[Moose72]

Havent slept a wink and its 5 am here. Keep replaying "Office Space" infinitely...

[wildflowerchild25]

I woke up out of sorts. Probably from a dream I had. I was back in a math classroom but I was with my old principal, the one who fired me. I had all the same feelings I did last year. I wanted to SH in the dream but I didn’t. There were other things that happened like it was like I was back in school and I couldn’t find my locker and when I did find it I couldn’t figure out the combination so I was freaking out. It was an all around unpleasant dream.m

I also woke up freaked out about starting my master’s classes. I am worried I can’t do them. But that’s not really what I’m worried about. I’m worried there’s no point because I won’t be able to be a teacher anyway. I’m worried that I’m going through all this for nothing. I mean even when I was at my old school for four years every year I went out on extended leave because of depression and/or mania. And the first year I’m stable and teaching I get fired anyway. I just don’t know if I can do it. But I can’t make 21000 a year for the rest of my life. RS and I want to buy a house eventually. How can we save for a house if I’m barely making enough for myself?

I don’t know. I’m just worried. I guess I shouldn’t worry so much about what COULD be in the future.

I did lose two pounds so that brightened my day lol.

[downandlonely]

Sorry you're so worried @wildflowerchild25

[lightly toasted]

Weekends are tough. To make things worse, my poor kitty was sick this morning. I think it was just a case of she bolted her food, and there was a bit of a hair in the sick-up too. So before I could have a glass of water or a cup of tea, I was down on the floor scrubbing kitty barf out of the carpet. Because cat's will always choose carpet. I'm okay with all that, I was more worried about her. Poor girl. I got everything cleaned up, and cleaned and changed her litter pans, then I opened the bedroom window, so she could sit on her tree and enjoy some fresh air, which she did.

She came out the living room an hour later, she wanted a bit of a cuddle, and looked a bit more bright eyed, so I think she'll be okay. She's gone in the bedroom closet for a deep nap now. But my poor little heart is still fluttering, and my stomach's still feeling a bit anxiety butterfly-ish. Nothing sends me into an internal panic like worrying my cat is not okay. It gave me the motivation to book her in for a check up with the Vet for next week, she's overdue.

I did manage to get a fair bit of laundry done yesterday, got that old arm chair cleaned up and found a home for it in the bedroom. I wanted to do a lot more, but I just ran out of steam. Today I just feel spent, and it's not even 10 am.

Hugs to all

[Moose72]

Not sleeping well still. Got maintenance coming today to fix our ceiling where the toilet seal leaking through from upstairs. They said they'd call before they came- I THINK. My memory isn't always that great on meds.

I woke up at about 5 am this morning feeling very well. Unlike usual Saturdays, I prepared breakfast early at 6:30 am. Luckily my hubby didn't mind. Then after a bit of cuddling, I took a long and thorough shower and did lots of other beauty-related self care in preparation for my 30th high school reunion today. I have to say that my new dress is very pretty and spring-like. It's mainly blue with colorful flowers and a lovely cut. I also wore a pretty new pinkish color cardigan, since the dress is sleeveless. That was good to have, since it was raining for much of the morning. I got there at about 10 am, after a 50 min drive. To my joy, one of my better old high school friends showed up soon after. I spent most of the event with him. He was almost a bit of a comfort. He is one of the few high school friends I have kept in touch with over the years. He knows my full story.

The school is amazing! It's a private school in a bucolic area. They have made wonderful upgrades to the buildings and even built a number of new ones. It's a boarding school, though I was always a day student since I lived nearby. Two identical twin girl students gave me a private tour. They were charming! I asked them lots of questions, shared about the differences between now and when I attended, and told some funny stories. They both had lovely smiles, which showed both have big gaps between their front teeth. Having a gap between my front teeth, too, I gleefully announced "We're three gap-toothed girls!" They laughed. What was also cool was that when we entered a particular lounge, the school had a TV on with slides showing of old photos. One of the teachers I told them about popped up, so I exclaimed "There's Uncle Brucie!" They looked, and then...Can you believe that MY picture popped up?!?! I was like "OMG! That's me!" How funny and coincidental! The girls liked that. I was only 17 years old at the time.

There were about six people from my class there, but apparently a total of 10 had participated in the weekend events. My class size was only 25, so that's sort of a lot. The night before, the school had arranged a silent auction/dance and dinner party at a local fancy establishment in my childhood hometown. I would have liked the dancing, but I was not willing to pay the required $100 and be around a lot of people drinking. I can't drink much at all anymore. Plus, I would definitely not want to drive home late at night after such a shindig. Tonight there is supposed to be a cocktail party at another lovely place. The alumni director was urging me to go, but again, it's too late and too much drinking, and would have been too long of a day for me. I had seen everyone and everything I needed between 10 and 3 o'clock.

I was happy I saw at least one of my teachers from the past. I wondered if she would remember me. She did. She was sweet, and her eyes lit up when she saw me. She said "You look exactly the same as I remember!" I thanked her. I sort of did look about the youngest of us all. I am chunkier nowadays, but luckily my dress made me look thinner than I am. Obviously, I do have to dye my hair, but I don't have any wrinkles, except one I hide strategically with my bangs. She told me what she was up to. She said she has written over 30 children's books, and some plays. Yes, she was an English teacher. I told her that I was in two of her classes, but remember dropping out of her Creative Writing class. I told her that when I started the class and attempted the first assignment, I was at a total loss for what to write, and panicked. I was such a perfectionist back then, with huge expectations for myself. Creative writing had not been my forte. I was a dancer, and expressed myself creatively that way. But I announced that after 25 years, I found my creative voice. On my blog, I have written numerous prose poems, several stories, and creative reflections. There, I have described the dance and music that I now make with my fingers racing on my keyboard.

I doubt that I will ever go to another high school reunion. Three years from now, my husband and I may be living in Europe. I had never been to a reunion before today. It was a lovely journey through the past, and helped me understand better where I am now. My only sad moment was when I discovered my favorite tree on campus, a weeping willow, standing but almost dead. That picture of me that popped up on the TV, while with the twin gap-toothed girls, was of me sitting below that tree. It's indeed the end of an older era, but the beginning of a new one.

Way to go BirdDancer! You did it! Glad you had such a nice day. I can't imagine going to a reunion so i really admire you. Good for you!

[bizi]

any one know about people who are following the non dualism training. I think it is a cult????
bizi

[Victoria'smom]

Miguel’s gone, he’ll be back in Aug. He failed 2 of 3 of his classes. He took the SAT and doesn’t feel well about it. Hopefully this summer away will help. I broke down crying this morning. I explained to my husband that I don’t know which hurts more Miguel wanting

Possible trigger:

me dead and hate me

or my husband wanting that. It hurts I don’t believe him and there’s nothing he can do about it. I haven’t been sleeping well lately.

[Sunflower123]

Calm, productive day today. I’m almost done with my bedroom and I’ll start sleeping in there in the next night or two. No more getting up at 2-5 am for the dog. That will be so nice and probably help my energy levels tremendously. I have a diffuser to diffuse lavender oil and a medium sized fountain to go to sleep to. Both were gifts. I can’t wait!

Watching the Kentucky Derby with mom. I’m not much of a drinker but the mint juleps they are showing how to make look interesting. The horses are gorgeous and I love looking at the couture and fascinators.

My daughter’s birthday is the 6th, mine is the 10th and then Mom’s is the 15th so we have a big Mother’s celebration to celebrate all 4 events. In years past, I have been sad about my birthday and not wanted to celebrate but this year is different. I am looking forward to it thanks to my therapist. Working on special plans for Friday.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[yellow_fleurs]

Miguel'smom I am sorry you are feeling like that. Is there something making you think that that is how Miguel and your husband feel? I am sure they do not want that, even if things are difficult between you. Please stay safe.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Miguel’s gone, he’ll be back in Aug. He failed 2 of 3 of his classes. He took the SAT and doesn’t feel well about it. Hopefully this summer away will help. I broke down crying this morning. I explained to my husband that I don’t know which hurts more Miguel wanting

Possible trigger:

me dead and hate me

or my husband wanting that. It hurts I don’t believe him and there’s nothing he can do about it. I haven’t been sleeping well lately.

Things may be difficult and strained and sometimes people say things while stressed. I believe they both love and need you very much. They may just be caught up in their own difficulties. Sending big hugs. Please stay safe.

[bpforever1]

I'm doing great. I walked for two hours then ate two pieces of chocolate. Oh well. I think I consumed the calories I lost by walking. I feel fine though. I am waiting for dinner. Chicken drumsticks! I am happy.

[VerMOZZica]

Woke up at about noon today and didn`t get out of bed until about one in the afternoon then ate something took my meds and went back to bed. I didn`t leave the house at all today. Although I suppose that`s like most days anyway. I don`t like to leave the house much. I just feel especially lonely and sad today.

[gina_re]

Today was a little better because I left the house. I went to one of my Buddhist gatherings, so that was uplifting and encouraging. But the day started out as it normally does...I woke up super late, took my morning meds and then went back to sleep. I didn't actually get up until 1p.m. After wasting time scrolling through social media I was ready to go back to sleep, but I forced myself to take a shower so I could go out. Baby steps.

[Innerzone]

Originally Posted by VerMOZZica

Woke up at about noon today and didn`t get out of bed until about one in the afternoon then ate something took my meds and went back to bed. I didn`t leave the house at all today. Although I suppose that`s like most days anyway. I don`t like to leave the house much. I just feel especially lonely and sad today.

Extra hugs! VerMOZZica Hope these feelings pass soon for you.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello all, I hope everyone is doing well. I had a pretty good start to my weekend. I got to sleep in until about 9am and then went and got my hair colored again so it's vibrant for graduation. I still need to get my nails done but I figure R and I will go sometime after work this coming week.

I also organized my section of the closet and his section of the closet. I also went through some of my makeup and skincare as well. I also planted some flowers and plants for the summer. I love fresh herbs and tomatoes out of the garden. I never plant a huge garden but enough to make fresh sauce and other things.

So I had a decently productive Saturday; and tomorrow is Sunday School and Church.

Hugs to everyone

[Moose72]

Got pulled over on the way home from getting n3 from work tonight. Officer was nice. I had all my paperwork etc with me and up to date and legal . He said my headlight was out and gave me a warning. He seemed very nice. But when I got home, N3 looked at the lights and they were both on?? Maybe there's a loose wire or the bulb is starting to go bad?? Hmmm....

[Victoria'smom]

Is there something making you think that that is how Miguel and your husband feel?

It's just my paranoia and I just can't shake it. I'm not going to hurt myself. Even if they do believe that they'd be better off it'll effect their quality of life if I did anything. It would screw their whole life up. If the feeling gets too strong I'll take an AP for a little. I'm fully logical otherwise. I just need sleep.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hmmm, don’t know where my post went...

Anyway, still down and not sleeping well. Lots of strange dreams. Trying to be busy but just not happening.

8th wedding anniversary is Tuesday. We’ll be out then have dinner. Have lab check next week. Otherwise it’s quiet.

Just tired but not sleepy enough. Blergh.

Love to all of you.