[Blueberrybook]

I have to lie down now, maybe take low dose Seroquel? What happened? Did not run this AM?

[Wild Coyote]

Are you anxious about starting with a new therapist today?

Do you know any breathing exercises which may be helpful?

I hope the anxiety/panic subsides.

WC

[Fuzzybear]

[SorryShaped]

Been having a lot of those lately, myself.
I'm sorry it's happening to you too. I meditated after the worst of one earlier, in my window in the sunlight. It was the most peace I've felt in weeks.
If you're nervous about the therapist, relax. Ask one of my favorite questions for mental health people, "why did you go into this field of work?" With mental health, it usually helps put my problems in perspective

[Blueberrybook]

Ate a bagel with cream cheese. Thought having breakfast might help. No. Still super anxious, could to be having minor panic attack symptoms, numb extremities, clammy hands, feel a can’t breathe. I have learned to function through this, but I don’t like it. Had to lie down. 1 Klonopin, 1 Seroquel.

Do not feel normal at all. Legs still shaky, feel I cannot get enough air. Wish daughter did not have to stay home from school today. She threw up at school around 8 AM yesterday before the first bell but she was there early for choir practice. She felt fine when I got her at 9 AM. Fine all of yesterday, no throwing up today. But the school has gotten very serious on this issue, same with being sent home with a fever or diarrhea.

Maybe the new T. appt. is making me very anxious. Have forgotten all breating exercises I learned. Lying down at least. Maybe will get up and put lavender in my essential oils diffuser .It’s supposed to be calming. Daughter is being super sweet to me though I do much better lying down.

H told me before work he definitely knows I have bipolar and panic disorder and PTSD but no way an ED. Sometimes, I am like why can’t I have restricting anorexia, the anorexia everyone pictures when they hear the word? Or the more obvious purging type, throwing up? H just sees it as exercise, maybe too much exercise from stress. I try to to him I want to be thinner, he says everyone has that thought. Didn’t have time to explain to him before he left that thinner can go way beyond the norm. My goal after reaching 80 lb initially? This was in the late 1990s when I was really bad, not the present? Get to weights in the 70s, preferably to 75 lb. Initially, I wanted to go from around 125 lb. to something like 118 to 120 lb (low normal for my height). Instant hospitalization not yet imminent but am afraid I will crash and burn. Docs now will put me in the hospital 90 lb or less, bad labs or bad EKGs or just lots of concerns for my safety. Not striving for 90 lb but still I a at a weight I have already passed as a goal I want to return to, still thin for my height. EDs that are invisible to people even when you tell them you have one suck. I have bones sticking out everywhere, and H thinks it’s over exercise or the wrong kind of exercise dealing with stress. He is right about the stress but ignores the part that I want to stay a thin that while not alarming to people is still not healthy for my height.

The ADD diagnosis, now H is right. That could be the meds. That could be the bipolar. Or maybe really is ADD, who knows?

Ugh, tired now from Seroquel. Wish I could have kept 1 PM appointment with new T, not have to move it to 4:30 . Anxiety in general is just awful.

God, please gave me through this day.

[Wild Coyote]

Maybe the therapist can eventually help you to find a way to assist H in understanding your experiences with your ED?

There are lots of breathing exercises on youtube, if that approach interests you.

I meet my new Primary Care today. I think meeting a new T is more stressful.

I hope you can tell your new T, right up front, about your stress level. It's important she understands and does not create more stress for you right now.

If your panic attacks cause you to hyperventilate, you can always breathe into a paper bag. That's if you have a paper bag.

I am sorry you are going through this today.

Gabapentin has really helped my high anxiety, just fyi. I see you have it on your med list. Have you tried skipping Adderall to see if it might help your anxiety level?

I hope you get a break from intense anxiety.

thinking of you!


WC

Sorry that your husband doesn't understand your ED. My family is the opposite: they think something is wrong with me, when in actuality, I have damn bowel, throat, and stomach issues. I weigh myself all the time just to monitor the weight loss to see if I need to do something more the next day or to see if/when to see a GI doctor. I keep (consistently) going down by like 0.8 lbs and need to do something about it. Yet people just tell me "eat more." Yeah, ok... like that's going to help when my stomach makes me nauseous or I'm throwing up, or having extreme throat pain, or having constipation.

Some people are just not understanding, so I 100% get it,

The best thing I can do when I am having a panic attack is to distract myself with something. Otherwise, I hit myself or throw things. So calming music helps a lot. If not that, then I go to my porch/deck in my apartment and sit out in the sun, taking deep breaths of fresh air.

And yes, I agree with WC about skipping Adderall. Try it. When I have my Ritalin and I'm scared, it just makes things much worse than they need to be.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Maybe the therapist can eventually help you to find a way to assist H in understanding your experiences with your ED?

There are lots of breathing exercises on youtube, if that approach interests you.

I meet my new Primary Care today. I think meeting a new T is more stressful.

I hope you can tell your new T, right up front, about your stress level. It's important she understands and does not create more stress for you right now.

If your panic attacks cause you to hyperventilate, you can always breathe into a paper bag. That's if you have a paper bag.

I am sorry you are going through this today.

Gabapentin has really helped my high anxiety, just fyi. I see you have it on your med list. Have you tried skipping Adderall to see if it might help your anxiety level?

I hope you get a break from intense anxiety.

thinking of you!


WC

Thanks. I am glad gabapentin helped your anxiety.At what dose? It is actually the rheumatologist who prescribes it for fibromyalgia. Didn’t seem to do a thing to help my anxiety either. I have seen this rheumatologist around one year. She is a good doctor, but my old rheumatologist was the best. I was so sad she moved her practice so her commute would give her more family time. I know she had a son around the same age as my daughter, so I cannot fault her.

The gabapentin was a recent switch as after my ulcer adventure, I can’t take NSAIDs any more. I took piroxicam a LONG time. Forgot it was an NSAID and continued taking things like Advil and Exedrin for muscle aches and headaches. My luck to get a completely silent type ulcer I didn’t know I had. Treatment would have likely prevented the perforation from occurring, even OTC treatment, the gastroenterologist said, which was maddening. The bills alone are bad enough, but that surgery is put you put of your mind painful hallucinate on morphine 2 days straight. I have never been through so much pain in my life. Honestly, I wouldn’t have thought a person could hurt that much and still be alive. Yeah. It is that bad.

[downandlonely]

I hope you're feeling better and that your therapy appointment goes well.

[Blueberrybook]

Low dose Seroquel made me take a little nap, which is why I cannot take it if I have to drive soon. Either the Seroquel, Klonopin, or nap stopped the panic attack. I am still anxious though. At this rate, I am going to have to as pdoc to allow for 2 and not 1 low dose Seroquel pills a day unless he has something else to try.

Maybe. But I skip the Adderall, you should really see the fun things mixed bipolar 1 can do. Adderall could cause more anxiety, but believe it or not, I can now pay attention long enough to read, watch a show on TV, actually listen to all the robotelephone options, and hear my daughter through. She often tells long convulatied stories that are hard to follow even for people at 100%. Just to be out to get my mind out of itself to lose it in a good book rather than just dissociate from it all is worth it to me.

But we will see. Pdoc thinks some of my panic issues are situational, and I am sure he is at least partially right .I want this CPS case closed so badly. Being involved in a C PS investigation is very stressful.

Speaking of CPS, they called both of my sisters today to get their opinions on how I am as a mom to my daughter and each said the caseworker told them she was close to closing out my case

[tecomsin]

Bupropion can also contribute to anxiety. I hope cps closes your case soon and you have a good meeting with a therapist.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Bupropion can also contribute to anxiety. I hope cps closes your case soon and you have a good meeting with a therapist.

Yeah, I have taken it in the past when depressed, but it usually led straight to hypomania and then full blown mania. I don’t remember it affecting anxiety, but these last 6 months, even last year of my life have been the most stressful I remember. And I love my daughter to pieces, but knowing my psych fallout hits her is the absolute worst. H is like, “can’t you hold it together for T’s sake?” And there are times when there is no way I can, not even for my daughter, and I hate that. It makes me such a horrible mother

[tecomsin]

It's understandable you would be anxious about your role in your daughter's life, given the cps investigation. You are on a large number of medications too and that might be a factor in how you feel. I became much less anxious when I stopped taking bupropion. I personally think you are possibly taking too many different medications and that is making you feel worse rather than better. You might want to raise this with your pdoc or get a second opinion about your medication regimen.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

It's understandable you would be anxious about your role in your daughter's life, given the cps investigation. You are on a large number of medications too and that might be a factor in how you feel. I became much less anxious when I stopped taking bupropion. I personally think you are possibly taking too many different medications and that is making you feel worse rather than better. You might want to raise this with your pdoc or get a second opinion about your medication regimen.

Yes, I have considered this too but not until I know our future path. And maybe or maybe not then. Usually when I take Wellbutrin it is short-term, 3 or 4 months. Once the CPS case closes,I will ask the pdoc if I could try coming off it or lowering the dosage.

My body does metabolize medication weird in that it tends nor to be that’s sensitive to a lot of meds, hence leading to higher dosages. I have been that way since starting meds. Don’t get me wrong, some psych meds like Remeron, I am extremely sensitive to and have tons of side effects.

Most of the anxiety meds except the Buspar and probably at least 2 mg of Klonopin are prn though lately the stress is so bad, I take them daily, so they are no longer prn.

This damned mixed cycle! Before the pdoc could go after the mania or after the depression. Now, I am starting to wonder if either mixed or depression are my default mode. But if I don’t sleep, for certain mania becomes default. I don’t think I can get off medication for depression until H becomes less depressed about his job situation. I don’t know, maybe? Cymbalta helped pretty good for awhile though you knew if you missed one or 2 doses, and stopping it was hard since it is used to treat fibromyalgia too, and I just hurt 100 times worse than any fibromyalgia flare stopping it. Effexor works for me too, but it is hard for me to stop, definitely even tapering I get the brain zaps.

H seems to think my default is depression. And he might be right. But without meds, God knows. I have been on Lamictal for years and still needed Seroquel to curb mania. Maybe see if I can get off the Clonidine too as it has made me forgetful when I was given too high a dose. And then the Protonix interferes with everything under the sun, and Gi doc doesn’t want me off that any time soon. Nor do I ever want to experience perforated ulcer surgery again; I would rather die than to relive those 2 months of my life, that’s how bad it is. Then, maybe propranolol and see how anxiety does. If I got off Wellbutrin, I am pretty sure the way I am now I will need something with AD properties.