To much changing

So my husband wants to go after his masters degree. He would start part time working towards his AS degree. He thinks he can handle part time.Every time we’ve tried school BP gets in the way by us signing up when manic and failing out depressed. He’s not manic but fear of the future. He doesn’t want to do the co-ops after my son graduates 2.5 years. However he feels that he can do it because he volunteers for 8 hours So he wants to be an adjunct at our local college when everything is done. Now we’ll have to take out loans for him to go. I’m worried because he can only make so much for me to keep SSI / medicaid (which we need given that our meds are well over $1k each.) and we’d have to pay the loan too.

He plans to go online so he can continue his volunteering. However I’ll have to be encouraging. Especially when he gets depressed. I know it will be hard and he’s taking his medication intermittently. I’m worried this will end in a hospitalization. I’m jealous he feels well enough. I’ve thought of going back but know I can’t. He’s already saying if he fails out he’ll feel like a failure. I don’t want him to feel that way. I worry about being left alone when he’s an adjunct. I know that’s about 12 years from now but I’m a planner. I need to get a handle on my own **** or I’ll end up IOP or IP. I wish I had a T to talk to. For this to work I need to stay well too. He can’t succeed if he has to visit me IP or worry about my health. On top of this he signed me up to volunteer for 6 hrs 1x a week. I feel everything is quickly becoming too much. How do I try making this a reality without becoming more unhinged? I’m already stressing and it’s just ideas.

What is preventing you from seeing a tdoc? I think that if you want one you should definitely see one. What you described sounds like a stressful period, even if it is meant to be a very positive and exciting period.

Starting studies online is something I, personally, recommend. Though I'm not going for a Master degree, I did take some college courses a while back. I first started auditing a class at my local university. I'll confess I only made it to 50% of the classes, but that was actually good progress for me. Then I took three online college classes, one course per semester. Taking classes online, for me, turned out to be great! I got an "A" in all three. I will admit that the effort I had to put into each was much more than what I put into college classes back in the 1990s. Back then instead of taking only 3 credits in a semester, I could take 18. How I did that back then, I do not know.

That sucks you both pay $1k per month for meds. I used to pay that much maybe 8 years ago when meds I took were ONLY available as name brand. Since then I've been taking almost all, or now all, generic versions. I think my grand total for meds each month is around $50. With my insurance, most of them require only a $2-10 co-pay. Generics rock!

You both will have to be diligent about sleep hygiene and self care in general. Of course it’s going to be difficult for you both but I think it’s very possible that you both will increase in stability and striving for a goal. He’s being smart to only take small steps at one time.

Hopefully he will become more compliant with his meds.

Good luck to you both

What is preventing you from seeing a tdoc? The last one said we weren't making progress and I felt to judged to tell her So no T's better then that T

I've thought a lot about my jealousy and talked a lot with my husband. I'm going to sign up for an online school that prepares me for the clep tests. It's $100 for the year and I can go as fast or as slow as I need too but each clep test cost $100 more. So most likely I won't take the clep test but the option is there. If I do clep I can get it down to only taking 5 classes at the college and maybe one day I'll feel strong enough to take classes but for now I have to prove to myself I can dedicate and stick to classes for a whole year without it pushing me over the edge.

I'm trying to go to bed at 11 pm every night. He's not as well at that but hopefully with everything starting up again soon he will be.

I think it’s great you both are going to focus on taking classes and online to improve yourselves. The routine will really help you both

I hope it all works out for both of you, sounds like a great opportunity. Big hugs.

Bettering yourself, in any respect, is always a good thing. I understand the "sign up manic and fail out depressed' syndrome. It took me a year and a half extra to finish up my master's degree ( literally had 2 classes left) because of my depression and how out of control it was. My teachers judged me very harshly, telling me to keep going, but I knew I wasn't able to.

The break was beneficial and a necessity. I got my degree with a 3.9GPA no less (I'm proud I took the time to finish when I was ready to, it saved my GPA (which I cared about a lot back then)).
My point is -- if you or your husband absolutely have to stop -- do NOT feel like a failure. You have to take a pause sometimes in life and re-align yourself to your goals. Sadly us BP folks have to do that more than others. I am rooting for you guys from the sidelines! Taking the challenge on is a step further than many will go, and perserverence doesn't have to be without pauses. Just don't lose sight of it!