except my husband he prefers the normal depression over the unpredictable mixed and hyper states. I spent most of my life depressed and after finally getting "help" in January i have been on 6 different meds plus a sleeping pill. I have been mostly in all kinds of weird mixed states or at least that's what I would describe them as and its all been medication induced for me. I have been inpatient 3 times and just got out a week ago. I'm faaaar from being stable too. What a crazy year. Here's hoping for a more stable 2018, maybe we should be happy this year is almost over.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

I definitely understand what you are feeling. It hurts to feel like I dont even want to be part of my own life so sending hugs and I'll be thinking of you. Im a stay at home mom of three and my husband works a lot. I didnt have any friends until I hit this euphoric hypo or maybe mania in August for 2 months. Now I'm fun and talkative and people like me but I'm sure when the depression hits I will be alone again as usual. Except my husband he prefers the normal depression over the unpredictable mixed and hyper states. I spent most of my life depressed and after finally getting "help" in January i have been on 6 different meds plus a sleeping pill. I have been mostly in all kinds of weird mixed states or at least that's what I would describe them as and its all been medication induced for me. I have been inpatient 3 times and just got out a week ago. I'm faaaar from being stable too. What a crazy year. Here's hoping for a more stable 2018, maybe we should be happy this year is almost over.

I can't believe all yours is medicine induced, that's terrible. Hope you find what works for you though. I have no hope that 2018 will be any better for me.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Originally Posted by dshantel

I can't believe all yours is medicine induced, that's terrible. Hope you find what works for you though. I have no hope that 2018 will be any better for me.

I will have hope for you❤(I hope that's ok?) I am extremely lucky to be in a positive place right now. I can't even read things I wrote earlier this year, I know the feeling of having no hope that things will ever get better

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

I will have hope for you(I hope that's ok?) I am extremely lucky to be in a positive place right now. I can't even read things I wrote earlier this year, I know the feeling of having no hope that things will ever get better

Yes that's ok. Thank you!

[Victoria'smom]

Can you go back on meds to see if that helps?

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Can you go back on meds to see if that helps?

No insurance.

[Victoria'smom]

look at your pharmacy's prescription plan. They have meds as low as $4. The walmart, CVS, walgreens, and sam's club all have generic list of medication for cheap. If I loose my insurance my meds (pill form) is $14 at sam's club. Sam's and walgreens both have membership fees.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

look at your pharmacy's prescription plan. They have meds as low as $4. The walmart, CVS, walgreens, and sam's club all have generic list of medication for cheap. If I loose my insurance my meds (pill form) is $14 at sam's club. Sam's and walgreens both have membership fees.

I will look into it and talk about it with my therapist. I feel like most if my depressed episodes this year have been triggered by my situation so even I do get the meds the underlying issue will still be there. It would be great to not have to deal with mental illness making everything worse but it won't take away the problems that I'm having.