[Moose72]

.ow its 730 and im exhausted.. Just wonderful.

Very, very bad day yesterday. I can't describe it here, but I'm still shooken up this morning. I don't even want to go into work tomorrow, because I know I won't be able to concentrate.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Very, very bad day yesterday. I can't describe it here, but I'm still shooken up this morning. I don't even want to go into work tomorrow, because I know I won't be able to concentrate.

I am very concerned about you, Blue.

WC

[yellow_fleurs]

Not doing great, but I think the worst dip in my mood is over for now. Thank goodness. I need a plan, cannot do this every few weeks as it is very extreme. I mean, at one point I couldn't even look at a picture of myself without thinking I was a monster? It's just too much.

Possible trigger:

Also had a lot more self harm and suicidal thoughts this month, and hit and scratched myself more, too. Wasn't trying to leave a mark or really harm my body, more of an agitation I guess. I was more successful last month in preventing it. I think when I feel really like not being alive I know longer care if I use an unhealthy coping mechanism or something. Told my SO and he said we should get a punching bag I can use. I think that's a good idea, redirect it

. My doctor said to call if I got worse after our last appointment, but it's sort of a catch22 situation, because when I need help I am usually not in much of a place to realize it. Sometimes I have been good about calling for help when doing poorly, but also not sure what they would do if I am not an immediate risk to myself anyways. Good news is I am tracking my moods this month and will have more to show them, so hopefully that will help us figure things out. Also looking for a light therapy box (I discussed this with my doctor last appointment), trying to find a therapist, taking supplements like vitamin D and eating regular meals, getting enough sleep (sometimes too much but work is helping keep this regular), and I scheduled an acupuncture appointment (this has helped my joint pain and premenstrual symptoms successfully in the past). Trying to get better, but feel like I am swimming against a current and keep getting pulled under by waves over and over again! Hugs to everyone who wants them.

I'm sad. My grandma died yesterday. I feel kinda disconnected from this world right now.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by spikes

I'm sad. My grandma died yesterday. I feel kinda disconnected from this world right now.

Deepest sympathy.
Grandmas are very special.
So sorry for your loss.

WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

So sorry for your loss Spikes.

[Blueberrybook]

Sorry for your loss, spikes.

I am doing a lot better memory-wise today than yesterday. Took the Wellbutrin 150 mg instead of the 300 mg this AM as directed by pdoc. Though my forgetfulness could be so multifaceted, who knows what may or may not help it? Though I do know extreme stress is not doing my forgetfulness and BP mixed any favors.

[Daonnachd]

Oh, Spikes, I'm so sorry.

[scatterbrained04]

I've pretty much slept my weekend away. I don't know why I've not been able to stay awake. Not like me at all.

I guess in general I feel frustrated with life these days. I feel powerless to change things. I know that's not entirely true, some things I can, but it still feels that way.

[Scooter9]

Sorry for your loss Spikes.

[wildflowerchild25]

So sorry for your loss spikes. Be gentle with yourself during this difficult time.

[wildflowerchild25]

I had an ok day today. Cold and rainy so we didn’t do anything. Very boring. I tried to take a nap but couldn’t fall asleep.

One good thing is I got a call for a job interview on Thursday! Finally someone called me back. He seemed enthusiastic. It is for a receptionist/admin assistant position at a behavioral healthcare facility. Thankfully it’s one I’ve never been to so they won’t know me. There aren’t too many I haven’t been to so that’s a real plus.

I’m gonna try to reapply for unemployment yet again tomorrow, and go grocery shopping since it was so nasty out today I decided not to go. Hopefully that will keep me up for awhile.

[hopeless2015]

I'm so sorry for your lose spikes!! Sending hugs!

The kind words are much appreciated, thank you.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by spikes

I'm sad. My grandma died yesterday. I feel kinda disconnected from this world right now.

So sorry your grandma passed away.

[Moose72]

I slept 20 out of the last 24 hours. No idea why.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by spikes

I'm sad. My grandma died yesterday. I feel kinda disconnected from this world right now.

So sorry for your loss. (((((spikes))))).

[Moose72]

Spikes- sorry about your grandma. I have no more grandparents left.

[Moose72]

I had to report a crime. This guy knocked on the door. I thought it might be n2 with groceries so i answered it. He said he could do something to my gas bill. Showed me a tablet i couldnt even read. Asked to see my paper bill. So i closed the door and locked it. He kept knocking. He eventually went away. I found omline where this is a scam around here. They take a number off your paper bill and switch it to their company without asking. Then jack up the rates.

[Wild Coyote]

I have had a decent weekend.
I saw my niece yesterday and a couple of nephews today. They are all fine adults. I am very proud of them.

One nephew is returning from Afghanistan and has made arrangements to come for lunch this week! I am so glad he is okay and will be thrilled to see him!

I am saddened today, as someone I really care about has been traumatized by another person's threats to harm himself. I care about both of them and am very concerned about the one left to call for help. I know, first hand, how traumatizing this can be. I hope they know I care.

I hope everyone has a good week.
Love to All!

WC

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by spikes

I'm sad. My grandma died yesterday. I feel kinda disconnected from this world right now.

I’m sorry hun

I might as well just say it...

Possible trigger:

Someone on this forum who I'm close to sent me a bunch of details via text message telling me how they were going to commit suicide (they literally walked me through it) and they even told me when they did it. I was trying to talk to them while calling 911 to keep them calm. But the second they told me they "did it," I had to stop texting and call 911 on them, but 911 took too long. The dispatcher in my state had to transfer me from my state to a dispatcher in their state and explain the situation. They also had to ask me a bunch of details about this person's phone number, where they lived, etc. That took about 2 mins because I forgot their full address (I only knew the street name) and only knew their name, city, and phone number. I don't know if this person on our forum survived because what they did to themselves.

It was severe, the worst I've ever heard of. I did some research onlineand there's literally a 50-50 chance they could be helped depending if they were unconscious or not. I can't tell you guys what it was because it will be very triggering.

Please keep this person in your thoughts. They are an active member. I will update on their status as soon as I know. But for now, I want to respect their privacy.

[Nammu]

I'm so sorry blue, that was traumatic. Take extra care of yourself for the next couple of days. (((((((((((((((((((Blue))))))))))))))

Oh blue, that is rough. Take care of yourself, ok? Extra hugs