[Venine]

Hello all,

I don't have bipolar disorder per se but a moderate case of cyclothymia. The word cyclothymia pretty much describes my normal mood swing patterns.

Ever since I've broken up with my ex girlfriend back in 2016, December to be precise, I've been having trouble while taking naps. Mild-moderate Cyclothymia roughly increased in intensity during this year. No more digression, so when I nap, typically for 20-30 minutes, I always wake up with heart palpitations and a state of anxiety and perception obfuscation. The dreams usually consist of something regarding the past, my ex girlfriend and the circumstances, moments, certain memories in an unusually symbolic way which are potent enough to give me heart palpitations due to them constaining some deviant element for eg. My ex smiling at me like the Cheshire cat and subsequently everyone around me, something revolving around mystery, unsaid moments, half analysed situations with a sudden twist, oftentimes themes of isolation, paranoia. However, They have been increasing in their morbidty, for an instance, today I dreamt of drowning and I was actually spitting out spit as water and choking in reality ( I realised that after being unable to distinguish between reality and dreams), I was killed in the dream too by having my neck snapped which I could vividly feel as well including getting stuck in false awakenings. I've been diagnosed of LFT, close to ADD which my shrink think is the source of all the instability and invariable dysthymia characteristised by random short bursts of manic moments. I was put on strong ADs, L-carnosine and for time-being, mild schizophrenia meds as well. Regarding my social behaviour - you can think of me as a comparatively affable version of Dr House. I've good committed friends. However I'm very paranoid about trusting people and my anger is very volatile when I'm irked which led to the destruction of my recent relationship driving me to the brink of extreme depression.

This situation has been taking place for quite a long time 1.5 years. My eating patterns are erratic and so are my behavioural patterns usually. I also oscillate between being extremely apathetic to being too empathetic not to mention the fact that I attempted to mentally destroy my ex for breaking my trust which was an overreaction because after evaluating my behaviour from my perspective and from a third party, my behaviour was predatory and psychopathic. Due to opportune intervention of my friends, I was saved from the wrath of getting into legal trouble. I sought help immediately after the whole incident. I was in a good state of recovery until I hit a spot again like right now which renders me capable of being psychopathic again.

I will greatly appreciate if someone tries to evaluate this from a psychological point of view and make sense of my behaviour. My shrink is effectively confused and so am I. Also, is this statistically common and whether my behaviour resonates that of a bipolar person, mild or extreme notwithstanding.

PS: the above propositions put forth are obtained after a lot of cogitation and interviewing everyone around me. So it is objective to a good extent.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Venine: I'm sorry I cannot comment with regard to your concerns. Hopefully there will be some other members, here on PC, who will. We here on PC cannot diagnose you. Our purpose here is to provide one another with support as well as to share experiences & information. I recall you mentioned you see a psychiatrist. But I don't recall you mentioning if you see a therapist. From my perspective, if you're not, working with a skilled therapist may, over time, help you to come to terms with everything that is going on with you.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!