[That1chk78]

Well I don’t really know where to start but I would love some insight to let me know I’m not alone or a hopeless lost cause.
I’m 26 recovering IV addict.
Diagnosis was first at age 14 in my first behavioral hospital. I suffer years of physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse beginning at age 6 that to this day has absolutely traumatized me. I have come to terms with everything i just can’t forget it is the problem. I’m haunted of visions, flashbacks, and entrapment of racing thoughts of my mind that never stop.
In the last 6 years my mental illness,bad luck, and self medication of drug addiction has cost me everything and I’m still not able to recover,and I’m terrified I may never be able to.
I have zero support, no family or friends, but have remained sober a year now.
In the span of 6 years I lost my baby from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me, my husband left and divorced me, I lost two homes one to a tornado and another to eviction because my mental illness got so bad I couldn’t work.
I am currently awaiting approval from disability. In the last year I have been to two hospitals and 1 long term “faith based healing” That I failed to complete because I could not function as medication of any kind was not allowed so I decided it was time to leave that facility. I went 5 months of sudden stop of medication and have been out of treatment 5 months I’m back on all my medications but, the last 4 months I suffer from severe depression, I’m about to loose my home because I cannot work as I have developed agoraphobia, I have multiple seizures a day caused by epilepsy and my anxiety is through the roof. I was a musician,artist, and writer. I now sleep for days at a time. Have absolutely no desire to do any of my old hobbies or have a interest to do anything at all. It takes all I have to even shower anymore. I am barely able to take care of myself at all anymore. If I’m not sleeping I’m staring off in space oblivious to anything going on around me because, I’m so lost in my head with racing thoughts or flashbacks of my past it’s like the lights are on but no ones home.
Add all that on top of the years of abuse and trauma endured as a child and I feel like I’ve gone absolutely insane.
I often have ear ringing or hear static and my attention span is gone completely.
I have been contemplating yet another hospital stay but think I may be at the state hospital point for some long term care I don’t know what else to do?

[Daonnachd]

I wish you well.

With the description you give of how you are functioning now I feel a hospital stay might be the best next step.

Good luck.

[Victoria'smom]

Try a short term hospitalization. If they put you long term know you need it. They don't do that lightly.