kinda sad

Today I called my lawyer to see if they had an update about my disability case and the secretary said it could take several months to hear anything back. I've already been waiting 2+ years. So maybe I'll hear something in January. I just wish I could know the decision so I could plan accordingly.

Last night I was up most of the night so I signed up for health insurance. Got a plan for $58/mo for me and my husband since he doesn't make much. All my drs are covered. I had looked at the plans last month and it was saying most of my drs weren't covered so I'm glad that changed. I'm not going to pay my first months premiums till the 15th in case my husband gets a job with insurance in the meantime.

I called my GP's office to set up a physical for next year and the soonest appt they had was April 11th. i wasn't expecting a 4 month wait. Oh well.

I really need some sleep. Haven't been sleeping well for the past couple months. I'll do fine for 2-4 days then either sleep 4-5 hrs or not at all. It's really wearing at me. I know my pdoc would probably tell me to go back on saphris but then i sleep 11-13 hrs a day. I'm not cool with that.

Next week I think I'm going to volunteer at church. The secretary is supposed to get back to me. She emailed me yesterday cause she needed help but I was at the focus group all afternoon. Hopefully she can give me more warning next time.

I just feel bummed out in general. Hopefully I can sleep tonight and I'll feel better tomorrow.

Ugh paper work and logistics... the worst. I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time and that the red tape is preventing you from getting the help you deserve. It's really messed up! You deserve so much better. Take comfort that many of us have had issues like this and we support you 110%

I once had an issue where I was having moderate psychotic delusions and hallucinations. I couldn't actually speak with a psychiatrist for a month and a half because mine was on vacation/family leave (no one told me). I had to basically get all my help from nurses and on call doctors. It was a mess and I was lucky that I didn't lose everything and end up locked in a hospital.

Sleep is very important though. With little support I would consider bearing the burden of 11-13 hours of sleep if it meant I was with less symptoms and could actually enjoy the time spent awake. Over time the medication I take reduces my need for that much sleep though. It starts at 14 with a big increase and eventually it gets to 9-10 which is okay by me. Idk I guess you have to weigh what stability is worth to you. Would you rather be alert and miserable, or satisfied but tired. Also, everyone is different. If you are drowsy, sleeping 13 hours and not getting symptom relief then... totally not worth it.

Glad you are getting out and about, that's great! Keep on swimming through this, you will see the other side soon enough. Hugs!!

Overall I've been pretty stable. Just today sucks. Saphris makes me mad cause I sleep all that time then am groggy all damn day as well. I was on it for about a year and a half and that side effect never went away. I think it was just amplified cause it was mixing with the other meds I'm on. Right now I'm on lamictal, carbamazapine, geodon, gabapentin, nuvigil, and have PRN klonopin. I also take zonnegran for migraines, diclofenac and soma for back pain, dexilant for heartburn, an antiviral, and am on the depo shot for birth control. I think that's it. lol. I think I'll just take some klonopin so I can sleep all the way through tonight. I hate doing it but it's the only thing that helps sometimes. I only take 4-5 klonopin a month cause i'm an addict and don't want to become addicted. Not a huge fan of downers anyways. Today is just a blah day. Tomorrow will be better. It doesn't help that my dad died on the 23rd of this month in 2007. It's gotten easier, but it still hurts. I think tomorrow I need to get high asf and listen to deftones to remember the good times. It seems the only way the memories come back to me is if I do that. Life goes on.

Digital Bath

'Cause tonight, I feel like more.
Tonight I feel like more
I feel like more.....
Tonight....

Hey there .....I hope you hear some good news soon. I’ve been where you are. Some people post how quick they won. Well it was a uphill battle for me too. Keep your head up. I’m glad you found insurance. I wish your husband the best of job with his job search

Thanks coco.

I spent an hour listening to music and looking at memes and feel a bit better. Stupid to worry about **** I have no control over.

Mother ****ing ********. can't sleep. ugh. I passed out for like 2 hrs but now i'm wide awake again.