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#1
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I'm ruminating. Given the day I've had, I shouldn't be, but here we are. In my job search I got several applications in and had a few people ask for me specifically.
So, what am I thinking about. Where I've been, how badly that has been screwed up, and how badly I can screw it up going forward. I'm thinking about the fact that I was fired in a contentious no-win situation and the one supervisor still standing is the one who stood to benefit the most from it. He didn't like me on a personal level towards the end and now, I'm hearing his voice trashing me as my reference, because let's face it, I can't not let them contact my previous employer. That would look like I'm hiding something. Or that I'm ashamed. ME. Not my boss. ME! I'm thinking about the fact that the last time I lost my job, it took six years to find another one. I had help staying afloat, but needless to say, I don't want to repeat that. Finally, I'm positively salivating over the fact that without financial aid from the university, I don't have money, which necessitates me looking for employment, which leads to these ruminations, which leads me to not be able to focus on my measly school work, which leads back to financial aid and the merry-go-rounds starts again! Yay. All I need is financial stability until the end of the month. If I can get that, the cycle is broken. If not... I actually might go back to the hospital. I feel this weird crazed energy around me that I don't really want.
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"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." -Litany Against Fear (Dune) |
![]() Anonymous45023, cashart10, wildflowerchild25
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#2
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Different situation, but relatable. I really feel for you. Everything up in the air and looking for work are very stressful.
![]() Is there any chance you could list someone else there as your reference? |
![]() Aurelius710
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#3
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Quote:
__________________
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." -Litany Against Fear (Dune) |
![]() Anonymous45023
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