[xRavenx]

Has anyone here felt that they shared too much with their pdoc, and it came back to haunt you....or so you thought? I just had that happen to me today. I might need her to sign off on something soon, but I was all over the place and needed my meds upped. Now, I'm pretty much kicking myself, because the way I presented to her as kind of off and was not feeling like myself. I hate giving her the impression that I am like that every day, because it is true that I am slowly but surely improving and having more confidence, although I am not entirely stable. It's still hour by hour. I might be feeling horrible later, because I wasn't feeling good earlier, but I'm up and down. She did notice my affect is brighter, but she seems to think I am too impulsive, but I am starting to think more about my decisions and doing better. The med increase is just starting to take place.

My mind is a little clearer since she upped my medicine though, but I am still jumping around a little too much mentally and anxious....but less so than a few weeks ago. I just feel sometimes I need to hold back, instead of giving her a bad impression. It's frustrating when you're seen as "unfit" as far as your decisions go until further notice, and I want to be seen as someone who can think for themselves and make choices. Okay, so I had a few bad weeks, but my pdoc has a tendency to get over-involved in my choices. She tends to be motherly towards me. She means well, but I'm pretty upset with myself.

[LadyShadow]

Yes! This is my fear realized. I have ALWAYS held back stuff from my pdocs because of fear of them messing with my pills. When I got the right doctor, who was REALLY smart and actually LISTENED to the fact that I felt totally overdrugged and I know I could do better, and do most of the work myself, he weaned me off the really heavy stuff and took a chance on giving me less medication.

The road has been HARD, not running to the pdoc every time I completely lose it or having an off day. I even had a complete mania explosion happen and ended up in the hospital, even though I took my meds just as my pdoc prescribed.

I will admit, when pdoc that took the chance on me (who lowered all the meds), went to private practice, I had to be really careful with what I said to the new pdocs, resulting in me changing pdocs several times.

I think the key is getting a pdoc that you trust that will listen to you, and not just write scripts based on your feelings. You also have to discern what and what not to reveal and whether or not you can handle the Hell of the Swings that having Bipolar sometimes lash you with.

My journey has led me to a place to where things aren't perfect, (so hard to sleep at night), but I have found a balance where things are not completely crazy. Sure I can go to the pdoc and say up my Seroquel so I can calm down at night and sleep, but do I want to wake up in more of a fog, and go through the day feeling emptier and flatter than I feel already? I choose to bear it and handle it myself and accept that I will have these moods, and as long as I am not COMPLETELY crazy and manic, or desolate and depressed, I can live happily in the medium, even if I go up and down a little.

It's up to you how your relationship with your pdoc is, but if you feel you CAN do it without a ridiculous amount of meds, be honest about it. Complaining about every little thing you can probably beat by yourself, just gets you overdrugged to the point where there is nothing left.

I am not discounting your feelings, I am just saying that if you can make it and you were doing good, and you just have a hiccup or an off day, you don't need to go to the pdoc with it.

[xRavenx]

Thanks, LadyShadow. I told myself prior to my meeting with my pdoc that I was going to hold stuff in and not get too detailed about stuff. She kept and kept asking more and more detailed questions on stuff I wanted to avoid talking about. She'll ask me personal stuff sometimes, like how much something costs, very specific details about my financial matters (even when I feel I am doing well), and I feel bad about offending her when I don't want to tell her certain things. I hope it wouldn't hurt my doctor-patient relationship with her if I sometimes tell her that something is personal, and I'd like to keep it to myself. Sometimes there needs to be boundaries, and since I struggle with setting them, this makes things worse.

Once I was having a problem with a friend and was feeling bad about him misinterpreting a text, and she immediately asked if I could read it on my phone. It felt a little uncomfortable, and I just said I don't have the conversation on my phone anymore. Sometimes things feel a little intrusive, so I think I should practice telling her how I feel without going into much detail.

I don't want to paint the picture that she isn't a good doctor. She has helped a lot, but I'm still feeling really bad about how today's visit went. Maybe I need to be careful about what I say from now on and not overshare. I hate the feeling of wanting to take back things that I've already shared.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Thanks, LadyShadow. I told myself prior to my meeting with my pdoc that I was going to hold stuff in and not get too detailed about stuff. She kept and kept asking more and more detailed questions on stuff I wanted to avoid talking about. She'll ask me personal stuff sometimes, like how much something costs, very specific details about my financial matters (even when I feel I am doing well), and I feel bad about offending her when I don't want to tell her certain things. I hope it wouldn't hurt my doctor-patient relationship with her if I sometimes tell her that something is personal, and I'd like to keep it to myself. Sometimes there needs to be boundaries, and since I struggle with setting them, this makes things worse.

Once I was having a problem with a friend and was feeling bad about him misinterpreting a text, and she immediately asked if I could read it on my phone. It felt a little uncomfortable, and I just said I don't have the conversation on my phone anymore. Sometimes things feel a little intrusive, so I think I should practice telling her how I feel without going into much detail.

I don't want to paint the picture that she isn't a good doctor. She has helped a lot, but I'm still feeling really bad about how today's visit went. Maybe I need to be careful about what I say from now on and not overshare. I hate the feeling of wanting to take back things that I've already shared.

Ah, okay, I think I understand a bit more. Well, all I can say about that is, that you should put what you said in the back of your mind, first, since that's the past now, and you can't redo it. Moving forward, you should keep in mind that its her job to interpret your feelings and make you comfortable, so you shouldn't be afraid to speak up when you don't feel right about something she is asking or it is intrusive. Speaking up because you are uncomfortable shouldn't hurt the doctor/patient relationship if she is a REAL professional and good at her job.

I know you are walking a fine line, and you unsure of things and feel you might have said too much and you want to try and put up good boundaries. So practice self-assurance, and try your best to hold it together when you go see her.

Do you also have a therapist? I know for me, I unload EVERYTHING on my therapist rather than my pdoc. Honestly if my pdoc knew about half the crap I say in therapy, he would probably be scribbling tons of scripts on his notepad for me.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Ah, okay, I think I understand a bit more. Well, all I can say about that is, that you should put what you said in the back of your mind, first, since that's the past now, and you can't redo it. Moving forward, you should keep in mind that its her job to interpret your feelings and make you comfortable, so you shouldn't be afraid to speak up when you don't feel right about something she is asking or it is intrusive. Speaking up because you are uncomfortable shouldn't hurt the doctor/patient relationship if she is a REAL professional and good at her job.

I know you are walking a fine line, and you unsure of things and feel you might have said too much and you want to try and put up good boundaries. So practice self-assurance, and try your best to hold it together when you go see her.

Do you also have a therapist? I know for me, I unload EVERYTHING on my therapist rather than my pdoc. Honestly if my pdoc knew about half the crap I say in therapy, he would probably be scribbling tons of scripts on his notepad for me.

I used to have a therapist, but I need to find one in network. My old therapist only takes Medicare now. Although I like how my pdoc shows interest in my life, maybe it's a little too much interest. Something that came up specifically that I was a little embarrassed to write, but I feel comfortable sharing now: my pdoc last year signed off that it was okay to get cosmetic surgery. I didn't like how both doctors had to talk in the first place, but if that's what it took, I just went along with it.

I had a complication that needs to be fixed. I happened to tell my pdoc that, because she would ask me how I was doing with that. At our visit, my pdoc kept pinning it on the surgeon I had, when really all along it was something that the surgeon didn't do wrong. It was just something that occurred that could have happened, regardless of how well the procedure was performed.
I don't think she understands and kept trying to pursuade me to see someone else. She knows that I've been planning to have this fixed the entire year. This is nothing new.

She gave me a name, but I really don't want to. I did tell her I'll meet with my surgeon one more time. This is what she said: "I don't want to sign off on anything saying it's okay unless your less anxious." I just happened to be really anxious that day, but I am feeling confident now about going in to see my original surgeon and don't want her to sway me otherwise.

I don't want my pdoc or surgeon (either party) to discuss my treatment, other then my medication list. I don't think this time around my surgeon will need clearance. He'll only need my medication. I am afraid she'll open her mouth and say way too much. I feel like I'm treated as if I'm less competent then someone else, when I can make educated decisions. This is really affecting the way I feel.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I don't want my pdoc or surgeon (either party) to discuss my treatment, other then my medication list. I don't think this time around my surgeon will need clearance. He'll only need my medication. I am afraid she'll open her mouth and say way too much. I feel like I'm treated as if I'm less competent then someone else, when I can make educated decisions. This is really affecting the way I feel.

Is it possible to specify this?


WC

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Is it possible to specify this?


WC

As far as what I said when it comes to my pdoc opening her mouth, I am afraid that she will basically say that I am too anxious and unsure that I want to follow through with this, or to just leave everything alone. I had some skin over stretch when I had breast surgery, but it was something that could have happened with a little much activity after surgery, which is a risk one automatically takes when going through with a procedure. Everyone heals differently. I was debating whether it was worth fixing, but I have been wanting to fix this for a long time, as soon as I realized it came out with some asymmetry. It is not a difficult fix. My pdoc was too quick to blame the surgeon, yet she admitted she never had this surgery and does not know anything about cosmetic surgery. I am completely sure I want to fix this and decided to go with my heart and stick to my original plan. I have one more visit scheduled with him for last-minute questions. I really want to do this though.

After talking to my mom about it this morning, she actually gave me advice. She said "your surgeon is not even likely to ask your pdoc anything. It's just a revision. The original surgery was already finished." My surgeon was quick to say that I can just go ahead and schedule the surgery, without coming in again. I just scheduled a last visit for him at end of Feb in case I have more questions. My surgery is in April. I have to call the office tomorrow and tell them I just want to pay a deposit. I was too quick to tell them I'll pay it in full.

[Wild Coyote]

That's a great insight on your mother's part!

My pdoc is also my therapist. I have known him for 20 years. He is retiring soon and is helping me to find someone to replace him. I have specified I'd prefer to not have a female. I know this sounds very biased; yet, I have had female therapists and, in each case, they did not honor boundaries, in my opinion. Too "motherly" and intrusive.

A friend of mine had a female pdoc/therapist reading my friend's phone and analyzing her various relationships based upon texts! How absurd! I would never let a therapist evaluate my interpersonal relationships based on texts; I'd never disclose the texts to begin with. (My friend was very new to therapy.)

I am cautious about female therapist because of my own experiences and those of friends, as well. I know it's not fair to generalize based on gender; I am sure there are some very skilled female pdocs/tdocs out there.

My current pdoc tells me that studies show: the more frequently a pdoc/tdoc comments in a medical record, the more biased the medical personnel become against the client, no matter the content of the pdoc/tdoc's note. Thus, some of the wisest pdocs/tdocs will not involve themselves in medical matters on the record. Others, if they are somehow mandated to comment, keep involvement to a bare minimum. Involvement/over involvement in the medical record can be a gross disservice to the client ( says my pdoc), leading to bias against the client.

I hope you can move forward without involving your pdoc again in this surgery. You are a competent adult!


WC

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

That's a great insight on your mother's part!

My pdoc is also my therapist. I have known him for 20 years. He is retiring soon and is helping me to find someone to replace him. I have specified I'd prefer to not have a female. I know this sounds very biased; yet, I have had female therapists and, in each case, they did not honor boundaries, in my opinion. Too "motherly" and intrusive.

A friend of mine had a female pdoc/therapist reading my friend's phone and analyzing her various relationships based upon texts! How absurd! I would never let a therapist evaluate my interpersonal relationships based on texts; I'd never disclose the texts to begin with. (My friend was very new to therapy.)

I am cautious about female therapist because of my own experiences and those of friends, as well. I know it's not fair to generalize based on gender; I am sure there are some very skilled female pdocs/tdocs out there.

My current pdoc tells me that studies show: the more frequently a pdoc/tdoc comments in a medical record, the more biased the medical personnel become against the client, no matter the content of the pdoc/tdoc's note. Thus, some of the wisest pdocs/tdocs will not involve themselves in medical matters on the record. Others, if they are somehow mandated to comment, keep involvement to a bare minimum. Involvement/over involvement in the medical record can be a gross disservice to the client ( says my pdoc), leading to bias against the client.

I hope you can move forward without involving your pdoc again in this surgery. You are a competent adult!


WC

Thank you. That is so true, I never thought of it that way....I can see how female therapists/pdocs could potentially take on that "motherly" role, and therefore that opens itself up to possible boundary issues. Although I love my mom, we have had our fair-share of problems, especially involving boundaries, so it was definitely a trigger for me to begin to experience that with this pdoc. I already have a mother, LOL, I don't need another one dictating how I should do things in life (surprisingly though, my mom is supportive lately). I am just going to have to be firm about what is to be disclosed and have the right to do that. HIPAA violations are no joke, so I am sure she would have to honor minimal disclosure if I tell her that is all I consent to. At the end of the day, my surgeon might not even ask for my medication record. He isn't even requiring another visit, since he had me move forward and schedule the procedure, without any further concerns.
I just worry too much.

As far your friend's pdoc analyzing her relationships through text messages...that's definitely a boundary issue, and not professional!! This pdoc has those tendencies sometimes. I even had a previous female therapist ask to see what my ex boyfriend looked like, by showing her a picture. I showed her on the spot (because I have problems saying no...I know that's bad), and she said he was a former client of hers!! Needless to say, I never made an appointment with that T again and warned her not to ever treat me the way she treated him by violating privacy laws.