Constant Fear

The one thing I continue to struggle with is fear. It can come out of nowhere and most of the time is not a frightful fear, it’s the fear of being in trouble...of getting caught. I haven’t DONE anything to warrant this feeling in over thirty years yet I cannot get rid of it!!! These fears have no basis in my current life, I’m an advanced age adult with nothing to be afraid of.

I was physically and emotionally abused as a child and adolescent by my father and sexually abused my a family friend at the age of 3-4-5 (not sure of age but before beginning public school).

I know this probably belongs in another spot but the bipolar forum is the most active and I am bipolar so...yeah...

I have worked on this off and on over the years. I’ve been successful at releasing so many other debilitating emotional crutches but this one is sooo very deep.

Does anyone else struggle with this or been able to release and overcome it?

I feel if I could let go of this, the war with myself would be all but over.

Maybe we can help each other because I have yet to experience a therapy or technique that works for me.

Are you on an anti-psychotic? For me the fear is so strong it passes into paranoia. The only thing that has helped is an anti-psychotic. Please tell your doctor about your fear as it affects your quality of life.

I am so sorry you came from an abusive home and that really must compound the fear.

I did not come from an abusive home yet I can think of times I have gotten irrationally fearful and paranoid. So some of the fear may be purely because you are bipolar. For me, adding Zoloft (Sertraline) and taking less Bupropion helped stop my constant feeling of fight or flight. I also take Gabapentin and Xanax. I agree with Miguel's Mom that you doctor might be able to prescibe something that eases your suffering.

((((CrT0811)))) I'm sorry you're struggling with fear. I was not abused but I often have fear/paranoia as well, often for the most ridicolous situation. I'm sorry you were abused as a child I think these are issues that are worth discussing in therapy. How is it going?

I have a fear that comes frequently that I’m about to be arrested. I expect every ring of the door knob to be the police. It’s nerve wracking as I’ve done nothing wrong! I try mantras, thought stopping and distracting myself. It’s helped the episodes get less. Some days, though, it’s so bad I can’t sleep. I stay awake in fear.

I’m sorry you have this irritation. It’s frustrating. Take care

Fear of being/getting in trouble? Oh yeah. And like you say, apropos of nothing. I also think it goes back to childhood for me-- being held responsible whether or not I had any control over the matter. (Example: When we were kids, my sister got bullied and she brought it up to our mother, who responded, "well what did you do to *make them* bully you? Yeah.) And I've never been able to shake it either. I feel responsible for things I have absolutely no responsibility for(!) I fear getting in trouble for things I don't even know. Filling out an application is a straight up nightmare. I will worry that they might be asking a question in a different sense and maybe I've picked the wrong one. Being told to estimate something sends me into a panic because I'm afraid of getting in trouble for not getting it right to the cent. Surely the hammer will come down and they'll be convinced I did it on purpose(!) (Online are the absolute WORST because you can't just ask someone, and they won't let you proceed to the next page without the info.)

I've also read of this sort of fear happening with OCD (Like driving along and worrying that maybe they hit someone and then wondering again and again, "but am I sure I didn't?") I don't know if you've tried any strategies (whether techniques, meds or both) from an OCD angle, but it might be worth checking out.

I doubt I've devoted as much effort trying to get past it. This and my BDD I've pretty well written off as hopeless. There's enough (and more than enough in the case of the BDD) evidence that my "flawed thinking" isn't flawed, therefore keeping it afloat.

Ok, the closest I came was trying to take a page from my ex-BF's book. Covert narcissist and sociopathic, I was always jealous of his ability to be fearless. (Because he didn't care(!)) I never even came close to getting *there*, of course, but it did help me speak up to ask questions a bit more, hearing him say in my mind, "it never hurts to ask". I always believed that it *does* in fact hurt to ask (childhood much?). So it did help a little. "What's the worst that can (realistically) happen?" can SOMETIMES be a helpful thought if it can be kept out of the catastrophizing realm. Because a lot of times, the answer is simply, "they'll say no". Those were (are) among the things that can put the fear of getting in trouble in me, so maybe a little helpful(??)

(ps We are in the same age group.)

My doc and I agree that’s where a lot of it comes from but I’m trying my best to avoid as many meds as possible. My career depends on my ability to think on several levels so any meds that alter this could create roadblocks to this ability. So...she puts up with me and is actually monitoring my progress as she is of a similar mind for those who struggle with these sorts of issues yet depend on being able to continue in highly scientific fields while using more meditative and mental exercise therapies as possible.

The fear is deeply set. I am hoping there are others who have navigated through it sans too much mind altering meds. It’s not about feeling that meds are bad. Quite the opposite. For most, the right medication is the right answer...just not for me at this time. Thanks so much, though

Thanks for responding. I have a caring and patient doc. She specializes in working with patients who try to maintain their careers in highly scientific fields. I’m not in that group any more, but I write science fiction and metaphysical fiction so losing any cognitivity is not an option right now. I’m hoping there are answers out there. I just need to keep looking and not give up.

Thank you.

We share a lot of the same fears. I have been able to sometimes bring myself to center with Mindfulness exercises but then it pops up at the weirdest times. It’s a work in progress.

Thanks. As I mentioned, she knows and is helping. Just always looking for ways others deal with this since it is one of the things I really struggle with on a daily basis. If I can crack it, I think many of my phobias will go away, too.

I’m hoping to go as med free as possible. I have a doc who works with those who cannot afford to be heavily medicated unless it’s absolutely necessary for their and other’s safety. Our livelihoods depend on our ability to stay as sharp as possible.

It’s a gut wrenching job she has. Many of her patients are in highly specialized and dangerous jobs. But, no one on this planet is immune to mental disorders and, actually, the higher IQ and cognitive abilities, the closer to that thin line we walk. Most people who experience mental issues have far above average intelligence. Yup...we are the brightest ones out there. So, remember that the next time your self talk ties to run you down.

I can relate to this, although not sure if it's exactly the same as what you are describing. I will worry that I have done something that harmed others even if unintentionally, or that I will be negligent and harm others, that mistakes I made are so bad they are almost like crimes, that kind of stuff. I start to feel paranoid towards myself in a weird way. I actually wonder if I have OCD and will be talking to my therapist about that to find out (I also get intrusive thoughts).

Sorry I have no good answers, but I hope you find something that works. Mindfulness exercises seem to help me a bit, but I really don't have that much control over it.

We are all here to support each other, grow and learn.

Have you ever looked into EFT?
There are lots of books on Amazon.com on it. It stands for Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as tapping.
It is extremely quick, and can be done at the moment fears or anxiety pop up.
In a nutshell, you feel the fear or anxiety as deeply as you can, while tapping on certain meridian points. You will quickly find the points that work for you. You keep tapping while feeling as strongly as you can, and before you know it, it dissipates.
You don't even need a book, there are youtube videos on it. Just search EFT. I kid you not, it is extremely easy. I've been using it for probably 25 years, and it has saved my bacon many times.

I am actually in the process of researching these techniques. It’s very similar to acupressure and uses meridian points in much the same way. I’ve been intrigued by early experiments with it. I’ve been trying it first on physical issues as it’s much easier to see results from these quickly. I have the main book on my e reader but have yet to get to it. What I’ve worked with so far have been via videos and graphics on various blog sites. I’m pleased with the early trials. I’m also attempting to see if I can combine this with acupressure and quantum touch techniques.

I am convinced everything that takes us out of balance is able to be brought back into balance...it’s just a matter of how best to get it done. I’m also sure in the not too distant future, metaphysical physicians will be as common place as any other MD and there will be a general head shaking that we couldn’t have figured this all out sooner and spent so much time treating symptoms instead of treating the body as a single multiverse organism.

Thanks for the response. What different areas have you used the EFT and what have been your best and worst results thus far? I’m ever the curious student of all things in non invasive alternative medicine. Always eager to hear how others are finding ways to heal without synthetic chemicals and symptom only processes.