[CalamityJane425]

I'm in the throes of my manic depression, bipolar or whatever the hell it's called. I'm angry, self destructive, basically not emotionally healthy, I'm slapping myself in the face hitting myself on the head I'd do worse if I had something but this is all I have. so what I don't care.
I tried the best I could to do for a walk that didn't work, call my Mom that really didn't work she never has the time to talk, so I have nothing.
I don't give a **** about life.
SO what.
Where I live there is no public transportation on Sundays here in Port Orchard. SO I walked back to where I live & oh boy was that a mistake!!!!!!
I tried to called my Mom she was not in the mood or something. My rage grew I threw my battered cell phone into the bushes I just didn't care I wanted to do something bad & that's what I thought of . Throw the phone away, so what no one gives a red ****.
So what.
I tried to lay down once I got back. I'm angry, filled with adrenaline, perhaps put my hand threw glass. Who knows.
Hating life.
If I had a choice I would just leave get on a plane to Hawaii.
I'm so tired of all these sullen unhappy pacific northwest folks, Hey I tried going to a dbsa meeting....OH BOY was that depressing, one lady lost her job after 31 years, another guy was so creepy meaning that after the meeting he wouldn't get in his car to leave! He kept hanging around I mean he came alone I don't know what he wanted he had his own car. The meeting was out in the boonies meaning that there was nothing but trees in all directions. This guy goes outside & disappears were who knows, because the woman with whom I got the ride with it took us about a half hour to clean everything up at the church basement & put stuff away in the cabinets. I really don't trust men all that much. I have a sneaking suspicion he was being a stalker. Why else would he act like that. I mean usually after a meeting ends, you get in your car to leave but not this guy he it seemed like he wanted something what that was who knows.
See, this is why I don't particularly like co-ed meetings because guys sometimes will use meetings like this to try to pick up on women. So I'm off of those dbsa meetings. If you don't know what that means well they are connected with NAMI & you can look it up.
It's awful to have a manic episode. I don't expect much from this website I use it strictly for blowing off steam.
PTSD + Manic episodes are so much fun......NOT!

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you are suffering.

Do you see a pdoc and/or a therapist?
Might it be time for a med adjustment?

I hope today is a better day for you!


WC