[FriendlyJoe]

Today I just wanted to get away. So I went to a coffee shop and ordered a vegan sandwich and coffee with almond milk. I began my writing and the words was just flowing and getting some progress.

2 guys sit behind me and bump into my chair, whatever I push the table a foot forward to give them more room. Trying to be nice and move my chair up. Again one of the guys is just messing with his bag getting things and keeps hitting my chair I move It forward again and my chair. 3rd time i turn around and tell them do not hit my chair again while looking in the eyes of the guy doing it then shift to the bigger friend that I meant business and would bash both of their heads on the table. Everyone starts looking at me with fear, wtf I let it go 2 times. Why I'm I the bad guy? Stuff like that is why i hate going places because these normal people are such dicks and inconsiderate of others. Common trait of normal disorder.

Anyone else have to deal with the everyday BS of all these people with normal disorder?

[Mopey]

Yes. It's awful. People lack normal manners. Normal courtesy. Normal recognition of someone else's space. What to do?

I find myself retreating more and more into my house. I wish I were The Incredible Hulk sometimes. ((((HUGS FRIENDLY JOE))))

I am not sure you can call what such people have as "normal disorder" at least to my perspective. I call it "poor upbringing" and "societal norms changing for the worse". Or bullying, though I'm not sure bullying applied to your story. But many see that behavior as the norm, but we can fight it. The more poor behavior is permitted and encouraged the more society rots. I would have done the same thing you did, but after only the second bumping.

[FriendlyJoe]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Yes. It's awful. People lack normal manners. Normal courtesy. Normal recognition of someone else's space. What to do?


I find myself retreating more and more into my house. I wish I were The Incredible Hulk sometimes. ((((HUGS FRIENDLY JOE))))

I loved that show as a kid. I even had my mom make me a hulk costume for Halloween, which was fitting for a bipolar kid. I had my manic episodes as a kid and I really was the hulk. Lol

I try to reduce my time around a bunch of people that do not know me. At work I have respect that I need to not hulk out. But public settings not so unless I become a famous and known mob boss which comes with all kinds of other problems.

I see my pych next week so maybe theres something that works like how marijuana does, like a chill effect. But mad and laughing might really scare people off though so I might pass on that. I'd like to be able to deal with public situations outside of work because reading and writing is fun but I want more than that.

[FriendlyJoe]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I am not sure you can call what such people have as "normal disorder" at least to my perspective. I call it "poor upbringing" and "societal norms changing for the worse". Or bullying, though I'm not sure bullying applied to your story. But many see that behavior as the norm, but we can fight it. The more poor behavior is permitted and encouraged the more society rots. I would have done the same thing you did, but after only the second bumping.

But if you think about it, other situations causes depression, PTSD, and other disorders that's not part of a person entire life. So these type of people which is a very large majority would also fall under that same criteria. It's close enough that if used in a court case it would be warranted. People that are brought up in "normal" setting are basically incapable of change and will not try to be a better person so thus should be a disorder as well.

There's so many different types of personalities out there thats created from their experiences as a child or adult that has made a large impact in their lives. I'm an executive officer at my work and I analyze everything from depts policy procedures to employee behavior and where they're best suited. I have a depression disorder guy and I've placed him where he will do the best and his work productively has shot through the roof. The decision I made made his work life better in which might have also made his personal life better.

Everyone has some type of disorder because no one is perfect and I see flaws in everyone. More so from normal people, their very mean and cruel. The people I volunteere with are a completely different type of personality and are so happy and nice. I feel great around them and I volunteer a lot now lol. I'll start talking with homeless and buy a case of beer and chill. Kindness goes a long way yet its impossible for them to do that. Imagine seeing someone in a nice BMW X5 twin turbo V8 pull over and laugh and joke with all the homeless? Giving them blankets, food, and having drinks? All of them say the same thing, people look at them with disgust and look away. If that's what normal is I'm glad thats not me.

[Mopey]

I wish you well, Friendly Joe.

[~Christina]

I was on vacation last week .. I really don’t do well in crowds of 20 - hundreds.

I had a few times a day when I was just around some rude people that were just idiots and just getting into my personal space. I have ptsd so my space always needs protected for me to be okay and functional.

If I were you in that coffee shop I would have likely left after the second rudeness. Or at least move to another table. What I do find more relaxing is coffee shop in a book store , I think the vast majority of people in a book store are just much nicer as to true readers a book shop is a magical happy place.

Sorry that happened to you

[FriendlyJoe]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I was on vacation last week .. I really don’t do well in crowds of 20 - hundreds.

I had a few times a day when I was just around some rude people that were just idiots and just getting into my personal space. I have ptsd so my space always needs protected for me to be okay and functional.

If I were you in that coffee shop I would have likely left after the second rudeness. Or at least move to another table. What I do find more relaxing is coffee shop in a book store , I think the vast majority of people in a book store are just much nicer as to true readers a book shop is a magical happy place.

Sorry that happened to you

I'm going to give it a shot, thanks for your suggestion. I'll let you know how it goes, tomorrow I'll look up book stores. Do libraries count as well?

[saidso]

I liked the beginning of what you wrote, but when you generalised from one incident to "normal people are abusive and mean" I don't agree with your thinking. It's same old the "I" versus "Them" rant. Doesn't get anyone anywhere in my opinion.

I think you are entirely correct in that most people go through challenges in their life and can be momentarily aggressive to strangers as a result of that. I know that I've occasionally been super aggressive to public transport employees when the frustration of commuting took me over.

Yes, we can walk away. We can look for situations where people behave in a more human, open manner. We can walk away to protect from our own triggers (I'm a violence survivor also). I don't idealise "peace" because I grew up in an environment where you had to deal with violence. Emotionally however like you I need a certain amount of healthy human behaviours around me in order to relax and learn about myself.

Finding a way to meet my need to be surrounded by health behaviour is more important than ranting and controlling the behaviour of other people. It's about contacting my own healthy behaviours inside, and letting them help me to connect to healthy other people outside.

All people are limited and sometimes nasty in my opinion. It's easier to expect more from others than I can achieve myself but actively meeting my emotional needs gets me a lot further. Note to self: how can I act in an emotionally healthy way in the next hour/ today???? Eeek….. now that is a challenge.

You write well, have you tried joining a writers' group and sometimes writing/ reading your stuff with other people?

[still_crazy]

there is..."micro-aggression." that's pop social sciences speak for: people are rude as hell these days.

i used to think it was all social class...now, i dont think so. status is an issue, but ive seen some mad micro-aggression aimed towards people of higher status, from people of lower status. so...ok...weird (?). not trying to sound elitist, just...snubs and such are more common from upper status to lower status, its just how society (usually) operates. now, its just...free floating micro-aggression. everybody's angry!

ive dealt with rude people at drive thrus, getting coffee. reasonably well dressed, polite, just...wow....ok. along the same line of thought...

i have relatives who live in a small town area, lived there....nearly 30 years. over I'd say 5-10 years, the -feel- of the neighborhood has shifted, and its accelerated since some elderly people passed away and younger people took over what had been their houses (some related, some bought it, not related). gone are the years of people talking on their front porches, neighborly waves, people asking if they can use a little bit of your yard space to garden (it was awesome, btw)...

there's a coldness, a detachment...with a couple of them, some -definite- micro-aggression, bubbling up. i dont...get it. i dont like it, either. :-(

[fern46]

Whatever happened to people politely talking their issues through?

This reminded me of a guy I was in a group therapy session with. A girl kept bumping his chair and he didn't like it. He told me and several others about it. He gave dirty looks. He even scooted his chair over a little. She didn't get the hint. She was manic and on a lot of meds. He finally just left.

I kept wondering to myself why he couldn't say 'excuse me, could you please stop bumping into my chair?' I find that asking someone nicely to stop doing something usually stops the behavior dead in its tracks. You usually get an apology too. I encouraged this guy to speak up. I offered to say something for him, but instead he just left. He literally stewed about it for days when all he needed to do was be brave enough to kindly ask for what he wanted.

Joe... Maybe the person was inconsiderate, but that doesn't mean they are less than or have some sort of disorder. Missing the basic opportunity to speak up politely seems what is out of place to me. You shouldn't have to move your chair. Just move your mouth in the right way. People aren't mind readers and they aren't the idiots you make them out to be. They are just people. Like you.

[FriendlyJoe]

Originally Posted by fern46

Whatever happened to people politely talking their issues through?


This reminded me of a guy I was in a group therapy session with. A girl kept bumping his chair and he didn't like it. He told me and several others about it. He gave dirty looks. He even scooted his chair over a little. She didn't get the hint. She was manic and on a lot of meds. He finally just left.


I kept wondering to myself why he couldn't say 'excuse me, could you please stop bumping into my chair?' I find that asking someone nicely to stop doing something usually stops the behavior dead in its tracks. You usually get an apology too. I encouraged this guy to speak up. I offered to say something for him, but instead he just left. He literally stewed about it for days when all he needed to do was be brave enough to kindly ask for what he wanted.


Joe... Maybe the person was inconsiderate, but that doesn't mean they are less than or have some sort of disorder. Missing the basic opportunity to speak up politely seems what is out of place to me. You shouldn't have to move your chair. Just move your mouth in the right way. People aren't mind readers and they aren't the idiots you make them out to be. They are just people. Like you.

I didn't say anything the first time and moved forward then the second time in turned and looked which he saw me. The third time I had enough and told him to stop and showed him he had literally 4ft of room. His smile left when I got up and was 1 ft away from his face. Not so funny when the person you're being a **** to is an fearless bipolar people and at that time I didnt care about anything around me or he had a big friend. It doesnt take a rocket science or mind reader that banging your backpack against someone back is a jackass thing to do. Or when they say to stop then have the audacity to smile and give no apologies. I have no problem speaking up and I tried to be considerate and move forward to allow him more space. 4ft of space from my chair to the chair he kept moving to hit mine isn't an accident. Some people do things like this to start a fight or get someone to move. I had a good seat and was already there so if their intention was to make me leave well that wouldnt ever happen I never just leave and I never go without speaking up. I actually speak too much and never back down even it I'll die for it because you have to have fear which I do not. They just bullied the wrong person and everyone saw what 2 *****es looked like.

His big friend tried to stare me down but without fear his eyes changed and realized the mistake him and his jackass friend just created. In an unconventional fight the bigger they are the harder they fall.

So yah he and his friend does have some disorder where he gets joy in being a asshole, they're just all bark and no bite. A look is more than words as he knew he was hitting my chair disrupting my writing. Then when I asked not to do it the smile then got me out of my chair. Also I totally disagree with you about people just like me. You are wrong on many levels. And yes he is less than everyone in that place, maybe he was beaten as a child or tortured but doing the same to others is not an excuse.

What would u do? I'd like to bash your chair over and over and see your reaction. And smile at you when you ask to stop. If you walk away then you just empowered them and allow them to terrorize and that is not who I am. I stand up against those people and if it wasnt me and he was doing it to the people next to me I'd do the same thing. I wont and will never allow that behavior and will stop it. No one deserves to be treated like that. This wasnt a manic person just 2 asshole college kids that thinks because their big they can do what they want.

[FriendlyJoe]

Originally Posted by saidso

I liked the beginning of what you wrote, but when you generalised from one incident to "normal people are abusive and mean" I don't agree with your thinking. It's same old the "I" versus "Them" rant. Doesn't get anyone anywhere in my opinion.


I think you are entirely correct in that most people go through challenges in their life and can be momentarily aggressive to strangers as a result of that. I know that I've occasionally been super aggressive to public transport employees when the frustration of commuting took me over.


Yes, we can walk away. We can look for situations where people behave in a more human, open manner. We can walk away to protect from our own triggers (I'm a violence survivor also). I don't idealise "peace" because I grew up in an environment where you had to deal with violence. Emotionally however like you I need a certain amount of healthy human behaviours around me in order to relax and learn about myself.


Finding a way to meet my need to be surrounded by health behaviour is more important than ranting and controlling the behaviour of other people. It's about contacting my own healthy behaviours inside, and letting them help me to connect to healthy other people outside.


All people are limited and sometimes nasty in my opinion. It's easier to expect more from others than I can achieve myself but actively meeting my emotional needs gets me a lot further. Note to self: how can I act in an emotionally healthy way in the next hour/ today???? Eeek….. now that is a challenge.


You write well, have you tried joining a writers' group and sometimes writing/ reading your stuff with other people?

I've watched and studied those types of people, I've encountered them numerous times. They find enjoyment in harming others and scaring people to get what they want. But the minute someone stands against them they crumble, usually no one will stand up especially when its 2 against 1. The most dangerous people in this world have nothing to prove and do not act in such a manner. Those are only cowards and bullies.

As for a writing group I might look into it, that actually sounds interesting.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by FriendlyJoe

I'm going to give it a shot, thanks for your suggestion. I'll let you know how it goes, tomorrow I'll look up book stores. Do libraries count as well?

Yes that would be a great idea too

[saidso]

Originally Posted by FriendlyJoe

I've watched and studied those types of people, I've encountered them numerous times. They find enjoyment in harming others and scaring people to get what they want. But the minute someone stands against them they crumble, usually no one will stand up especially when its 2 against 1. The most dangerous people in this world have nothing to prove and do not act in such a manner. Those are only cowards and bullies.

As for a writing group I might look into it, that actually sounds interesting.

I did a writing group through Meetup, and a friend did a similar local writing group. Although we have very different personalities and ages, both were positive experiences. I was surprised to find that although people were writing very different stuff (mostly fantasy and sci-fi) there was a good level of creativity and ecouragement. My friend's group took place in a pub and was very social which suited her need. Seems like creative effort can be a good bond amongst strangers, plus my group did 2 hours writing together while helps with structure and motivation.

[TheWell]

Let's try to stay supportive of each other.

so you who are complaining about those guys acting like aggressive jerks pretty much acted like the same thing. guess it's lucky a brawl didn't end up happening over who was the biggest "man" fighting over banging into a chair. honestly your language sounds about the same as the guys you are complaining about. just my $0.02.

seems like it just isn't worth getting all aggressive and worked up ready to kick some *** over. "His smile left when I got up and was 1 ft away from his face. Not so funny when the person you're being a **** to is an fearless bipolar people and at that time I didnt care about anything around me or he had a big friend." again so much for the calm response..what's the point? move the chair, move yourself.

." I had a good seat and was already there so if their intention was to make me leave well that wouldnt ever happen I never just leave and I never go without speaking up. I actually speak too much and never back down even it I'll die for it because you have to have fear which I do not. They just bullied the wrong person and everyone saw what 2 *****es looked like.

His big friend tried to stare me down but without fear his eyes changed and realized the mistake him and his jackass friend just created. In an unconventional fight the bigger they are the harder they fall."

trying to relax? again looks like you were looking for a fight...I suggest a library where you can get a single reading spot off by yourself, with no one near you...if that is what you truly want. peace and quiet. better yet, maybe a park sitting outside...something you can walk to where you will burn off some energy to get to.