[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Wander

Today's update. I have been saying I am doing well except for PTSD. Today I realised I have been downplaying the PTSD to myself. To be honest I am feeling incredibly trapped and overwhelmed. Non stop memories flood me so I dissociate unintentionally to cope. All this makes coping skills difficult as I disappear so fast. It is only getting worse, and I think this is only the beginning. Although stable with Bipolar finally I have now been hit with the effects of a lifetime of constant trauma. I just want it to go away and get on with my life but it is begging for attention and I can't seem to get out anyway. My T is helping me through this so I think I will be ok. It is just very difficult right now. I am hoping to get back to work soon once my hip recovers (I work on my feet moving around), but the anxiety I am experiencing may make returning difficult, especially since I haven't been to work since July last year.

Anyone else relate. Some of my trauma comes from the many times I have been hospitalised while very unwell. The rest is a list too long, and too sensitive, to describe.

Hi Wander, I definitely relate. Some of my trauma comes from the times I have been hospitalized, and then I have my childhood, poor choices in relationships, hostility at work.

I made very poor choices in my relationships and for the wrong reasons. This was before I became ill with bipolar. I picked people who were abusers and ended up alone, except I have my son, who is doing well in life now. He likes his new job and has a new girlfriend. He had given up on dating for a long time.

My mains symptom of this trauma is that I isolate and just want to be alone and my energy is very low and all I want to do is smoke weed and type on my laptop. Even eating is a chore, just something to endure. My life is flat and pretty boring. Every day is the same and I don't see i have much to look forward to except an inevitable decline into not being able to take care of myself.

But I have made a few positive decisions. One was to get involved with a 12 step program called Emotions Anonymous. Another is to stop going on a lung cancer forum. I am a survivor now for more than 3 years post-op, and there is no reason to keep dwelling on all the bad things that might happen if it were to return, and what I might have to endure. My long term side effects from chemo are pretty devastating. it is also isolating to have such hearing loss and to have all my extremities painfully tingling and numb all the time.

I decided it is better to be bored than to focus on lung cancer right now. So it is a step in the right direction.

[wildflowerchild25]

RS and I were approved for the house!!! We start moving in in June! So excited.

Originally Posted by Scooter9

My son came for a surprise visit for mother's day!

He flew from 1/2 way around the world 22 hours to come see his mother on mother's day!

Of course he's here to see me and the rest of the family too

What a nice surprise!

Thanks so much for sharing this! This is such a lovely thing!

I already created a thread sort of complaining about my psychiatrist and the medication Latuda. But to add on, he seemed to be picking on me at one point. When I called him on it, he said it was just part of his humor. He can often have the most obnoxious kind of humor.

At first he said "Why did you say "piddly"? What do you mean by "piddly"?

I was like "What the heck are you talking about? You don't know the word "piddly"?"

Then he said "Oh, you were saying "poultry"?

"Poultry?!?!" I yelled. "I wasn't talking about chickens! What are you talking about!?!? Are you picking on me?"

"No", he answered.

"Wellllll, I guess you just don't understand people from [my town], do you? Maybe learn a little local vocabulary!"

At this moment I'm upstairs listening to birds chirp outside. I need that. I've been revved up all day.

[Wild Coyote]

A warm hello to all!

I have wanted to participate more here. Life is very hectic and very difficult right now and for awhile now. We all know the drill!

I am having luck with Mirapex lifting my mood, sometimes a bit too much.
I have been very depressed, only recently moving into some mania -- both pleasant and quite unpleasant. Euphoria and very irritable. Constantly changing med dosages. Have had to go back onto Seroquel for mania, for now.

I read here often and think of you all daily.
My own computer has "blown up" and I look in here when I have access to the internet. I have a new computer sitting here; I need to find the time/energy to set it up. Need to get more focused when I do have the time and energy.

You are each/all very courageous and have my love and my admiration.

I will be reading daily and will participate more as soon as I can do so.

LOVE TO ALL!

[Innerzone]

Wow, did I have a lot of catching up to do(!)
Great to see you, WildCoyote!!
And quite belated Happy Birthdays to Nammu and BirdDancer!!

I was sick with fever, chills and coughing for a few days (still not great, but dealing). Had to reschedule the job interview and missed a day of work. Did a lot of sleeping and water-drinking. And the conjunctivitus rages on. Good grief. It's now been 1 month, 2 doctor appointments and on the 3 different prescription eyedrops. Which are accomplishing exactly nothing. I want to just crawl under the covers and not come out. I am SO sick of it.

Waaaaahhh!!

[Unrigged64072835]

Whatever thing I had yesterday is gone, thank goodness. Just some residual sinusitis this morning. My poor husband didn’t sleep at all, though. My CPAP mask was making a noise and I was sound asleep so I didn’t hear it. He was bone tired today. Like dark circles under the eyes tired. Hopefully my mask will be fixed tonight.

I got a lot of stuff done today so that’s good.

Sorry I missed the birthdays, and hope you had good ones.

Love to all of you!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Mother’s Day was nice except my niece and daughter were in major snits all day. Lovely. She has moved all of her stuff from her on campus apartment in for the summer and we are a bit cramped here. Stressing me out a little bit.


She has also decided to give her pets away to good homes. Stressing me out a lot. I’ve grown attached to the pets (particularly the dog who has become a great comfort and support to me). Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t know.


Been on the go the past several days so I’m relaxing on the couch reading a few chapters of the five books I’m reading concurrently. One book builds on the other and so forth and so on.


Wish my mood was a little bit better. Kind of cranky. Working to get out of it. Got to protect those dendrites and that hippocampus!


Warm wishes to all.

If the dog has helped you maybe you could keep him ??? I can’t imagine my life without my spoiled dog.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Wow, did I have a lot of catching up to do(!)

Great to see you, WildCoyote!!

And quite belated Happy Birthdays to Nammu and BirdDancer!!


I was sick with fever, chills and coughing for a few days (still not great, but dealing). Had to reschedule the job interview and missed a day of work. Did a lot of sleeping and water-drinking. And the conjunctivitus rages on. Good grief. It's now been 1 month, 2 doctor appointments and on the 3 different prescription eyedrops. Which are accomplishing exactly nothing. I want to just crawl under the covers and not come out. I am SO sick of it.


Waaaaahhh!!

Ok walking Petri dish it’s time for this mess to clear up pronto !!!!

A month of conjunctivitis is 3 weeks and 6 days too long ! I know how awful that mess is.... had it last year second drops did the trick. 3 different ones and still no luck ???? Mutant type you must have going on.

Do something , anything kind for yourself !

[yellow_fleurs]

Today was a bit of a rough day getting to work and not even wanting to go in while near panicking, but I did and made it through the day. Then went to therapy. My therapist wants me to try EMDR and I said okay, hoping it will help with my anxiety.

So I have mentioned my Lyme disease history a couple of times, not sure if I mentioned it took 4 years to get diagnosed while it was implied it was just anxiety or not taken seriously (honestly, I probably did mention this as it is on my mind lately). I have been diagnosed in the past with reactive arthritis and have had a lot of joint issues, but now when my recent blood tests came back negative I think my therapist thinks (and likely my rheumatologist) that is psychological in origin. Not denying that things like depression affect pain and fatigue, but for a number of reasons I think I still have legitimate joint issues. It makes me feel a bit like showing up to court without a lawyer or evidence trying to make your case. Good luck with that! So, just makes me feel like I have no voice. I know my therapist validates my experience, but with my history of not being believed when sick it kind of matters to me that she actually believes me. Yet, it makes total logical sense why she and others wouldn't especially with the psych diagnoses. Just a difficult and emotional situation for me. Anyways, end rant.

Sending well wishes to everyone!

[gina_re]

Well that interview that I went to today wasn't what I expected at all. I had applied for a job at a staffing agency, not a job they posted, but a position within the agency itself. Well it turns out they were just doing open interviews for open positions they have. So I was a bit disappointed, but hopefully I can still get a job out of it.
I don't think I checked in over the weekend, but nothing happened anyway, I was in bed for all of it. But tomorrow I get to go to my sister's to help out with the kids while she goes for a doctor visit. So that's definitely something to look forward to.

[bpforever1]

I'm doing fine. I walked this morning then washed three loads of laundry. Life is good!

I have felt so revved up today that I almost thought I was on the verge of a heart attack. I just took some Ativan prn. That will help. I don't plan to do anything for dinner. We can microwave some leftover Stouffer's lasagna. We didn't like it because we're too spoiled with me making everything homemade. I think I have heartburn. I ate only crap today.

I saw my therapist and it was a bit crazy. What was nice was that later my psychiatrist called me. I apologized for the voicemail I left for him yesterday. I was...angry. But I did call a second time to tell him to ignore my first message. He asked me if I started the Latuda. I said the pharmacy had to order it for tomorrow, which is true, and that I would give it a fair shake.

[Innerzone]

You will never believe what I accomplished today! I went through my files and separated everything into recycling, shredding and keeping(!!) A tedious chore, but I pushed through. Pretty proud of myself for finally tackling that. (Now I just need to buy a shredder, lol). Also did some cleaning in the kitchen. Cleaned my room up too. Not feeling hypo or anything. The cooler rainy weather probably helped. Well, the coffee too.

The interview this morning went pretty well. Turns out it is a floating position over about a dozen shops. Not sure I really want that. Some are rather far-flung, especially taking transit. I'll still plug 'em in and see if it's do-able (I'm thinking it's not particularly feasible...)

Hugs to any who would like them.

[VerMOZZica]

I did a little cleaning and organizing as well today. I also did some laundry. Yesterday I went to my first therapy appointment ( with this therapist anyway). I`m not too sure about therapy as you see I`ve tried it before and didn`t find it particularly helpful . The other thing is that they want me to see her every week which I also find difficult as it`s hard for to get out of the house sometimes. I don`t know and again I`m not too sure.

I hope you all have a fantastic week. Hugs and good wishes to all that want them.

Today is at least sunny, unlike several previous days. It's still unseasonably chilly. I confess I went to Burger King for breakfast (ate junk) and then to the grocery store to pick up a few things.

I called my dad. He is home from the psych hospital. I hadn't visited him for several days and had only called him on my birthday, when he was still in the hospital. He said today that he didn't remember me calling him on my birthday. I guess I can understand that. He was heavily sedated. He says he is still very depressed, even now that he's home. I told him not to worry about anything (he was complaining about not finding things) and that he would benefit from going outside and sitting in his gazebo with a book or walking to his pond. Out of the blue he said "I'm not drinking!" I said I believed him and that it's important he not. I asked him if he is taking any medications the hospital prescribed. He said "yes" and I said that he should keep taking them and that they need time to work...be patient. I then asked when he is starting his IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). He said this Saturday. I don't know why he has to wait that long. My sister told me my brother will be taking him there and picking him up on the days that he goes.

After my phone call to my father, I called my sister who works from home on Mondays and Wednesdays. I told her the above and asked if she could ask my nephew to go visit him. She said she had already asked the same of him. Before I hung up with my sister, she said my nephew was on his way to my dad's house. I wish I was able to visit my father, but I'm not in a condition to do so. I'm glad that I will finally be able to pick up the Latuda, my psychiatrist prescribed, later this afternoon. I hope it helps. I hope to visit Dad, with my husband, this Sunday.

[pirilin]

From what I've read, everybody that posted in this page is up beat. GRRRRRRRRREAT!!!.
KEEP IT UP!!!!.

Cheers.

[Moose72]

I went to talk to N3's counselor at school this afternoon. The online school parent log in said he was failing a lot. (He's a senior ; there are only two weeks left!) The counselor said he has enough credits to graduate now even with maybe not passing. So long story short, I THINK he's actually going to pass (assuming he takes his exams). This has been so frustrating. He's so intelligent! Why does he do this??

My PC pals, I'm sorry I'm writing so much, but I am feeling progressively unwell again. I nearly had a breakdown at the pharmacy a little while ago. I can't even go into it again (I told my husband), but I couldn't think straight. It was as if the pharmacist was speaking some other language. She kept confusing me. I finally go to the point where I told her I didn't feel well and am having trouble understanding. Then I had to pay, and I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid credit card thingy to function. I was supposed to sign it, but I couldn't figure out how to get it to the signing screen. I had managed on that thing in the past. I finally just threw the pen-like thing and said "You have to get it so I can sign it! I can't do it!" so she did, and I managed the rest. The customer behind me was staring at me not just because of that but because of all the stuff I was saying before. I was getting so nervous and starting to rant. I got home and called my husband and told him and said that I just have to go bed. I am in bed and I don't want to leave. I told him I don't know if I can do anything more today. Too many things are coming at me and I feel like it's overload. An old friend contacted me. The French teacher contacted me. Verizon called three times. I discovered a message on the answering machine from my Dad from yesterday that I never even noticed. OMG! What if that had been his last call ever! I have this horrible nightmare that someone is trying to call me to reach out for help, but I never hear it until too late. It reminds me of this call on this TV movie from a man calling his family from the World Trade Center on 9-11 after the plane hit the building. His family wasn't home, so he was leaving a message on the answering machine in desperation. And then it cut off.

I decided to take the 20 mg of Latuda as soon as I got home, though I should take it either in the morning or evening. Who cares that I took it in the afternoon. I'll take it again tomorrow morning. The pill is so small that I could hardly see it. It's smaller than a baby aspirin. Though I'm glad not to have another big pill in my boxes, I sometimes have trouble with these smaller pills falling through my fingers onto the floor. It's really hard to have to get on your hands and knees and search for a teeny tiny pill on the rug under the table, where it's dark. I'm also always so scared that I'll never find it and my parrot will for some reason be on the floor and eat it.

Add on (an hour later):

I went downstairs to get a drink of water and noticed a cop car through my front door. I looked and there were three cop cars, an EMT, and an ambulance. You better believe I felt spooked. It appeared to be for our neighbor. Our houses are all attached. I got dressed and went out and asked a cop how long they'd be there. He said "Do you need to get out?" and I told him no, but that if he sees my husband's golden Subaru to immediately tell him its not me. That would scare the hell out of my husband, as such a scene has been here for me a couple of times ago. I tried to reach my husband by phone/cell phone, but couldn't get him at first. I finally did and warned him myself. He said that he was just leaving.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My PC pals, I'm sorry I'm writing so much, but I am feeling progressively unwell again.

BirdDancer...I’m sorry you are struggling so much and hope you feel better soon.