[otroo]

My daughter and I have a pretty rocky relationship been that way for years I am bipolar and she is diagnosed personality disorder. She is very entitled and is a very negative and angry person. I love my daughter but I do not like her I cant be around her because her makes me manic and not the good kind. She and her girlfriend lived here for the past year and they did nothing but fight well they moved out a couple of months ago and my mental state has been the best it has ever been in years and yes I miss her. Well this weekend the wife and I went to the coast to the coast without telling her I mean why should we? She sent some texts to my wife around 5 PM and we did not get the cause we had no coverage and she knows not to text my wife between 5 and 6 cause she is driving home. Well after we got coverage my wife got the texts and our daughter blew up her phone calling her names and all this **** well my wife called her and my daughter went off calling her names and how we ruined her life and all this crap oh and I am the main reason she turned out the way she did. I wake up this morning to all these fb messages from her telling me I should kill myself and all this other nasty ****. So I told her she was toxic and that I did not want her in my life and she kept calling me all these names and I finally told her I was done and she blocked me. I double blocked her and just wrote the hardest thing I have ever written. I cant go back to rapid cycling with her around. She cant use the excuse that she cant afford her medications cause I pay for them and I still will.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, otroo! It is ALWAYS very hard when our loved ones are the ones that hurt us the most! Believe me when I say that you did the right thing for YOURSELF and for HER! You DO need to take care of yourself and you have EVERY RIGHT to BLOCK her if you feel like she's hurting you and your wife! I hope she'll realize how she's behaving and what she's doing but if she doesn't it is NOT YOUR FAULT! We can't control our children's lives after all! I'm sure you did everything you could to be a good parent to her! It's time to DO what's the BEST THING FOR YOURSELF now and to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT! Remember that we're here for you if you need it! Feel free to PM me anytime! Let us know if there's ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL that we can do to HELP YOU OUT! YOU DESERVE HELP! Just MENTION IT and LET US KNOW and we'll DO EVERYTHING WE CAN and we'll TRY TO DO OUR BEST TO HELP YOU AND YOUR WIFE OUT! I PROMISE YOU THAT!!!!! PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT!!!!! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Please keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN and LET US KNOW how things are going for you! We ALL DO CARE ABOUT YOU and we DO want want to know how things are going for you and your family and if things are going well for you and your family and if there' ANYTHING AT ALL that we can do to HELP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY OUT! I PROMISE YOU THAT!!!!! PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT!!!!! I'm so sorry you have to deal with ALL OF THIS, otroo!!!!!

I so totally agree with everything MickeyCheeky wrote, in her usual lovely way. I think you do need to look out for yourself right now. Stepping away (via blocking out an abusive or triggering person) is sometimes what we have to do. I'm sort of doing the same right now with my father.

I remember going to Al-Anon a while back and hearing them say how important it is to take care of oneself first. Initially I was angry, thinking "I'm here because I want to learn how to "fix/help" my father!" The fact is, however, that that is/was not possible. He must help himself. It sounds like you have helped your daughter as much as you could. She's no longer a child. Sometimes cutting the cord from someone who needs to help themself is more of a gift than enabling and tolerating, which can only prolong their avoidance in making changes. Just as alcoholics sometimes need to reach a bottom in order to accept help, work hard on their issues, or generally learn life's lessons, so do people with mental illness, or other similar issues.

I definitely know how this can make you feel sad, but I also encourage you to look at it in a brighter way. You are giving her tough love. It's hard to do, but it may be the greatest gift to her. If she doesn't eventually realize that, it's a pity, but you cannot do the work for her.

[Unrigged64072835]

You did the right thing and the best thing for all involved. Keep your boundaries and enforce them.

[otroo]

Thanks for your support.

[Wander]

The above posts have said all that I would suggest. I am so sorry you are going through this terrible time. Do you have support around you. I would hate for you to have to deal with this alone. Big hugs.

[seoultous]

I am sorry to hear that you feel you have been put in a horrible position. I understand that you felt like you had to do what you did.

Often I read here sympathy for the bipolar person who has been alienated by their family. We support them and tell them it's the family member's fault that they are rejecting them. Interesting that this is somehow different. Do you think your daughter will go on a forum and complain that her parents have rejected her because of her mental illness. Don't you think that forum will take her side and tell her that her parents were uncaring and unsympathetic?

This example makes me think that there are always complicating factors in supporting those with mental illness. Sounds like your daughter needs help and support. Everybody has a story and nobody's story is more valid than the others. I wonder what her story is.

[otroo]

Originally Posted by seoultous

I am sorry to hear that you feel you have been put in a horrible position. I understand that you felt like you had to do what you did.


Often I read here sympathy for the bipolar person who has been alienated by their family. We support them and tell them it's the family member's fault that they are rejecting them. Interesting that this is somehow different. Do you think your daughter will go on a forum and complain that her parents have rejected her because of her mental illness. Don't you think that forum will take her side and tell her that her parents were uncaring and unsympathetic?


This example makes me think that there are always complicating factors in supporting those with mental illness. Sounds like your daughter needs help and support. Everybody has a story and nobody's story is more valid than the others. I wonder what her story is.

Ahh but the point came in my life to where I am pretty stable right now and I cant have her in my life cause I feed off of her negative vibes and I cycle when she does. She moved out two months ago and things in our house have been pretty nice but she thrives off of drama. If she wants to go and post on a forum telling people that I abandoned her that is her story to tell and not mine
I am not hiding anything and through my wife she knows we will pay for her medications and therapy. She just has to be willing to comply. I mean you would think she knows better that it takes more then a week for the medications to take effect on her. I honestly would hope that she would go online and post about this stuff so maybe it would be therapeutic to her and she could read up on others that have the same conditions and maybe try out some of the stuff that has worked for others.
I mean I was not the best father and was gone half her life working as a truck driver I was gone a lot. Things were fine until I quit driving cause I was cycling to much towards the end being unmedicated and all that jazz. She is jealous of the relationship I have with my wife cause she was used to having mom all to herself.
This honestly escalated last week cause my wife did not respond to a text our daughter sent her right away. She also know not to text or call my wife between 5 and 6 cause she is driving home from work. I am done with her game I am tired at her swearing and calling her mother and I names I am tired of her threatening to kill us or herself I am just f@@@ing tired of it all and if this next part sound selfish so be it but I am done and I am looking out for my wife and mines own well being and I dont care if I have to cut people out of my life or not weather it be temporary or permanent. I have come to far to start all over again. It took long enough to find a medication that actually works for me pretty good and to have taken all these classes to throw it all away to have my daughter in my life.