Possible trigger:

started the day by getting another death threat from my mother which was uncalled for

still really intent on paying people I know to kill me which is sick.

made me feel uneasy and unsafe.

for the rest of the day I just do what I usually do- internet, tv, eat, etc.

I got to stroke a dog this afternoon which was nice
feeling in diffrent

I'm not happy to be alive, but don't wanna die

[zijax]

I am exhausted today. I want to take a poetry class at the local university but the two nights it's offered are my recovery meditation meetings. I decided to put my recovery first and look for a poetry class online. It is expensive. The course I liked was $532.00!The only free one looked boring and the third was a scam.

I gathered up all my poetry from the last two years and decided to make my own book. I sat and stared at 6 notebooks full of poetry. I could not write, edit, or even read them. I stacked them neatly on the floor for another day.

I broke my diet and went to McKdonalds and ordered a chicken sandwich and fries off the dollar menu. I shared it with my dachsund. I will start dieting again tomorrow.

Second day back on Vraylar. Wondering if it is the culprit for my new hunger. Having a cup of coffee now.

I went to bed. I'm glad I got everything done yesterday when I was hypo. Today is a bipolar down loop. I have all my friends here to chill with. Grateful for you guys.

[Moose72]

Me in my newly-altered gi for judo. Fits great!

[yellow_fleurs]

Well, I woke up without such a heavy weight on my chest today, and walked around with one of my best friends who got some time off from her babies while her husband watched them. She is one of those friends with whom I immediately feel happier and more grounded when I see her. But, I don't feel right still. Hard to explain, but think I could spiral into some dark and unsafe thinking at any turn, if that makes sense. It's not being able to trust myself and my perception of the world that is really messing with me. Kind of like I have been on roller coaster in the dark, and even get scared of myself sometimes. I am catching up with another couple of friends tonight, so that will keep me busy and distracted. Hopefully lift my mood, too. Appointment with my psychiatrist in a week so we can discuss where I am and more plans. Not sure what I want to do anymore with meds, therapy, etc. Wish I could fast forward to really understanding what will help me.

[Wild Coyote]

Struggling with med side-effects.
Very tired and light-headed.
Cannot function.

Love to all!

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

So it turns out that HR has to approve my physical restriction of only being able to lift 20lbs. If they decide not to accommodate, I lose the job. To think I’ve gone through all this just to lose the job is horrible. I won’t find out until next week bc the woman who makes those determinations is on vacation. So I get to worry all weekend. Great. I’m probably going to lose this job. That’s just how things go for me. I’m just so upset. I was already in s bad mood today (just cranky because of my car and the heat) and now this.

Uuuugh if I lose this job I will not be happy. I barely got any calls for receptionist positions. No one wants me because I don’t have any experience. I’ll be right back where I started.

Maybe by some miracle I’ll get the job still but I’m not holding my breath.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So it turns out that HR has to approve my physical restriction of only being able to lift 20lbs. If they decide not to accommodate, I lose the job. To think I’ve gone through all this just to lose the job is horrible. I won’t find out until next week bc the woman who makes those determinations is on vacation. So I get to worry all weekend. Great. I’m probably going to lose this job. That’s just how things go for me. I’m just so upset. I was already in s bad mood today (just cranky because of my car and the heat) and now this.

Uuuugh if I lose this job I will not be happy. I barely got any calls for receptionist positions. No one wants me because I don’t have any experience. I’ll be right back where I started.

Maybe by some miracle I’ll get the job still but I’m not holding my breath.

I hope they make an accommodation.
It makes for a long weekend while waiting and wondering. Hopefully, you can find some helpful distractions this weekend.

Thinking of you.

WC

[Scooter9]

Did nothing today. Just slept long this morning.

Didn't overeat, so that's good I guess.

I'm so upset that mental health takes so long to find treatment for and then takes so long to treat (years).

Still feeling low and depressed, yet holding out hope that my pdoc has a suggestion when I see her next week.

Does PsychCentral have a forum for family of people with mental health issues? I looked everywhere and couldn't find one. I am a regular here (I have bipolar disorder) and am kind of glad this forum doesn't get inundated with such posts, but I could really use such support in regards to my dad. He's having severe issues and my siblings and I really don't know what to do even though my sister also has a formal bipolar disorder diagnosis, and her youngest son did, too (he took his life over a year ago). It's a helpless position to be in when a family member rejects proper treatment and is going down a scary path. He has admitted to having alcohol issues (and they are more than proved) and his psychological state is getting scarier and scarier. He broke up with his girlfriend of 8 years a week ago (with whom he broke up with multiple times), and is now professing love for his housekeeper, who my sister and I have never met. He's apparently bringing her to a family reunion this Saturday and we're afraid of what he'll say and do. I only heard of this extreme "love" when he called me a few days ago in extreme excitement. He has only ever gone to his psychiatrist when depressed and has refused to let my siblings and I join him on the rare occasions he ever goes. Over the years many people have approached my siblings, my husband, and me about his behavior. We know what is likely wrong. Probably the same thing his mother dealt with, too. Honestly, we've seen it off and on our whole lives and it became almost "normalized" to a degree.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Does PsychCentral have a forum for family of people with mental health issues? I looked everywhere and couldn't find one. I am a regular here (I have bipolar disorder) and am kind of glad this forum doesn't get inundated with such posts, but I could really use such support in regards to my dad. He's having severe issues and my siblings and I really don't know what to do even though my sister also has a formal bipolar disorder diagnosis, and her youngest son did, too (he took his life over a year ago). It's a helpless position to be in when a family member rejects proper treatment and is going down a scary path. He has admitted to having alcohol issues (and they are more than proved) and his psychological state is getting scarier and scarier. He broke up with his girlfriend of 8 years a week ago (with whom he broke up with multiple times), and is now professing love for his housekeeper, who my sister and I have never met. He's apparently bringing her to a family reunion this Saturday and we're afraid of what he'll say and do. I only heard of this extreme "love" when he called me a few days ago in extreme excitement.

I believe there is a caregivers forum but I’m not sure what it’s under.

I did see that. We don't really feel like caregivers, though. Not yet. I'll check that out. Thank you

[Blueberrybook]

I had a God awful day. Someone (whom I trusted to keep things private), miscontrued what I wrote in an email and sent the police to check up on me. An officer came, knocked at the door, talked to me, left. A couple hours later, he's back with a 2nd officer, and by now this ex-trusted person has given the police the email, they don't know me at all. I had typed a sentence something to the effect like, "I just give up.", meaning I am just done and giving up trying to get help from social services.

At which point the police officer tells me I'm going to some psych ER, no choice. I can just go with him, or he could handcuff me. Good God. I told him it wasn't necessary, I had no plans of suicide, etc., but all I get is a bumpy ride in the back of a police car, taking the extra long route into the Houston medical district. We had to wait there 45 minutes or so in the cop car before there was room for me to go in. Then, I get cuffed (one hand) to a bench and wait ages in a freezing cold room, needing to pee urgently (I had told the officer this when he told me we'd be waiting 30-45 minutes in the car). Orderlies, nurses, whatever come in, nope, I still can't go to the bathroom. No, I can't have a blanket. They must have the thermostat on 60 degrees, and I was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt with a cutout in the back. I was beyond cold. Talked to the psychiatrist on call (who also knows my current pdoc). Finally, she didn't see it as necessary to hold me though she wanted first to speak with my husband on the phone. Finally, after like 2.5 hours, I'm allowed to pee. OMG. And I'm still freezing. I had to wait up in the locked ward because the unlocked intake area was deemed unsafe, and my husband couldn't get me until he got my daughter from school.

It was freaking freezing up there too, with nothing to do, since they are a psych ER, maybe 1 night wait for a bed type place. I did get a referral for some county social workers who are supposed to contact me tomorrow, and I was told they are pretty good and contacting promptly.

Finally, my husband and daughter get there, I get my stuff, we leave. Oh, but my mom has sent me a dozen gems of text messages, blaming me for everything saying I posted my problems all over Facebook (never once posted about psych issues on FB). The crowning jewel (and this really pissed my husband off), is she offered to "take" my daughter and raise her with my dad, so what? My husband and I can suffer alone? We live for that little girl. She is the reason we keep trying and trying to plow ahead, obstacle upon obstacle. What? She thinks I'm an inadequate mother now? I know a lot of my problems started with sexual abuse from an uncle (through marriage), but growing up in that house with my parents was no piece of cake. My mom ALWAYS deferred to my dad about everything. She never once stood up for me against him even if later she told me she thought he was wrong. He spanked way beyond appropriate spanking age - 10, 11, maybe even 12. Not all of my childhood problems had their root with the uncle.

Now I feel my mom thinks I'm an awful mother and that my daughter is in absolutely the wrong hands to raise her. And hello, doesn't my husband get a say? My daughter is his little princess, a Daddy's girl. He has never mistreated her. And she has only be spanked once in her life (around age 3.5, 4 for ignoring warnings to stop mistreating the cat, things that could have sent the cat to the vet). I was the one who spanked her, but it was more for show and to get a point across that mistreating our pet was a very, very bad thing to do, especially after ignoring repeated warnings. We never spanked her again. I didn't want it because of my God awful childhood spanking experiences. Hubby was spanked too, but rarely, not so much it scarred him. He initially said we'd spank as discipline when I was pregnant, and he never did. I said we wouldn't, I was the one who did, but only one time.

Really angry at my mom. So beyond pissed with her right now.

[Cocosurviving]

Well another day of being nauseous. I received a call from a nurse around 1 PM. She went over my symptoms then said she would speak with my gastro doctor. Really what was the purpose of calling me??? I called twice for that??? The good thing is I called my private doctor and she had me stop by the lab this after I picked my daughter up from school. I had to pick up a stool kit. I really hate doing them but if it will provide answers I’ll do it. I was so nauseous today I only ate 752 calories. I barely had much water. I usually drink plenty of water.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I had a God awful day. Someone (whom I trusted to keep things private), miscontrued what I wrote in an email and sent the police to check up on me. An officer came, knocked at the door, talked to me, left. A couple hours later, he's back with a 2nd officer, and by now this ex-trusted person has given the police the email, they don't know me at all. I had typed a sentence something to the effect like, "I just give up.", meaning I am just done and giving up trying to get help from social services.

At which point the police officer tells me I'm going to some psych ER, no choice. I can just go with him, or he could handcuff me. Good God. I told him it wasn't necessary, I had no plans of suicide, etc., but all I get is a bumpy ride in the back of a police car, taking the extra long route into the Houston medical district. We had to wait there 45 minutes or so in the cop car before there was room for me to go in. Then, I get cuffed (one hand) to a bench and wait ages in a freezing cold room, needing to pee urgently (I had told the officer this when he told me we'd be waiting 30-45 minutes in the car). Orderlies, nurses, whatever come in, nope, I still can't go to the bathroom. No, I can't have a blanket. They must have the thermostat on 60 degrees, and I was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt with a cutout in the back. I was beyond cold. Talked to the psychiatrist on call (who also knows my current pdoc). Finally, she didn't see it as necessary to hold me though she wanted first to speak with my husband on the phone. Finally, after like 2.5 hours, I'm allowed to pee. OMG. And I'm still freezing. I had to wait up in the locked ward because the unlocked intake area was deemed unsafe, and my husband couldn't get me until he got my daughter from school.

It was freaking freezing up there too, with nothing to do, since they are a psych ER, maybe 1 night wait for a bed type place. I did get a referral for some county social workers who are supposed to contact me tomorrow, and I was told they are pretty good and contacting promptly.

Finally, my husband and daughter get there, I get my stuff, we leave. Oh, but my mom has sent me a dozen gems of text messages, blaming me for everything saying I posted my problems all over Facebook (never once posted about psych issues on FB). The crowning jewel (and this really pissed my husband off), is she offered to "take" my daughter and raise her with my dad, so what? My husband and I can suffer alone? We live for that little girl. She is the reason we keep trying and trying to plow ahead, obstacle upon obstacle. What? She thinks I'm an inadequate mother now? I know a lot of my problems started with sexual abuse from an uncle (through marriage), but growing up in that house with my parents was no piece of cake. My mom ALWAYS deferred to my dad about everything. She never once stood up for me against him even if later she told me she thought he was wrong. He spanked way beyond appropriate spanking age - 10, 11, maybe even 12. Not all of my childhood problems had their root with the uncle.

Now I feel my mom thinks I'm an awful mother and that my daughter is in absolutely the wrong hands to raise her. And hello, doesn't my husband get a say? My daughter is his little princess, a Daddy's girl. He has never mistreated her. And she has only be spanked once in her life (around age 3.5, 4 for ignoring warnings to stop mistreating the cat, things that could have sent the cat to the vet). I was the one who spanked her, but it was more for show and to get a point across that mistreating our pet was a very, very bad thing to do, especially after ignoring repeated warnings. We never spanked her again. I didn't want it because of my God awful childhood spanking experiences. Hubby was spanked too, but rarely, not so much it scarred him. He initially said we'd spank as discipline when I was pregnant, and he never did. I said we wouldn't, I was the one who did, but only one time.

Really angry at my mom. So beyond pissed with her right now.

Omg that sounds awful!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you! I don’t know why they wouldn’t let you use the bathroom, that’s inhumane. I’ve never had an Er experience that bad. I’m so sorry!

I hope the social workers actually get back to you.

And what your mother said! That’s ridiculous!

Manyh hugs to you.

[Daonnachd]

I just want to whinge for a moment. I realise it's nothing compared to what others are facing.
Tomorrow I have ECT at midday. That means I won't be waking up until afternoon. That means negociating Labour Day Weekend traffic in the San Francisco Bay Area to get home afterward.
Anybody want to ride along and keep me company?

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just want to whinge for a moment. I realise it's nothing compared to what others are facing.
Tomorrow I have ECT at midday. That means I won't be waking up until afternoon. That means negociating Labour Day Weekend traffic in the San Francisco Bay Area to get home afterward.
Anybody want to ride along and keep me company?

Your problems are just as valid as anyone else's.

I'd ride with you. I actually feel weirdly talkative for once. (Kind of feels like I took 3 adderalls but I haven't had any in a couple weeks). I think it's off putting to people I know though because for forever I've just been the one that listens. I'm a bit tired of listening though. haha. I want to talk. I feel like I haven't actually talked in years. Just a bunch of yeahs and messages of agreement came out of my mouth. So if you could put up with me talking your head off I'd ride with you. haha. Also I need somewhere to stay if I ever get out that way for a warriors game. Good luck today. I hope things go smoothly.

tbh it's kinda good that I'm feeling more talkative. Therapy is going better now and things are weirdly making more sense. Maybe my brain is just working better. My pdoc did say that it takes 1-2 years after a psychotic break for your brain to heal. It's been 2 years. I've been patiently waiting. I think it helped that I came off tramadol and soma too. Who knows. The brain is weird.

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just want to whinge for a moment. I realise it's nothing compared to what others are facing.
Tomorrow I have ECT at midday. That means I won't be waking up until afternoon. That means negociating Labour Day Weekend traffic in the San Francisco Bay Area to get home afterward.
Anybody want to ride along and keep me company?

Dude, that’s a legitimately sucky situation. I hope you have a restful day and get home quickly and safely.

I called the pdoc office yesterday and lucked out and got an appointment for this afternoon. My original appt was for next month, but I’ve been having some problems with my anxiety and it’s been affecting my work. I’m a speech and language pathologist, so I work pretty closely with students and their parents and teachers. I go to a lot of meetings, which I am generally pretty nervous about just at my baseline, but I can usually keep it together w/o anyone knowing. But I have been getting so nervous lately that I’m rambling and laughing and trying to make these stupid jokes to cover up the weirdness of it all. There were 2 lawyers at a meeting last week, and they just stared at me like...”WTH?” Half the time, I’m nervous to come out of my office.

Earlier this week, a student was telling me about how she gets nervous to get off the bus and come in to the school —- how she feels uncomfortable the entire day — and it doesn’t go away until she gets off the bus at home. Her little face was all red and her eyes were teary and she was wringing her hands the whole time she was talking in this little shy voice, and IDK why but it just got to me and I started crying right there in front of her. It was just so sad to see this precious little girl dealing with these same feelings, and I think I just overidentified with her, and.... ugh. I apologized and tried to make it less awkward for her — and I let the school psych know about the situation and why I reacted that way — and she followed up with her and said everything was fine. But I still feel like an *ss.

I understand why I can’t be on fluoxetine anymore, but I am slowly losing my ability to deal with these feelings. I hope there is something the pdoc can prescribe today that will help.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just want to whinge for a moment. I realise it's nothing compared to what others are facing.
Tomorrow I have ECT at midday. That means I won't be waking up until afternoon. That means negociating Labour Day Weekend traffic in the San Francisco Bay Area to get home afterward.
Anybody want to ride along and keep me company?

Ugh, I'm sorry. I hate being stuck in traffic, not to mention on a holiday weekend. I live in the Houston area. I'm sure traffic is bad in the San Francisco Area too. My husband is from the LA area (Long Beach), and they have God awful traffic there.

Houston at rush hour is bad too, especially if there is an accident or debris in the road. They don't even make much attempt to pick up dangerous debris in the middle of the freeway, like a dropped couch in a middle lane. I once took comedic defensive driving to get out of a traffic ticket I got in a police sting operation after a new law was passed and I hadn't heard of it (must get at least one lane over or slow down 20 or 30 mph under the speed limit while passing the police car with flashing lights, I mean, really? If it's a brand new law, can't they just give out warnings instead of traffic tickets?) Anyway, the driver's ed instructor said he'd driven all over much of the U.S. and has never seen so much unpicked up road debris as in Houston, clothes lost all over the middle of the freeway and just about anything else you can think of, washing machines, refrigerators, big rig flat truck tires not even moved to the side of the road, and sometimes it will be a blind sight if you are coming from an overpass or area where freeways are raised and merge into different exits for different areas. It's horrible. Not only that but the speed & the rudeness of other drivers is awful. I almost always have a panic attack every time I have to drive into Houston proper. Though strangely, there are some places around here like my PCP and pdoc (both spread apart by a 20 minute drive) with Houston addresses that you think of as being in other towns because all the other buildings near them are. Those places I can drive to without guaranteed panic attacks.

You will do just fine.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by IRememberMyFirstBee

I called the pdoc office yesterday and lucked out and got an appointment for this afternoon. My original appt was for next month, but I’ve been having some problems with my anxiety and it’s been affecting my work. I’m a speech and language pathologist, so I work pretty closely with students and their parents and teachers. I go to a lot of meetings, which I am generally pretty nervous about just at my baseline, but I can usually keep it together w/o anyone knowing. But I have been getting so nervous lately that I’m rambling and laughing and trying to make these stupid jokes to cover up the weirdness of it all. There were 2 lawyers at a meeting last week, and they just stared at me like...”WTH?” Half the time, I’m nervous to come out of my office.

Earlier this week, a student was telling me about how she gets nervous to get off the bus and come in to the school —- how she feels uncomfortable the entire day — and it doesn’t go away until she gets off the bus at home. Her little face was all red and her eyes were teary and she was wringing her hands the whole time she was talking in this little shy voice, and IDK why but it just got to me and I started crying right there in front of her. It was just so sad to see this precious little girl dealing with these same feelings, and I think I just overidentified with her, and.... ugh. I apologized and tried to make it less awkward for her — and I let the school psych know about the situation and why I reacted that way — and she followed up with her and said everything was fine. But I still feel like an *ss.

I understand why I can’t be on fluoxetine anymore, but I am slowly losing my ability to deal with these feelings. I hope there is something the pdoc can prescribe today that will help.

Good luck to you. I'm glad your are at least reaching out for help, not waiting for it to build up to a crisis point.

I am in a lot of pain today.

so this morning during my shower, I had problems moving my arms/ legs and had breathing difficulties, none of this I'm going to collapse, none of that... but I did, what I like to call, " sway", and quite fast

just about made it to breakfast in a lot of agony, ate breakfast, and then came back to my room and just chilled out.

I'm feeling better now (I'm breathing normally, and I'm not in pain), um..... okay, I am a little in my legs

I hate chronic pain, especially when it flares up really bad- all the energy in you just goes away

going to eat some chips this afternoon and post a bit on here

and then find something for dinner

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I had a God awful day. Someone (whom I trusted to keep things private), miscontrued what I wrote in an email and sent the police to check up on me. An officer came, knocked at the door, talked to me, left. A couple hours later, he's back with a 2nd officer, and by now this ex-trusted person has given the police the email, they don't know me at all. I had typed a sentence something to the effect like, "I just give up.", meaning I am just done and giving up trying to get help from social services.

At which point the police officer tells me I'm going to some psych ER, no choice. I can just go with him, or he could handcuff me. Good God. I told him it wasn't necessary, I had no plans of suicide, etc., but all I get is a bumpy ride in the back of a police car, taking the extra long route into the Houston medical district. We had to wait there 45 minutes or so in the cop car before there was room for me to go in. Then, I get cuffed (one hand) to a bench and wait ages in a freezing cold room, needing to pee urgently (I had told the officer this when he told me we'd be waiting 30-45 minutes in the car). Orderlies, nurses, whatever come in, nope, I still can't go to the bathroom. No, I can't have a blanket. They must have the thermostat on 60 degrees, and I was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt with a cutout in the back. I was beyond cold. Talked to the psychiatrist on call (who also knows my current pdoc). Finally, she didn't see it as necessary to hold me though she wanted first to speak with my husband on the phone. Finally, after like 2.5 hours, I'm allowed to pee. OMG. And I'm still freezing. I had to wait up in the locked ward because the unlocked intake area was deemed unsafe, and my husband couldn't get me until he got my daughter from school.

It was freaking freezing up there too, with nothing to do, since they are a psych ER, maybe 1 night wait for a bed type place. I did get a referral for some county social workers who are supposed to contact me tomorrow, and I was told they are pretty good and contacting promptly.

Finally, my husband and daughter get there, I get my stuff, we leave. Oh, but my mom has sent me a dozen gems of text messages, blaming me for everything saying I posted my problems all over Facebook (never once posted about psych issues on FB). The crowning jewel (and this really pissed my husband off), is she offered to "take" my daughter and raise her with my dad, so what? My husband and I can suffer alone? We live for that little girl. She is the reason we keep trying and trying to plow ahead, obstacle upon obstacle. What? She thinks I'm an inadequate mother now? I know a lot of my problems started with sexual abuse from an uncle (through marriage), but growing up in that house with my parents was no piece of cake. My mom ALWAYS deferred to my dad about everything. She never once stood up for me against him even if later she told me she thought he was wrong. He spanked way beyond appropriate spanking age - 10, 11, maybe even 12. Not all of my childhood problems had their root with the uncle.

Now I feel my mom thinks I'm an awful mother and that my daughter is in absolutely the wrong hands to raise her. And hello, doesn't my husband get a say? My daughter is his little princess, a Daddy's girl. He has never mistreated her. And she has only be spanked once in her life (around age 3.5, 4 for ignoring warnings to stop mistreating the cat, things that could have sent the cat to the vet). I was the one who spanked her, but it was more for show and to get a point across that mistreating our pet was a very, very bad thing to do, especially after ignoring repeated warnings. We never spanked her again. I didn't want it because of my God awful childhood spanking experiences. Hubby was spanked too, but rarely, not so much it scarred him. He initially said we'd spank as discipline when I was pregnant, and he never did. I said we wouldn't, I was the one who did, but only one time.

Really angry at my mom. So beyond pissed with her right now.

Im soooooooooo sorry this happened to you! But you are a trouper! Ive had police come to my house when called by others. Ugh. Huge hugs!!

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I had a God awful day. Someone (whom I trusted to keep things private), miscontrued what I wrote in an email and sent the police to check up on me. An officer came, knocked at the door, talked to me, left. A couple hours later, he's back with a 2nd officer, and by now this ex-trusted person has given the police the email, they don't know me at all. I had typed a sentence something to the effect like, "I just give up.", meaning I am just done and giving up trying to get help from social services.

At which point the police officer tells me I'm going to some psych ER, no choice. I can just go with him, or he could handcuff me. Good God. I told him it wasn't necessary, I had no plans of suicide, etc., but all I get is a bumpy ride in the back of a police car, taking the extra long route into the Houston medical district. We had to wait there 45 minutes or so in the cop car before there was room for me to go in. Then, I get cuffed (one hand) to a bench and wait ages in a freezing cold room, needing to pee urgently (I had told the officer this when he told me we'd be waiting 30-45 minutes in the car). Orderlies, nurses, whatever come in, nope, I still can't go to the bathroom. No, I can't have a blanket. They must have the thermostat on 60 degrees, and I was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt with a cutout in the back. I was beyond cold. Talked to the psychiatrist on call (who also knows my current pdoc). Finally, she didn't see it as necessary to hold me though she wanted first to speak with my husband on the phone. Finally, after like 2.5 hours, I'm allowed to pee. OMG. And I'm still freezing. I had to wait up in the locked ward because the unlocked intake area was deemed unsafe, and my husband couldn't get me until he got my daughter from school.

It was freaking freezing up there too, with nothing to do, since they are a psych ER, maybe 1 night wait for a bed type place. I did get a referral for some county social workers who are supposed to contact me tomorrow, and I was told they are pretty good and contacting promptly.

Finally, my husband and daughter get there, I get my stuff, we leave. Oh, but my mom has sent me a dozen gems of text messages, blaming me for everything saying I posted my problems all over Facebook (never once posted about psych issues on FB). The crowning jewel (and this really pissed my husband off), is she offered to "take" my daughter and raise her with my dad, so what? My husband and I can suffer alone? We live for that little girl. She is the reason we keep trying and trying to plow ahead, obstacle upon obstacle. What? She thinks I'm an inadequate mother now? I know a lot of my problems started with sexual abuse from an uncle (through marriage), but growing up in that house with my parents was no piece of cake. My mom ALWAYS deferred to my dad about everything. She never once stood up for me against him even if later she told me she thought he was wrong. He spanked way beyond appropriate spanking age - 10, 11, maybe even 12. Not all of my childhood problems had their root with the uncle.

Now I feel my mom thinks I'm an awful mother and that my daughter is in absolutely the wrong hands to raise her. And hello, doesn't my husband get a say? My daughter is his little princess, a Daddy's girl. He has never mistreated her. And she has only be spanked once in her life (around age 3.5, 4 for ignoring warnings to stop mistreating the cat, things that could have sent the cat to the vet). I was the one who spanked her, but it was more for show and to get a point across that mistreating our pet was a very, very bad thing to do, especially after ignoring repeated warnings. We never spanked her again. I didn't want it because of my God awful childhood spanking experiences. Hubby was spanked too, but rarely, not so much it scarred him. He initially said we'd spank as discipline when I was pregnant, and he never did. I said we wouldn't, I was the one who did, but only one time.

Really angry at my mom. So beyond pissed with her right now.

Wow, that sounds like such a terrible experience. I can't even imagine...I would be so upset if the police showed up at my door like that, and with that whole ER experience! I can understand why you would be angry at your mom that sounds really upsetting.

Too much effort to include quotes....sorry.

Wildflowerchild, sorry they're making that an issue. I really hope they decide in your favor. Hopefully some distractions can make the weekend go by faster.

Cln, What a terrible day! Good God, not even letting you pee! I'd not be trusting that "friend" anymore either. And the authorities' over-reaction definitely compounded the situation. And your mother! How obnoxius! Sheesh.

Daonnachd, I'd totally ride with you -- it'd be fun! Traffic's no fun, but talking would be.

IRememberMyFirstBee, it's so understandable why you would identify with that child. Try not to feel like an azz, you aren't!!!!!

And everyone. Wow, some crappy days. Hugs all around!


I have my T appt. today, and meeting with a jobs helper (can't think of what it's called) AND there's a work gathering. At an amusement park. It's been YEARS since I've been on a ride! So I will try to have fun and twirl my troubles away. Lol. Even if only for awhile...

[Daonnachd]

Leaving for ECT in a few minutes. Hope I remember you when I get back.