[Movingon69]

A lot has happened since I last checked in: some good, some not.

My husband still seems committed to making our marriage work and has been working as hard as I have on it.

I still haven't heard an unsolicited response from my girls. Not after my suicide attempt, arrest, or my dad being put on hospice (more on that in a moment). I did send my oldest a happy anniversary text and included something that I hoped would remind her of a time when she came to me to vent and put a smiley face at the end hoping that would let her know I was being light hearted. Instead she took it as a jab and respond with a nasty text. My T suggested sending a follow up "I hope you two ended up having a nice celebration. I love you." No response. Husband talked to her and she said she took mine as a jab and wasn't going to let it go unnoticed. He suggested I reach out and apologize and tell her It wasn't meant in that spirit. I sent her an email to that end with some suggestion on an issue she's having with an internship she had. No response. BUT....my youngest daughter has agreed to let him get her two children to let us keep them for a couple of days later this week! That makes my heart bust with happiness.

My dad is on hospice. We have had a very complicated relationship over the years. There was emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. He was a perfectionist and I never lived up to his standards. He disowned me when I married my husband. Yet, still managed to become the mayor a community and and executive. Our relationship has caused a lot of personal issues for me in terms of self-worth and anger in my heart. My therapist and a few friends suggested I go see him. I did go. There is something about seeing someone who was once so frightening wasted away in that state. I even fed him ice cream and diet coke as well as kissed his forehead when I left. I didn't cry until I got in the car. It wasn't mourning at least not mourning the death. It was more that I realized I would never have the relationship I had so hoped to have with him. I was able to wall away with forgiveness in my heart.

I have mentioned before there are two girlfriends in my life I'm comfortable telling EVERYTHING to. One came over Friday. It's about a 1-1/2 hour drive for her. We had a great visit.

There's a "friend" ( I use it loosely because we don't hang out but we seem to always be there for each other when we need it). She called about 4 years ago and revealed to me she had been diagnosed with BP. I called her and poured my heart out. She has been such a blessing. She has checked on me every morning and every night.

Another girlfriend and I have been planning an Eastern European trip for a year that is supposed to start in a few weeks. I was scared my arrest would negate the trip. I called my attorney and he said, "no, go. I will make note when you are gone." So, I'm excited I can still do that. I've been so holed up in this house. Ashamed to go out. I'm unsure how much I should tell her about what's going on. We are obviously good enough friends that this is our second vacation together. But still.....

I got my first assignment with my new job. I've been doing a lot of research in preparation for it.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it.

[Skeezyks]

Happy vacation!

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope things keep looking up for you.