[Cookie22]

Hi. I’ve been reading everyone’s posts for some time and have just now joined. I have been dating a man for a few months now who treats me like a queen. However I am finding that I feel smothered. I felt this way in a previous relationship, but not before that. He’s talking about moving in when my lease expires near the end of this year. He lives about 45 min away. Part of me wants to. The other part says wait a little while. I’ve know his family since 2013.

Before I got my apt, I took care of a man who has macular degeneration and is legally blind for 5 years. At the end he became rude and ugly.

Since I’ve gotten older ive tended to close myself off from people. I don’t understand that either. I have a shih tzu and she is my baby. I have grandkids, but it’s hard to see them with all of their activities.

I’ve only been diagnosed with bipolar since about 2016 and am middle aged.

Has anyone else had these feelings of being smothered? I just don’t understand it. I mentioned it to my therapist and will continue to talk about it after we do paperwork.

I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced this. It’s raising my anxiety levels.

Thank you!

[lightly toasted]

Welcome, Cookie

I've had a couple of relationships with abusive and controlling men, and if my memory serves me correctly they started off hyper-attentive. I believe it's called love bombing. I'm not saying that's what's going on for you, but maybe some red-flags are coming up for you because this is a movie you've seen before.

But mostly I attract emotionally unavailable men, the sort who ignore me, take me for granted, expect me to do everything and occasionally put me down. Usually live a double life, tell me lots of lies, and enjoy being fussed over by me. Yeah, I suck and picking men. Or rather they pick me, and I ignore the red flags because what they offer is so much like my family of origin. So really, I am the worst person to give advice on relationships.

I can relate to the isolating though, it's part of the illness, or the less-than feeling that comes from comparing oneself to people who don't have bipolar disorder.

Anyway, enough rambling from me...I'm glad you're here, keep posting

[yellow_fleurs]

Cookie, welcome! Do you feel that you are getting enough space and time for yourself and do you set healthy boundaries? I have felt this before when spending too much time with someone and not having my own separate activities and friendships. It could also be something about the other person that is causing that. I decided to continue to do my own thing and set boundaries, not letting someone dictate what I do and telling them if I need space. I now feel much less smothered, and I think my relationship is healthier. Not saying this is the case for you, I just thought of it since you took care of that other man and maybe you end up in a caretaking role, or some other dynamic that leaves you feeling smothered.