[GoldenSnitch]

I got discharged from IP yesterday. I was not ready to leave and cried. I wasn’t even home 15 minutes and I had a panic attack. I had many many issues with the hospital this go around but it made me feel safe from myself so I was good to be there. I did meet a great group of people that I’m staying in touch with though. We helped each other more than any of the staff helped us.

I'm sorry that I fell behind reading this thread, vut have caught up a bit.

Christina, thanks for asking about my therapy. I told my therapist about my bird boy. In the end, she was neither help nor harm with that grief. She did help with one issue I've been having

Tuscon, I fully understand the pain of losing a mother. It is something that never really leaves you, but living day by day and enjoying them with what's in the now, helps.

Blue_Bird, I know how torturous akathisia can be. I hope the Klonopin continues to help. Have you talked to your doctor about other akathisia relieving meds?

Wander, I hope the med adjustments help ease your worsening episode.

Wild Coyote, I hope your pain is easing.

Golden Snitch, will you be attending an IOP or PHP? If not, I hope you see your outside psychiatrist and therapist soon.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry for your loss Tecomsin. Even when parents aren’t good people, it’s still eerie when they are gone.

[sadveiledbride]

I only just woke up and am still tired. Not much is happening today. I am a bit down and feeling guilty.

[hopeless2015]

Popping in with hugs

Off work until Monday yeah!!

Hubby and I will be taking a mini vacation to Massachusetts this long weekend. It had been planned even before we knew of our pet parrot's impending death. I guess it's good to leave the house for a while, so as not to feel the brunt of the loss. But I am still grieving a lot. Hours go by when I'm fine, but the grief comes in waves. This would all be slightly different if he was an old bird, but being a young bird we can't help but feel we did something wrong. And yet one can't protect others from unknown risks. We have had pet parrots for over 17 years, with no similar incident. We can't for a million years know how/where he was poisoned with lead. We almost fear his cage itself might have been the culprit, but it is an expensive nice cage. Would they really hard glaze the thing with lead paint? Or was it him chewing on the trim around the closet? But didn't they outlaw lead paint years before our house was even built. We just don't know, but adopting a new bird with these scared sad feelings is not an option.

[Wild Coyote]

I used to LOVE July 3rd and 4th.
I lost my closest brother on July 3rd.
My wedding anniversary is on the 4th.
Oh joy!!! Not!!!

I'll have to find ways to distract myself, especially tomorrow. Lots going on. Hoping to PUSH myself into attending some of the festivities, if can do so.

Happy 4th!
Love to all!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I used to LOVE July 3rd and 4th.
I lost my closest brother on July 3rd.
My wedding anniversary is on the 4th.
Oh joy!!! Not!!!

I'll have to find ways to distract myself, especially tomorrow. Lots going on. Hoping to PUSH myself into attending some of the festivities, if can do so.

Happy 4th!
Love to all!

I am so sorry. The hits just keep coming. Know that i am thinking of you and sending many hugs and supportive vibes. Hopefully you will be able to attend some of the festivities. It’s understandable if you can’t. I’m just so sorry. Words fail me. I am here for you though as are we all.

[Sunflower123]

We had a nice time at the July fourth celebration tonight. We walked out onto the pedestrian bridge over the river and set up half way across where we could hear the symphony and see the fireworks without being squashed like bugs in the writhing masses on land. Got in and out quickly as well.

Tomorrow I’m going to a cookout at the community pool.two doors down. Will probably float early (around 8-9) as it will get rowdy when the kids show up. Spending a low key fourth.

Oh, I signed on with a life coach through an app that my NP recommended. Much of the app is free and it helps with calming down, mindfulness, reframing thoughts, CBT etc. I’ve found it to be helpful. I hope to reach some goals with the help of the life coach. We’ll see.

Sending big hugs to those that are struggling

[Wander]

Day one of my pdoc guided treatment to bring down my anxiety and stay out of hospital. Last night was bad. Nothing I took (Seroquel or Lorazepam) calmed me down but I did manage to fall asleep eventually. This morning I woke feeling exhausted beyond words (as I have the last week), but I could not sleep in. I had to do stuff as I was restless. The anxiety was ok but it has grown since (it is now 11.30am). I took 50 mg of Seroquel nearly two hours ago. It has helped stop the spiralling feeling.

It is raining so I am taking the opportunity to put no pressure on myself to do anything. This down day should help. I intend to stay drugged up and float around my flat. Earlier today I was going to tell my pdoc I wasn't coping and thus not safe and needing IP. Now I feel it may be possible to avoid that. Hospital traumatised me and I now have even more severe PTSD. Going back there would be triggering. If I get worse I am in a bind as I want to live so will need that extra protection but in doing so I could make myself worse. This makes me feel trapped right now. So I try to hold on to my sanity. I am so confused.

[sadveiledbride]

Happy 4th of July. I feel like **** tonight. Very sad and I just want to sleep forever.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

Happy 4th of July. I feel like **** tonight. Very sad and I just want to sleep forever.

I’m sorry you are struggling so. You may have already been asked this question: do you see a pdoc on a regular basis or a tdoc? Sending many hugs.

[sadveiledbride]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m sorry you are struggling so. You may have already been asked this question: do you see a pdoc on a regular basis or a tdoc? Sending many hugs.

Yeah, I do. Both are helping a bit. But the sad nights creep up on me sometimes.

[~Christina]

Saw my T today and it helped ease the torment some. But shorty after it was building up again. But my T and his office is a comfort for me.

Then had to grocery shop and that is just hell for me and Hellmart only had 2 freaking registers open .. like freaking really ?? the night before a holiday ????

I really wanted to talk to the manager about it and say you only scheduled 2 people ONLY 2 ??? Why don’t YOU open a register ??? But I’m too rage-y to keep myself from exploding and throwing every bit of food on the floor and walk out!

I use the Ibotta AP to get money back on products that I would normally buy anyway. In about 8 months I have cashed in for 2 .... 35.00 gift cards for a couple restaurants. We seldom ever have money to go out eat so it’s a nice treat.

I save so much money planning ahead. It’s really turned into a game for me to find anyway to save a buck a quarter or a nickel.

I have planned out my meals so that I’m good to go for at least 7-8 weeks. It’s just my husband and I. I will be making 5lbs of meatballs probably over the weekend, I’ll bag them in portions and won’t have to make any for 2-3 months.

I’ll need bread and some veggies weekly but I get those from the Amish.

So it was a long day for me.

Hugs and free cookies

[Blue_Bird]

Stopped the seroquel and agitation ceased, only got 1 hour of sleep, I'm sure my sleep will be screwed up for awhile but it should hopefully get back to normal after I adjust

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Saw my T today and it helped ease the torment some. But shorty after it was building up again. But my T and his office is a comfort for me.

Then had to grocery shop and that is just hell for me and Hellmart only had 2 freaking registers open .. like freaking really ?? the night before a holiday ????

I really wanted to talk to the manager about it and say you only scheduled 2 people ONLY 2 ??? Why don’t YOU open a register ??? But I’m too rage-y to keep myself from exploding and throwing every bit of food on the floor and walk out!

I use the Ibotta AP to get money back on products that I would normally buy anyway. In about 8 months I have cashed in for 2 .... 35.00 gift cards for a couple restaurants. We seldom ever have money to go out eat so it’s a nice treat.

I save so much money planning ahead. It’s really turned into a game for me to find anyway to save a buck a quarter or a nickel.

I have planned out my meals so that I’m good to go for at least 7-8 weeks. It’s just my husband and I. I will be making 5lbs of meatballs probably over the weekend, I’ll bag them in portions and won’t have to make any for 2-3 months.

I’ll need bread and some veggies weekly but I get those from the Amish.

So it was a long day for me.

Hugs and free cookies

So glad you have seen your tdoc and so glad he is extremely helpful.

The Ibota App sounds interesting!

Do you have a good meatball recipe?
Sounds like planning meals helps a lot! I used to do more of it, but have gotten out of practice.
I hope the trauma subsides and you have a good day!

[fern46]

Happy 4th of July. I hope everyone can find even a small way to enjoy the holiday. My husband has today and tomorrow off work and decided we should take on a project at home. We are replacing the floorboards and trim in a couple of rooms. This isn't my favorite project we have selected, but I'm prepared to do the work. I like cutting things with the saw, so at least there's that.

We also plan to do fireworks tonight with my children. One of them loves it and the other hates the noise, so I stay inside with him and we watch out the window together. I enjoy the lights and avoid the mosquitoes. Win win.

Hugs to all who want or need one.

[Victoria'smom]

I had... home made pizza last night. See pizza is my favorite but I'm not suppose to eat it. We made it with fat free mozzarella and 2% 3 cheese blend and it wasn't greasy. I had 2 big slices. I usually only eat 1 slice of pizza.

I've asked every day to play my new games and it's always hold on and never got to. Then he complains I don't want to go out. No that costs money and we don't have money. He refuses to see how poor we really are. I'm trying to save money and he's trying to spend it all in the first two weeks. It's really frustrating. I want to have money to get a $13 sandwich for my birthday. We wont be able to do that if we spend all the money. Of course I just sit with all of this because I don't talk. I don't have the energy to talk or fight but I'm starting to feel invisible. Like I should just hand all the money to him and say fine you handle everything but important things will go unpaid. We'll have nothing in the fridge and I'll resort to making dog food for our dog again this month.

On top of all that I worry about Miguel taking the plane home by himself at the end of the month. I'm just a mess.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Saw my T today and it helped ease the torment some. But shorty after it was building up again. But my T and his office is a comfort for me.

Then had to grocery shop and that is just hell for me and Hellmart only had 2 freaking registers open .. like freaking really ?? the night before a holiday ????

I really wanted to talk to the manager about it and say you only scheduled 2 people ONLY 2 ??? Why don’t YOU open a register ??? But I’m too rage-y to keep myself from exploding and throwing every bit of food on the floor and walk out!

I use the Ibotta AP to get money back on products that I would normally buy anyway. In about 8 months I have cashed in for 2 .... 35.00 gift cards for a couple restaurants. We seldom ever have money to go out eat so it’s a nice treat.

I save so much money planning ahead. It’s really turned into a game for me to find anyway to save a buck a quarter or a nickel.

I have planned out my meals so that I’m good to go for at least 7-8 weeks. It’s just my husband and I. I will be making 5lbs of meatballs probably over the weekend, I’ll bag them in portions and won’t have to make any for 2-3 months.

I’ll need bread and some veggies weekly but I get those from the Amish.

So it was a long day for me.

Hugs and free cookies

If it makes you feel any better, one time I walked into Target at like 9:30am on a Wednesday (they open at 8 here) and I saw about 5 employees standing around the registers talking about their favorite movies. I didn’t see anyone else shopping in the store. I wanted to check out and they said, “sorry, but you’ll have to use the self checkout.” But I had a giant laundry basket and the self checkout scanner wouldn’t scan it. They told me to keep trying “because the scanner is finnicky sometimes.” Eventually, I just ripped the sticker off and scanned that. Then they yelled at me for taking the sticker off! Thanks for nothing.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

That's such good news. Did you have fun while at your daughter's?

Yes, I had a lot of fun. On Saturday, both of my grandsons were in Motocross and they won trophies for 2nd and 3rd. I got to visit with people I haven't seen for a year. I had a good time and I was sorry when it was all over. I came back to my full little apartment and my full life.