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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2016
Location: appalachia
Posts: 921
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Feb 18, 2018 at 02:58 PM
#1
As a child, he gave me a lot of attention, but when I grew up he wasn't around. As an adult he was critical and lacked empathy. I know he loved me but he couldn't show it.
My step-mother, (he cheated on my Mother and remarried three times,) told me he had been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Depression. He took a ssri and sometimes he wouldn't take them and he'd get super mean with rages and my step-mother would threaten to divorce him if he didn't take his meds. He was an alcoholic, died of liver cancer. At first after he died, ( one week ago,) I felt nothing, was even secretly glad. Now I am teary...depressed, anxious. Almost admitted myself to the psyche ward. Having rapid cycling. The moods last about half a day then switch. My therapist left her practice. I'm going to try and find another one. I feel like I don't love him enough to warrant grief counselling. Thanks for listening, just needed to share this. |
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,434
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Feb 18, 2018 at 03:05 PM
#2
Everyone deals with grief in deifferent ways. Just because you weren’t close doesn’t mean you’re not going to feel grief at his loss. I would definitely try to find a new therapist. My therapist has been invaluable with helping me process my husband’s death.
I’m sorry for your loss and come here any time to get some support. And don’t be afraid to seek hospital if necessary. I had to be hospitalized one week after my husband died. It gave me a chance to be by myself for a few days and process what had happened without my family breathing down my back or my young son to care for. __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: canada
Posts: 2,007
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Feb 18, 2018 at 03:11 PM
#3
Grief is experienced differently depending on the situation. It is not one thing and the loss of a parent is a big deal. It can bring up a lot of emotions. That is all part of grief too.
__________________ BP 1 with psychotic features 50 mg Lyrica 50 mcg Synthroid 2.5 mg olanzapine |
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 72,169
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Feb 18, 2018 at 03:28 PM
#4
((((((((((((Zijax)))))))))))
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 577
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Feb 18, 2018 at 03:31 PM
#5
I’m so sorry for your loss
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing!
Posts: 4,660
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Feb 18, 2018 at 03:33 PM
#6
I hope you find some peace & clarity this all this. Hugs!!
__________________ "Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,323
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Feb 18, 2018 at 03:45 PM
#7
So sorry for your loss.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 9,645
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Feb 18, 2018 at 03:56 PM
#8
That's a really tough one. Thanks for trusting us enough to share your loss. I hope you can find some peace in this complicated emotional situation. Be good to yourself.
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2010
Location: Under the noise floor
Posts: 18,579
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Feb 18, 2018 at 04:20 PM
#9
So sorry for your loss.
My father was physically and emotionally abusive. When he died, though, I did feel a loss. It was more like he never acknowledged what he did and while I forgave him time and again, there would be no reconciliation between us. |
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Wanderer of Distant Stars
Member Since May 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York
Posts: 25,075
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Feb 18, 2018 at 04:23 PM
#10
I am deeply sorry for your loss too, I mean me and my dad had a really horrible relationship when I was growing up and I spent years angry at him, so I can understand where that emptiness can come from when you feel like you need to grieve.
I wish you all the best, and I hope you find a therapist to get you through this. ((Hugs)) __________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love |
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Legendary
Community Liaison
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735
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Feb 18, 2018 at 04:24 PM
#11
My father was very abusive. I'd had mixed feelings about his death. I'd felt guilty about the mixed feelings. It'll take time to sort things out. I hope this does not trigger an episode for you. Please take care.
 WC __________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. 
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,057
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Feb 18, 2018 at 05:26 PM
#12
I am sorry for your loss.
__________________ Guiness187055 Moderator Community support team |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
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Feb 18, 2018 at 05:49 PM
#13
My condolences on your loss, zijax. Please be gentle with yourself going through this.
Don't worry how you "should" or "should not" feel, just let it be what it is at any given moment. These things are complicated after all. Take care.
__________________ *********  Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 3,418
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Feb 18, 2018 at 05:56 PM
#14
I'm so sorry for your loss!!
__________________ Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
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Feb 18, 2018 at 06:00 PM
#15
I am so sorry for your loss. You definitely have a complex grief situation. I hope you find someone good to help you
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2016
Location: appalachia
Posts: 921
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Feb 18, 2018 at 06:33 PM
#16
Thank you all for your outpouring of love and empathy. I do need to be gentle with myself, as we all do. I need to stop beating myself up for mistakes I make too. I will seek a therapist tomorrow. Again, thank you for all your kindness.
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Wild Coyote
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Member
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 93
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Feb 18, 2018 at 06:38 PM
#17
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Dresser Wisconsin
Posts: 1,230
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Feb 18, 2018 at 07:24 PM
#18
Sorry for your loss
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: World
Posts: 1,536
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Feb 18, 2018 at 07:30 PM
#19
I am very very sorry for your loss. Please let me know if you would like to pm.
I also list my dad to suicide this year and I still have not dealt with it. I am sorry. I know how horrible it can be __________________ [B]'Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.' |
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,958
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Feb 18, 2018 at 07:58 PM
#20
I'm sorry, I hope your new therapist can help you sort out your feelings.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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