[Nevvy]

Okay, so today I am feeling a bit more optimistic about my future.

My appointment yesterday with my social worker was very productive, we dissected my job situation and why I need to break a vicious circle in order to actually move forward and save myself from spiraling. She is specialized in working with people with BP (I have a team of specialists) so she was a huge help. I need to see my nurse to talk about things in detail/to actually work on this, but one of the problems has been more or less identified (but these problems have been haunting me for awhile, and I cant shake them).

Also, we talked about how to get me to work again/opportunities, and it seems there's a sort of....internship/training that's available for exceptionally gifted people and those with autism, that can't work due to reasons, and have my indication. I fall under exceptionally gifted, so I could get into this, so we are going to talk next week about how to move forward with this. My concern is, yes, I fall under that category....but, I also have that baggage of having BP2, so can I do this? Do I actually have it in me with that extra package + chain of diagnoses that go with it? I tend to hang on the negative of something positive, so maybe it won't be so bad...I just don't want to fail again, like I tend to do....all the time.

"There's a fine line between genius and madness"? I never use my gifted thing (what I find as something that means little, so I never talk about it) because I never feel special...in any way. Why should I even qualify? I know there's a link between those with BP and being gifted, because our curse is also a blessing....sometimes....

It makes some sense after writing this I suppose...I am still concerned though...oh well, I'll see where this goes.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

BirdDancer.... we had someone get a hold of our credit card last year, we suspect it was a skimmer at a gas station last year on a trip to Florida. . It’s such a pain to contact them and file the claim then wait for a new card. Have you and your husband decided on what to do for your mini vacation?

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, too, Christina. Especially in the middle of a trip/vacation. I know those skimmers are growing into a bigger and bigger problem. Our card has a chip in it. I thought that would be more of a protection. We live in NJ. The only people who actually touch our card are gas station attendants. NJ has full service gas stations only. Otherwise, only online vendors see our whole number and CV number.

Christina, I hope your joint pain has eased by now.

I feel well today and plan to just do chores, garden watering, making homemade pizza for dinner, and whatever else I come up with. We've been planning a long weekend for July 4 so steps forward will have to wait a bit.

My neighbor moved and has her house up for sale. Since then real estate people are calling us offering to tell us not only our home's value, but what WE should maybe update/upgrade to increase our house's value. I find that to be extremely obnoxious on a couple levels. Our house and grounds look better than the neighbor's in most all ways (with newer appliances, flooring, aircon unit, and more) other than the windows and sliding glass door. Maybe one will offer to gift us the new windows themselves. Yea, right! We're not planning on moving for a while. Our windows aren't that bad. We have higher priorities. They see one listing on the road and always try to get more, probably to create competition amongst each other. Our house is basically the mirror opposite of our neighbor's house

[Victoria'smom]

Are you taking your AP as prescribed? What do you have to use as a PRN?

I am taking my AP as prescribed. I have no PRNs. I have no recourse but to wait it out.

[wildflowerchild25]

I just had another horrible, triggering dream.

Possible trigger:

I went to the ER for a headache but decided I didn’t need to be there. Once back in my car I found a pair of sharp scissors and for whatever reason decided to use them against myself. I cut myself badly and had to go back into the ER. They said they don’t handle behavior health and that I would have to go to the crisis Er which was 20 minutes away. I couldn’t make it there without losing a lot of blood so I told them that and the registration person came out and looked at my wound and checked me in. They brought me back right away and set me up to get stitches. I freaked out knowing that I would be hospitalized and I hadn’t put the rent check in yet. I couldn’t call RS to let him know. My grandma was there for some reason and she looked so upset and depressed I thought she was going to collapse on the floor. My foot was tingling because I had done nerve damage. I was so upset. I woke up just as they were going to put stitches in.

Omg that dream was terrible! I just wish RS weren’t at work so I could have him hold me for awhile. I am so freaked out. The first thought I had upon waking was thank god I didn’t really do that and I am safe at home. Then the second thought was damn I really want to do that. Not go to the hospital but harm myself. I have to get out of here. If I stay here I’m going to do it.

Oh man I wish I would stop having these nightmares

[Innerzone]

Oh, wildflowerchild, I so hope these dreams stop for you!!!!!

[Innerzone]

I cleaned my room! (Right down to dusting! ) It was getting rather out of control. Currently I'm on my way to see T. Things have been going so well I almost feel guilty for taking the slot. (Though we could always talk about my BDD. Sigh.) I so love my living situation, work's going great, very stable, yanno? I feel like I thought of something to work through, but, of course, fprgot what it was.

Many hugs to those struggling.

[yellow_fleurs]

Had a nice therapy session. My therapist told me again that a lot of my obsessive thoughts sound very much like OCD to her. She said if I wanted I could get a psychological evaluation for diagnoses, but not sure if I want to or not, although I do want to better understand my brain. I am okay without a specific label as long as I understand the process if that makes sense.
She said she doesn't think I have bipolar disorder from what she can see. So, perhaps I am posting on the wrong board here haha.
She also said she really recognizes how hard I struggle and admires me for how hard I try. That made me feel good, as I am working hard on myself and am really struggling sometimes.

Work went well today, got help on a project I was stressed about and now have some direction and feel like phew! I can handle this now. About to eat some pizza, yum! I ate healthy for lunch and just want something tasty right now. Looking forward to the weekend, and my SO visiting next week. This apartment of mine needs a deep scrub, too!

[Daonnachd]

I just applied for a new job. I'm very nervous about it. I'm also frightened of the change going from part time to full time work.

[sadveiledbride]

Feeling very sad and ****** about myself.

[Blueberrybook]

I saw the rheumatologist today, got bloodwork for the iron stuff. Curious to see the numbers after the infusion, but the results likely won’t be in until Monday. They took 4 vials from me, and I’m exhausted. The rheumatologist had me on the table, feeling trigger points, moving arms, etc. then asked if I’d always been hyper mobile when she got to my hands, and I told her, yes, since I was a child. Apparently, that tends to make fibromyalgia flares/joint pain worse along with carpal tunnel (which I have but hasn’t been horrible in many years, except when my iron got low). So it’s not good to be too thin for a lot of the GI/liver stuff, and being extra flexible/mobile worsens fibromyalgia. You just can’t win.

My daughter had a small ceremony for the end of her STEM robotics camp today. We got Starbucks afterwards as it’s on the way home. My daughter pretty much is addicted to the nonfat mocha Frappuccinos with whip, ever since she snuck a sip from my straw as a toddler. It’s only a sometimes treat though, once every 3 months or so. Though, sigh, yes I give my 11 year old Starbucks, bad mothering example.

[Innerzone]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just applied for a new job. I'm very nervous about it. I'm also frightened of the change going from part time to full time work.

Best of luck, Daonnachd!!!!! It's natural to feel nervous about it -- I know I did(!) And I hear you on the full time. This is the first full time, year round job I've had and I'm 56 (yikes...)(!) I have confidence in you. What sort of work is it? (Only if you want to share of course.)

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Best of luck, Daonnachd!!!!! It's natural to feel nervous about it -- I know I did(!) And I hear you on the full time. This is the first full time, year round job I've had and I'm 56 (yikes...)(!) I have confidence in you. What sort of work is it? (Only if you want to share of course.)

It'd be working in a hospital cafeteria. I don't yet know what shift they'd want me. It could be very early mornings or it could be evenings. I'm not sure which I'd prefer.
Thank you for the encouragement.

[downandlonely]

Good luck in the new job @Daonnachd

[Phoenix_1]

I just spent a week at my daughter's and I didn't get hypomanic while there. They're rich and the culture shock and the way they spend money usually does me in. I live in government housing on a government pension. I go up there once a year in May or June, and I got home Monday. This is the first time I came home from her house healthy so the meds must be working at last. Saw my doctor today and everything is as ok as it gets. Progress at last.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Phoenix_1

I just spent a week at my daughter's and I didn't get hypomanic while there. They're rich and the culture shock and the way they spend money usually does me in. I live in government housing on a government pension. I go up there once a year in May or June, and I got home Monday. This is the first time I came home from her house healthy so the meds must be working at last. Saw my doctor today and everything is as ok as it gets. Progress at last.

That's such good news. Did you have fun while at your daughter's?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I cleaned my room! (Right down to dusting! ) It was getting rather out of control. Currently I'm on my way to see T. Things have been going so well I almost feel guilty for taking the slot. (Though we could always talk about my BDD. Sigh.) I so love my living situation, work's going great, very stable, yanno? I feel like I thought of something to work through, but, of course, fprgot what it was.

Many hugs to those struggling.

I’m so glad things are going well for you. You deserve it.

[Sunflower123]

Had a low energy...low motivation day. I knew I would feel incredible if I could just make it to the pool but couldn’t get off the couch. The weather was perfect. 92F and sunny. Oh well, it will be sunny the rest of the week. I vow to float every day that is not raining until the end of the summer.

Saying goodbye to Benji tomorrow so I’ve planned a busy day for distraction.

M goes back to college in less then three weeks. What fun we’ve had this summer! She wants to do some school sponsored traveling and internships on future breaks (even study abroad) and I want her to take flight so I’ll have some adjusting to do. I cherish the memories of this summer.

Going to see my NP July 2nd and I have some hard questions to ask. Are we trying for some semblance of recovery and improvement or just maintenance? Maybe I’m fooling myself and we’re aiming for maintenance only. I think I need a new med combo. I’m too unstable.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

..... I think I need a new med combo. I’m too unstable.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

You have a lot to talk about.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Starving2death]

I've just recently realized that I am manic on many occasions. It has led to my financial difficulties.

I have suicidal ideation as a direct result of mania.