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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,931
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#21
You can be more grounded in your faith and take medication. Don't fall into the "if you believe hard enough you wouldn't be suffering." It's not true. You do get sick and there's medication to help. God wouldn't have made people capable to invent medication if he didn't want to heal the sick. JMO.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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cashart10, MickeyCheeky
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,435
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#22
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__________________ Pookyl ———————————————————————————— BP1, GAD, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Claustrophobia Psych meds: Saphris, Seroquel XR, regular Seroquel. PRN Diazepam and Zopiclone |
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cashart10, MickeyCheeky
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,923
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#23
Well, religion is tough, but no, I definitely do not think so, and I do believe in God. I also agree with the above posts about staying on your meds. I've had one or 2 instances of feeling God very strongly in my life, but never anything like what you are describing.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
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cashart10, MickeyCheeky
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cashart10, MickeyCheeky
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
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#24
Thank you guys. MM, that makes sense. I am going to have to say something to my pdoc because I have become obsessed over this. And I do know better. I know I know better. I am listening to Jeremy Camp’s version of Give Me Jesus on loop and it is bringing me comfort. I also did take a shower but I took it while my husband was home so that it was contained. I did feel like filth was being washed from me and I was being made new again. I missed IOP this morning too so I literally did nothing but play on my phone and stay wrapped up in my head except to pick my niece and nephew up from school and go to my husband’s grandma’s house for a couple of hours for a birthday party. Now I am back in my head. And I am awake. It’s only 10:30 so that isn’t entirely terrible but I hope I get tired. I can always take more klonapin. I just feel like so much of what has been happening to me in the last couple of months is entrapment by Satan, not mental illness. And I think it is tearing me apart to the point I will never be able to function or go back to work again. And that is terrible because I had several good days last week. So good in fact, I thought things were back to normal. I actually believed that.
__________________ ***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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MickeyCheeky, wildflowerchild25
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
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#25
I went ahead and left her a msg. I told her that I was leaving it on her vm because I may not feel willing to tell her tomorrow and she needs to know. I let her know that I was having some unreal thinking, what sparked it and that I would prefer my husband and mom not know because I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
__________________ ***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, tecomsin
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: KY
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#26
I spoke to my pdoc. She is increasing my Latuda and also wants me to stay in IOP until it’s completion. I didn’t take my meds this morning and admitted that to her and she just gently reminded me I will be hospitalized if I choose not to take them. She encouraged me to briefly describe what is happening to my husband so I will have some accountability so I just told him that I feel like I’m not mentally ill and it’s making it difficult to take my meds because I feel like they are unhealthy for me. He did not, to my surprise, overreact and understood...even said anyone with chronic illness feels this way sometimes (he has heart disease). He said he would look out for me. I just hope he doesn’t nag me and take it overboard.
__________________ ***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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MickeyCheeky
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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#27
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, cashart10 I'm glad you're getting the help and support that you need and deserve. I hope things will get better soon for you. You deserve it. You're going through so much. You don't deserve to suffer like this. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. You're a wonderful person. Stay strong, cashart10. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this
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cashart10
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cashart10
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: canada
Posts: 2,007
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#28
Good on you for reaching out to your pdoc with the truth about compliance and your reasons for not taking your meds. Unfortunately it is very common for people to stop being med compliant, and some of us know the havoc that can wreck people's lives as a result. I also feel my meds are unhealthy and stop believing I need them sometimes but I think after my last catastrophic episode I am not going to do that again.
__________________ BP 1 with psychotic features 50 mg Lyrica 50 mcg Synthroid 2.5 mg olanzapine |
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cashart10
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cashart10
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
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#29
Quote:
__________________ ***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
10 3,076 hugs
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#30
Quote:
__________________ ***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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