On a different forum I read such a sweet post from a teenage girl who was sad that her older sister was in the psychiatric hospital for the second time. She was asking the forum what more she could do to support her sister. She listed so many things that she has done in the past, and it really warmed my heart, but reminded me how so few people in my family supported me at my worst.

During a four year period I was hospitalized 10 times, half for full blown mania (some w/psychosis), and the other half depression (some with psychosis). Only my husband ever visited me, despite my dad and siblings living only 35 mins away. My husband would call my dad and tell him (again and again) that I was in the hospital, and all he would say was "Give her my best, and ask her to call me when she gets out." I remember that often when I got out, I didn't even bother.

I'll admit that sometimes when I was in the hospital, perhaps my mental state would have frightened them. But other times, not so much. Or when I got out, there were many days I could not handle basic things like cooking dinner or running errands. So often when people are sick, families rally together and help the sick member with these basic things. Instead, my husband did almost everything.

I will admit that there was one occasion when my husband was on a business trip that he asked my brother to stay with me. I was still very unwell. Luckily my brother did, and I think that finally his eyes opened up a bit.

My nephew was hospitalized nine times in his short life. Other than my sister, and occasionally my b-i-l, I was the only relative that visited him. No, once my dad actually did, but only because the psychiatrist requested it because my nephew had to live with him after the hospitalization.

Something I really regret is not visiting my nephew during his last hospitalization. I called my b-i-l and he told me my nephew was getting out that day or the next, and not to bother visiting him. That ended up not being the case completely, but my nephew's stay was pathetically and tragically short. If I knew what was to happen, I would have spoken my mind to the doctors and nurses at that hospital.

[Victoria'smom]

My family doesn't know when I'm hospitalized or how much I struggle and I like it that way. I hate being fragile and rather them not know the how BP effects me and my family.

[liveforsummer]

Yes, as much as they can.

[Wild Coyote]

My husband and my mother are supportive. One niece is supportive. Nobody else in the family is supportive. The family is very dysfunctional with a lot of active alcoholism. There's a lot of fighting, usually with one sister at the center of it. I keep my distance and make it clear that I want/need peace.


WC

[HALLIEBETH87]

A couple support me but mostly it's a few friends. Most people are used to me ending up
Ip and don't really care. I don't bother asking for visitors anymore.

Yes 3 of my sisters are very supportive. Both parents have passed so don't have them. One sister is really ignorant about mental illness, so I don't talk to her about my issues.

Really miss my mom. She was always a great support.

[Naynay99]

Really only my parents know about it. I try to not involve them unless it's really bad. During a bad depression I did ask my mom to come to a pdoc appt with me once. But I think I sort of ambushed her by not warning her ahead what was going on. Surprise mom, I'm BP!

But based upon how much my mom supported me during physical illness I'm pretty sure they would if I asked. I prefer not to worry them though. The only think worse than feeling depressed is also having to worry about someOne else worrying about you.

My mom was a nurse so I'm sure she has experience with MI. But when she started reading a memoir I had finished about depr/BP she asked me with horror "is that what it's like?!" So I keep a lot to myself. It's all on a need to know basis and I don't think they need to know everything.

I did almost call my mom last spring and beg her to come up to see me, as I wasn't totally sure I was gonna make it thru the night but I didn't want to put that on her so I didn't.
I'm sure she can tell when I'm not myself but overall I try to not to lean on them too hard. I do know I am lucky though that if I did need them they would support me.

[Guiness187055]

My wife and son are supportive. I don't speak to my parents anymore and my siblings don't get understand.

[wiretwister]

my wife ... I tried to hide it even from her but it was not possible , after my ip the two boys were brought in as part of my release agreement ... but they know as little as possible ... I have not had nor asked for help or support from anyone else ... part of my issues is to isolate as much as I can ...

[Daonnachd]

In the five or six times I've been inpatient, the only visitors I can recall are my mother- and father-in-law. "How nice," you say. Sure, they came to visit, but then proceeded to lecture me about prayer and faith. If I read the bible more I wouldn't be in the hospital.

As awful as that was, it's my MIL who drives me to ECT every month pretty much. Fortunately, she doesn't lecture me any more. So, support? Yes, but a little myopic.

My wife doesn't know quite how poorly I get because I don't want to worry her. So I don't count it a lack of support from my wife. My mom and siblings are far enough away that they can't really do anything for me, so that's a closed topic.

[Sunflower123]

Most of my family and many of my friends don’t get it so they are supportive to the extent they can be. My sister is not supportive at all (I’m in a rut). Ironically, the person I’ve tried the hardest to hide it from, my daughter, is the one that recognizes and totally gets it. She is really wise.

[xRavenx]

I don't have kids, and I am not married, but as far as the family that I grew up with, I only get a certain type of support. I can't talk to my mother about my mental health, and she is very blunt, not realizing how she can be hurtful. That being said, she is there for me in other ways. I'll talk to her about other things, so I try to accept her limitations. She does care, deep down, but I've faced challenges with her and still do. We are close though in other ways. It's just that in an era where there wasn't much awareness or acceptance of getting help, she just doesn't understand. It's very hard sometimes though, and I still have some mental scars. Although my dad is also there for me in certain ways, he is unable to be there on an emotional level. He is a poor communicator, although his heart is in the right place. I was never able to bring these kind of issues to him, since he doesn't understand and feels uncomfortable.

I recently revealed my issues to my brother, and he opened up about his mental health issues to me. He was supportive, but we have the kind of relationship where I have the role of being the one to give advice as the "big sister." I can't really go to him in the same way that he can come to me with a problem. One form of support: although my grandmother can't quite understand certain things, she is a good listener and very confidential. It means a lot to me.

Although I am thankful for their ability to give me support in other ways, I really wish I had the type of support I needed growing up. I'm coming to acceptance though.

[annielovesbacon]

I haven't told anyone in my family. I am in university and still on my parents' insurance, so they know I take some type of medication (currently an antidepressant and two antianxiety meds, but I am starting a mood stabilizer tomorrow, i think) but they think it's just anxiety, "just normal college student stress." I'm afraid to tell them.

[scatterbrained04]

My 12yo sees somewhat how it effects me because he lives with me. He's as supportive as he's capable of being, or that I'd want him to be at 12. I try to hid as much as I can from him.

The rest of my family doesn't care to hear how it effects me and are minimally supportive.

Originally Posted by rose1985

Yes 3 of my sisters are very supportive. Both parents have passed so don't have them. One sister is really ignorant about mental illness, so I don't talk to her about my issues.

Really miss my mom. She was always a great support.

Rose, my mom died just months before my first hospitalization. I always wonder what my fate would have been if I had had her support. She was loving and a strength in my family.

[richeyd80]

I am a very guarded person and haven't told many people, including family about my illness. But, over time I realized that I do need a support team.

My wife is my number one supporter. No matter what I have done or feeling, she is there to help me.

My best friend. While he is a liscensed therapist, he speaks and treats me like a concerned brother.

My mother, my sister and my mother in law support my family when having hard time or when hospitalized.

I also will put my two sons in here as well. They are younger, but they provide me with support, while not understanding what they are doing.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing on this topic. I understand wanting to keep the pain from family, but I do wonder if I would do the same in the same way if I rather had a physical ailment vs. a mental illness. I certainly do believe more people would have visited me in the hospital if I was there because of a bad car accident vs. mania.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

My family got sick if my **** after the second IP stay. The four after that, they didn’t even know about. Last time I was IP, my bf tried to leave me because I did some really messed up stuff to land me in there.

A few years ago, my dad would have talked down to me. I couldn’t hold down a job and this embarrassed him badly. Then I decided to attempt SSI again. When I made this decision, I called my dad and had a very long convo. For the first time in 12 years, I spilled my guts and explained to him that I couldn’t hold down a job. He would either have to accept who I was or I was done with trying. I was very sick at that time. Finally at the end of the phone call, he said “you know what?? You’re right. I agree and you need to get better.” I fought tooth and nail for years to hear him say that.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thank you, everyone, for sharing on this topic. I understand wanting to keep the pain from family, but I do wonder if I would do the same in the same way if I rather had a physical ailment vs. a mental illness. I certainly do believe more people would have visited me in the hospital if I was there because of a bad car accident vs. mania.

I imagine you would have had more visitors if you had been in a car accident.

From my experience, people tend to deal with all "chronic" illnesses in the same way, whatever their style. I have chronic physical illnesses and these do not get the same response as a car accident. My chronic MH and chronic physical issues/conditions are largely misunderstood and without support.

Important topic, by the way! Thank you!


WC

[Teddy Bear]

My family is very supportive. My sister came to visit me almost every day when I was in the hospital. My whole family has visited me in the hospital. I live with my brother and he checks on me.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Rose, my mom died just months before my first hospitalization. I always wonder what my fate would have been if I had had her support. She was loving and a strength in my family.

Yes my mom was too. She definitely held the family together. So sorry to hear about your mom.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Yes 3 of my sisters are very supportive. Both parents have passed so don't have them. One sister is really ignorant about mental illness, so I don't talk to her about my issues.

Really miss my mom. She was always a great support.

This is so sweet!
I long for truly loving, supportive relationships with my sisters.
Sorry you've lost your mom.

WC

I'm so glad that some of you do have good support, but I do understand those who wish to keep things more private. I can tell you that in my family support has grown for me recently mostly because of the suicide of my nephew.

My sweet nephew was afflicted with both Asperger's Syndrome and bipolar disorder. Though I did have a major breakdown in my teens, his teens through early 20s were mostly one long string of sufferance, while I did get some major breaks during that period. His illness was much more in their faces than mine. I was mostly hidden 35 mins away with my husband. My nephew was even forced to live with my dad after my other nephew had a restraining order against him.

I grew extremely close to my psychiatrist over the years. I have to say that it took me years to really figure out, but the transference I developed for him was probably one as a substitute for my mother, oddly enough. I still utterly adore my psychiatrist, but in the recent 4 years I've grown to really rely on my therapist, too. Prior to that I had terrible relationships with therapists.

[Pookyl]

I think my family tries it's best. No one lives less than 2hrs away.
My parents were in shock for the first year after diagnosis. There's no family history of bipolar.
Subsequently My dad completed a Diploma of Counselling at the age of 70 and my mum has become my phone life line.
One of my sisters works in mental health and she's brilliant. She's told me this morning that I need a PRN. I said maybe later.
My other sister - as useless as tits on a bull
Hubby - what can I say? He's sooo worn out with supporting me that I wish I could hide my moods better
My young adult children - have seen me at my worst and seem to be spooked. I try to hide my moods from them. They know though because I tell them they don't need to study when I'm manic etc.

Oops this turned out a bit long.

[1978dd]

My wife gives me an incredible amount of support, much more than I deserve. I admit I’m tough to live with!