I hate that question. What do they mean by "okay?" And how do you answer when, whatever they mean, you know you're not?

I think when people ask this, they mean something more along the lines of " are you feeling good like I am.?"

anything less than a " yes" is like an insult to them

the concept of " not being okay" is something that some people can't get their head around

I always say "no", because I've always said.. i'm not going to say I'm okay if i'm not. if people don't like it, they're just going to have to deal with it.. that's how it is.

I also hate " how are you?"

more like, " are you happy?."

they don't care how you are.. if they did, when you said you were feeling depressed they would take the conversation further

[fern46]

I just try to be honest. Sometimes people probably wish they hadn't asked but they learn and know what to expect the next time. I usually don't hold back. I am the friend that will straight up tell you if you ask me and your butt does look big in the outfit you're wearing. I try to warn people by asking if they really want an honest answer first.

[sarahsweets]

I try not to ask that if I am really not trying to find out if someone is ok. I may say "how you doing" in a polite situation but if I ask someone about being ok I really want to know. Same thing if someone asks me. If I am not ok and they are someone I would normally share my feelings with I would tell them, but I get "how are you? and How you doing" a lot as a nicety.

There's always "I could be better" unless you truly believe the person wants to know more and help you.

[still_crazy]

i dunno. i just smile and say I'm doing pretty well, thanks. not too enthusiastic, not too personal. i dunno. its the best i can come up with, honestly.

with family and close friends, its different, of course...

[Moose72]

One Sunday after church, the priest was saying hello to people as they left out the front door. I. was going another direction but he saw me and said "How have you been? I haven't seen you in quite a while". I had no real excuse for missing so much church- I'm in the choir too. So I bluted out "I've been having a hard time with my bipolar disorder". That shut him up. I absolutelt HATE when I say something like that and FRIENDS go "Awwwww...." as oif I were a little kid who'd lost their favorite toy. I've often toyed with the idea of replying to ignorant comments with "I've been okay . (Lie).

Possible trigger:

Then, "I just got out of the psych hospital because I took 30 Benedryl at once."

That should keep them from asking again!

But what does it mean to be okay or not okay? How do *I* tell if I'm okay so I can give close friends/family/treatment team an accurate answer?

[scatterbrained04]

I don't have a good answer. Sometimes I don't even know if I'm ok. Or I think sometimes I think I'm ok when I'm really not. Mostly I just walk around trying to tell myself I'm ok. Yeah, I don't know what people mean by it. What is classified as 'ok'? I, too, would like an answer.

I don't think I've ever said I'm not ok, but people have looked at me and said I'm not. I think in the back of my mind, I classify being ok with how suicidal I am. Probably not a good approach.

[GoldenSnitch]

I usually just say I’m fine. Even though I’m not. I don’t know how to answer that question and not scare people away.

something else I sometimes say is... oh, same as any other day

Originally Posted by spikes

But what does it mean to be okay or not okay? How do *I* tell if I'm okay so I can give close friends/family/treatment team an accurate answer?

I guess it means diffrent things to diffrent people.
the way I look at it is

have I had a good day, is their anything bothering me or making me anxious?. am I suicidal. have I actually accomplished anything today, am I currently where I want to be, etc.

but it's diffrent for others

say: someone's dog goes missing, and then later that person finds it

then that person might be okay simply for having the dog back. it might not necessarily have anything to do with how the rest of their day is going

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by still_crazy

i dunno. i just smile and say I'm doing pretty well, thanks. not too enthusiastic, not too personal. i dunno. its the best i can come up with, honestly.

with family and close friends, its different, of course...

it's exactly what I do. feel the same way.

[Jedi67]

when asked I try to gauge the person's emotion behind it. it's usually a different answer depending on how's it's asked, I suppose. if it's just some formal and impersonal "are you ok?" I may just say: I'm good, thanks. but if it's a friend or family member who knows my deal, then of course I answer truthfully. on the other hand, I don't wish to be rude or overbearing to strangers who are just politely asking.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Totally depends on the situation for me. Most of the time its a coworker because I rarely go anywhere otherwise. So to them I just say Im doing well. If someone who knows whats been going on asks but Im not close to them I will usually just say Im doing a lot better thanks. And if its one of the very few people who actually care I will be totally honest.

Im not sure what ok really is anymore though. I feel ok right now because Im not suicidal and I have been managing to take my meds and not do anything self-destructive but there are lots of moments where I have a total breakdown and Im still mildly depressed so how ok can I really be if thats still happening.

[Pookyl]

I answer truthfully. I don’t bother lying. I’ve learned not to waste my time on people who aren’t important to me.

[Nammu]

I just figure that they are being polite and say I'm ok.

[Wander]

Unless I am in a horrible state with a close friend/family member I cannot help but immediately draw a broad smile and say things like, "I'm fine", or even, "I'm great" when asked the o kay question while I am suffering deeply.

[Underdevelopment]

What's sad is people ask often, but don't really want to know. It becomes a platitude. I don't tell anyone, purely because I'm sick of others judging me. I don't lie or hide it, I don't open up. I deflect. I be myself, but answer to no one but myself and God. Sheesh I sound like a snob. I'm not, I'm tired of others not caring about me as much as I try and care for them.

So, it makes sense how I'll answer the question. I can lie, tell others I'm great and completely exhaust myself by faking it. Or I can be the real me. Have one real friend and be as lonely as I've ever been. But that one friend who knows me, even though we spend so little time together online, is worth 100 fake friends.

Yes. I'm in a very dark place.

[hope2010]

I just say - I am fine to people that are not close to me. Now if a true friend, I have about five of them, ask me I will tell the truth. Depends on the moment though, because sometimes is just not the right time to go on about how I really feel. I am thankful to have these friends.

[luvyrself]

In many contexts “How are you?” Is just a social nicety and its used just like saying hello. In those cases, don’t overthink it wishing they want a detailed answer if they dont. If they do seem to want to know, but wont understand anything too intense “I could be better” seems to fill the bill. Then they can ask another question if they want to draw you into conversation. This used to irritate me, but there are many things that are really disturbing in life, so why sweat the small stuff. Very early on , my mother taught me to smile in a casual context no matter if I was depressed (she understood depression having had it) and I think she was right. You get a better response from people, and in fact I think there are some studies that show that flexing the smile muscles in your face actually give you some endorphin hormones and make you feel better.

[pirilin]

Never better. That won't spook anybody.
I told someone I was depressed once. Big mistake.
Even if I'm crying blood tears inside. Never better.

Cheers.