[BeyondtheRainbow]

My super stable period is over. It's not bad but I'm very, very anxious and that scares me because it can mean a mixed episode is coming.

I have reasons to be anxious. My therapist and my mom (aka my support team) are away. My brother was supposed to come visit yesterday and due to miscommunication he never called to tell me he wasn't coming. I had to deal with a very big snake this evening (4-5 feet of blacksnake). I think my family doctor is leaving his practice and I can't find that out until tomorrow. And then I'll either have to find him or find someone else who I have a 13 years history with, who trusts me and has no mental illness prejudice (because I taught him when he was a new doctor). I've followed him before but he told me last time he was cutting down on clinical hours; he may have stopped them.

I just feel overwhelmed. Hate feeling like this.

[HALLIEBETH87]

im sorry. im here for you

[SorryShaped]

That's rough. Sorry

[AspiringAuthor]

Look - there has been a general trend to lesser mental illness prejudice. When you think of a new doctor, you are imagining the kind of drs you encountered 13 years ago, but there has been a big positive change. A new dr may not necessarily be prejudiced. Plus, you are on clozaril which in the US is a last resort drug for treatment-resistant disease and it is general knowledge among physicians; the mere fact that somebody else has put you on clozaril will attest to the seriousness of your condition.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by AspiringAuthor

Look - there has been a general trend to lesser mental illness prejudice. When you think of a new doctor, you are imagining the kind of drs you encountered 13 years ago, but there has been a big positive change.

I hope this is true. I live in a very rural area where it takes a long time to catch up to the rest of the world. I go to the big city for pdoc and all major medical or IP situations but I'm not going 2.5 hours each way for a family doctor.

A new dr may not necessarily be prejudiced. Plus, you are on clozaril which in the US is a last resort drug for treatment-resistant disease and it is general knowledge among physicians; the mere fact that somebody else has put you on clozaril will attest to the seriousness of your condition.

That's part of my fear. I was once turned away from a family practice that wouldn't even meet me because I was on Geodon. Clozapine says "severely ill" (which is true although the stuff does get stable/stable-ish) and some doctors are afraid of it both because of the severe illness and all the possible complications with the clozapine. It makes me a ticking time bomb to some people.

I really hope you are right. Mostly I hope either I'm wrong or that I can find him elsewhere.

[Wild Coyote]

Thinking of you.


WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious. Try not to project and worry about a mixed episode. It seems to me that it’s situational if anything. Hopefully you will feel better once your support team is back.

I can't blame you for feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I would feel that way too under those circumstances.

Let us know about your family doctor. I know how hard it is to find a doctor who doesn't have a prejudice against people like us. Hell, even other doctors I have problems with. Like my dermatologist. She just kept giving me weird looks that suggested she was afraid or untrusting of me... and her assistants too. It was ridiculous. And here I am, living in a densely populated area where you would think that people were ahead of the times. So I can only imagine how awful it is in your rural area.

Maybe you'll get lucky and find someone who clicks. It may take a while, but you could always ask your family doctor for a recommendation.

[SparkySmart]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I had to deal with a very big snake this evening (4-5 feet of blacksnake).

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time and hope it gets better quickly.

Not to go off on a tangent, but what did you do with the snake? I live close to a wooded area, and a 6' black snake curled up on my front porch once. I had a neighbor kill it but then learned that black snakes are good to have?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by SparkySmart

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time and hope it gets better quickly.

Not to go off on a tangent, but what did you do with the snake? I live close to a wooded area, and a 6' black snake curled up on my front porch once. I had a neighbor kill it but then learned that black snakes are good to have?

I just left it and checked several times to be sure it had left the area. I'll check again today, mostly because of my mom's phobia. I think they eat rodents and so they are good to have, just surprising to encounter.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Well, my doctor is apparently staying but for whatever reason is extremely backed up. So I'm thinking he is taking a month off or something. I had to reschedule 6 weeks out from when I was scheduled. But I don't care, I just am glad to not be losing him. I do NOT like change.

I'm still feeling anxious and overwhelmed but I at least know that I can get things ready today for my mom to get home tomorrow night. And the day after tomorrow is my nieces' joint birthday party which will be fun because they are awesome kids.

I just am sad I can't maintain stable by myself. Maybe next time and at least I'm not in a huge hole. Wildflower is right and this is situational so maybe I'll even bounce back really soon when my routine resumes.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm so sorry. I hate anxiety, especially when it's bad. Sometimes, it's related to my BP and sometimes not.

At least your doc is staying. I understand. I have been with my family doc for 14 years. My husband and I even followed her when she changed practices. Now, she is taking on more administrative rolls in the practice and is harder to get appointments with. Not to mention, everybody loves her. Anytime people on Nextdoor ask for a family doctor recommendation, nearly everyone recommends her.

My pdoc of over 10 years is retiring too, and when I found out, that was a huge blow. Then, I missed my last scheduled appointment with her due to being in the hospital with a perforated ulcer. I knew it had to come someday, and she's a good person and deserves to enjoy her retirement but still, the timing was awful (not that it ever would have been good). She is the best pdoc I've ever had. I don't think I'll ever find one quite as good, even if the one I see now is highly rated and good; he's just not the same, and he doesn't know my history either. Luckily, he is in the same practice as my retiring pdoc and I filled out a release, so he talked over my case with her. He does have very similar practices to hers. I have found there are some pdocs out there who shouldn't be allowed to practice any kind of medicine at all, they are that awful.

I hate snakes too. We have 4 venomous snakes native to this area, but I'm only good at telling 2 of them from the others, though I think the copperhead bite tends not to be lethal.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I made it out of the house and to a few stores today. I forgot a list and didn't get the macaroni for macaroni salad so I'll be going back tomorrow and it's a mess as Walmart is re-arranging the whole store and it is even more chaotic than usual in there. But at least I got something done.

I've been so worried about the doctor leaving and I didn't even remember that I have good reasons to get worried. The first time I was IP I left without an appointment with my pdoc. They wouldn't give a reason or time and it was weird. Turned out my pdoc was out for a mastectomy and starting chemo for breast cancer. And in grad school I had an appointment with my pdoc coming up and got a letter that he had died suddenly in an accident. So no wonder I get anxious when I get that kind of thing.

My anxiety is still too high. I probably should take a PRN but don't want to get sleepy at this time of the day. I couldn't sleep last night and don't want a repeat.

[AspiringAuthor]

Oh, I see - of course the family dr has to be close by. Tough. Please keep us posted on what happens at the first appt with the new dr.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

It seems no new doctor after all. He's just away or something and putting appointments way off. I don't know what's going on but it took 6 weeks to get in (this is just my annual physical) from the date it was originally set.

I'm very happy about this. This doctor is too good to lose.

[AspiringAuthor]

Keeping out fingers crossed

[cashart10]

How are you now? Better?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm better but still fighting some anxiety. However my pdoc made me realize that my mom being anxious and irritable is making me anxious and helped me come up with some strategies. So that's good.

My family dr must be reducing his clinical hours. I requested an appointment via patient portal and they had today or 3 weeks from now. So I go in 3 weeks and hopefully he'll tell me what is going on. They offered me the nurse practioner about any day I want but this is a problem the doctor and I have been dealing with for years and I hesitate to use the NP for things where my psych meds are involved since I'm on unusual ones. 3 weeks is fine anyway.

Thanks for checking in.

[Sunflower123]

(((((HUGS)))))

[Unrigged64072835]

Hopefully your anxiety will go down soon.

I'm supposed to see my new GP soon and I'm not ready for this. The last one was good and funny. Not sure of this one at all.