update

I requested DocJohn to delete my previous thread because it was stupid (in case you were wondering where it went).

ANYWAY, I FINALLY feel like myself after being off an antipsychotic for a while. I was always a bubbly person, but ever since starting antipsychotics, I've become boring/dull/uninteresting. I'm now able to SMILE and LAUGH like I was able to prior to 2015, right before I first started my medications. Sure, I'm agitated at times nowadays, but some agitation here and there is much better than being flat/dull all the time. Would you not agree?

I have a pdoc appt tomorrow and I'm going to ask for a Lexapro increase to make my remaining agitation go away. I think my first pdoc made the mistake of reducing the dose, because then I became severely depressed within days of being on the reduced dose. I'm never taking an antipsychotic again. They ruin my personality. (I originally didn't want any meds, but something has to be done about the agitation, so I'm willing to compromise. Ritalin and Lexapro are what I want.)

I did have a therapy appt earlier today, and fortunately, I was feeling bubbly (like I used to be 4 years ago). No agitation whatsoever. We FINALLY had a fun conversation, too, instead of "I hate my life," "I'm stressed out," and "I'm having panic attacks." Of course, I did mention my how agitation would wax and wane, but I was feeling pretty damned good if I don't say so myself.

bipolar or not, I finally feel freeeee. I'm not recommending everyone to stop their meds, but I think I made the right decision and I'm happy with it. I miss my old self.