[Blueberrybook]

I am just sick of it all lately. Sick of BP, hating mixed to my core, sick of the ED, sick of the miles I run maybe for the ED, maybe for anxiety, maybe as a means of self-harm.

I am having a hard time right now. I'm not going to hurt myself or have any plans, so don't worry there.

H got a new job as of Jan. 1, but his new health insurance doesn't kick in until early March. I need to go back to therapy again. I know the therapist I was seeing last would see me again probably on a sliding scale or deferred payment method because at my last appt. in Dec., she gave me her card and told me to call her if I needed anything at all and not to worry about it, and I know she will most likely take the new insurance when it starts since it's from one of the major insurance companies out there. I just can't work up the courage to call her.

I'm having horrible panic attacks, both yesterday and today, with high anxiety lasting for a several hours each day (the super high anxiety lasting hours) though the panic attacks themselves were on the long end, verging 20 min each. As I result, I didn't get much done yesterday or today

And stupid mixed, happy one moment, in tears the next, then so-so, then back to tears or big plans but no energy to carry them out. I'm so tired of being mixed, but last pdoc appt. (actually it was Wednesday, I lucked out and had a credit there or I would have been paying $80), the pdoc seemed super happy I'd blow dried & styled my hair and put on a little makeup like mascara and lipstick even if I hadn't gained any weight (lost 1 lb., not significant for worry). He was so thrilled about the care for appearance that he seemed to talk of little else except to answer a question I had about my Raynaud's being worse than I ever remember any winter in the past and if it could be the medication. Ugh, whatever. I guess if I start having too much trouble, I'll keep bugging him on his emergency but not 9-1-1 cell after hours & on the weekend. At least, he is contactable for issues that might need a medication tweak or a no, you get right in and see me in the morning. Many pdocs do not do that, I have learned.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry you're still in a mix and insurance hasn't kicked in. Can you see a therapist sliding scale even if it's a different therapist for now?

(((((hugs))))

things will get better- just hang in their

[Sunflower123]

I hope you feel better soon. ((((( Hugs )))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( hugs ))))))))

[cashart10]

I hope things look up for you soon!

[jaysmotogp]

Sorry Blue. Take it one day, well, one minute at a time.
Mixed is indeed crap, been struggling with it all day today myself and was actually thinking of making a post similar to yours. Sick and tired of it all.
Found a local BP support group, might give it a try

[raspberrytorte]

Did you tell your pdoc about your anxiety and panic attacks?

[Blueberrybook]

Thanks everyone. I forgot to mention the worsening panic attacks & anxiety to the pdoc. He's so efficient. I always get rattled and forget what I want to say when I forget to pre-write it on paper. Today was better. I think I may have been taking 1/2 a Trazodone pill (25 mg for me) in the morning instead of 1/2 the 25 mg hydroxyzine pills. I cleared out my morning pills and threw away all the white circle pills cut in half. They make the hydoxyzine larger & smaller, same with the Trazodone. I think I have plenty of both, but I have found nobody really cares if you lose Trazodone vs. oops, you threw away a half bottle of Klonopin.

Really trying to work up the courage to call that CBT therapist again. I know I need to. It's just hard.

Think I may be getting somewhat hypomanic, but I really have nowhere to go on the Seroquel, and taking a different AP especially with no prescription insurance really isn't something I want to do. Though generic Seroquel is cheap enough at Walmart, $9 for my 400 mg prescription, $9 to make up the extra 100 mg.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I really have nowhere to go on the Seroquel, and taking a different AP especially with no prescription insurance really isn't something I want to do. Though generic Seroquel is cheap enough at Walmart, $9 for my 400 mg prescription, $9 to make up the extra 100 mg.

If your signature is correct you have plenty of room to go up on Seroquel. It is FDA approved to 800 mg and lots of pdocs will go up to 1000-1200 mg. Mine went up to 1500 mg when trying to avoid clozapine. Seroquel has a huge safe range.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

If your signature is correct you have plenty of room to go up on Seroquel. It is FDA approved to 800 mg and lots of pdocs will go up to 1000-1200 mg. Mine went up to 1500 mg when trying to avoid clozapine. Seroquel has a huge safe range.

Yes...just to reiterate...I take 600MG and have, in the past, taken up to 1200 MG.