Depression + social isolation: they can be mutually exclusive, you know.

My therapist said today that I socially isolate myself all the time and that my lack of social activity is indicative of depression. She then asked if I was depressed, and I said no. Then she gave me a look that suggested “I don’t believe you.”

To be honest, I don’t care for social stuff. I’m not depressed. I just don’t want to become vulnerable again and get taken advantage of like I have been many times in the past.

Everyone in grade school called me weird and I was a loner. I was a loner BY CHOICE though. Everyone told me I was ugly, stupid, and weird no matter how nice I was to them, so I decided I wanted no part of it and chose to be alone to avoid harassment. (People aren’t your friends anyway if they make fun of you like that.). But of course, people then made fun of me for being a loner anyway... Even worse though... In college, people still pulled the same sh_t, except they were even crueler. I was fortunate that I wasn’t stuck in all the same classes with all the same people in the same building like I was in high school, but that didn’t make my college classmates’ treatment toward me any less cruel.

My therapist can’t seem to get that through her head. One of my college “friends” decided it would be nice to tell everyone in our study group that I was too weird to be a part of their study group (basically, it was “unfair” that they had to “deal” with me) and to go find someone else to study with. No one ever told me what I did “wrong,” either. I hardly talked to anybody in the first place, so I don’t even know what I said or what I did. All I did was share notes and help people?

Maybe my social skills suck. Who knows. Probably. But I am NOT depressed simply because I don’t want to be social. /rant

You write eloquently. You should be able to make this point across to the therapist.

But she probably would counter that now in your adult professional life, being social does not involve being up against cliques in high school or college. Being social might be going to a small meetup or for coffee with one or two people of our choosing. You CAN pull it off and you should try - in this I agree with her. You were treated so poorly in your childhood and youth that you did not have an opportunity to develop your social skills, but now you can make them flourish. We on here will support you all the way, naturally.

How is kitchen and other living space organization going?

I can see your point of view. Something else I thought of to go along with your train of thought is..someone who IS social or friendly, outwardly happy can be depressed. There are times where I have dropped down from a manic episode and even though its like walking on glass for me to leave the house; i do it anyway and still smile at the store clerk and answer some phone calls without turning into a basket case. During those times I feel devastating sadness but outwardly I can squeak by.

I also isolate myself at all times. It does get worse when I am depressed but that goes to the lengths of staying in bed to be away from my H and kids and not answering the door etc.

Normally though it is more like what you have described. I was always the odd one out though no one treated me the way they treated you and im sorry you went through that. I feel that no one likes me and I am not sure what I do wrong. I can get along fine or even well with anyone but it never goes to the point of friendship.

So I choose to not try anymore and no it is not because I am always depressed. There just seems to be no point. My T also has been trying to push me to try but it feels useless, I am awkward around people I dont know except on the psych ward and at work, and I am already not friends with people I do know. Im tired of trying. She wants to figure out an expirament where I would ask people what they think of me but not in my small town. However my problem is absolutely not with initial impressions.

I disagree that it is different than high school cliques. My town is small and there are rarely new people and somehow they make their way into the cliques no problem. I have lived here my whole life I am simply too different, inconsistent, had my children young but quit partying unlike the other young moms.

I understand what you mean, bluebycicle I agree that these two things aren't mutually exclusive. But I also agree with AspiringAuthor, sarahsweets and Tryingtobehappy5. You can still find some people you feel comfortable with and try to be friends. Of course it's not easy, especially if you have social anxiety. But it can be done. I'm so sorry you've been treated this way. You didn't deserve it all. Stay strong. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Remember that we're here for you to support you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

I can relate. I really don't try even when not depressed. I'm friendly with a handful of people at work (though now I am changing to another job, so there goes that), but it's not like we hang out outside of work. I've been going to meetups, and again, all is fine at our activities, but it doesn't go beyond that. I've realized that I don't really know how to go from aquaintence to friend.

I'm so sorry you were treated that way in school. Sheesh, what jerks. I do agree that that lessens in adulthood, though it still does exist. But at least *most* people know how to act better than they did when college/school age. So it's probably worth trying, though I do understand your POV. Once I get done with work and errands, I'm pretty content to just hang out at home drawing or listening to music or watching shows/movies.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

I am sorry - I live in a large metro area that feels anonymous, with a MeetUp to suit every possible and impossible taste and interest, and I did not think about how different it would be in a small town, esp. if you have made very different choices from the rest of the people your age.

You dont have to be sorry, we all have our own realities. I still make the choice not to try. I know it would be easier with more people where I could fit in better but there would still be a chance here if I tried a little.