The other day, my husband found an article in my township's little local paper about the school's response after the suicide death of a 15 year old (unnamed) student at the high school. I read the article twice, and felt that though they were clearly motivated to educate the students about mental illness, in the tragedy's aftermath, that it may likely be an effort that dies out. That motivated me to write the following letter to the township's health officer, who supposedly is in charge of "gathering statistics" and following up on the issue further. Here's my letter to her, with names and town changed:

Dear Ms. Henry,

A few days ago, I read Nicky Bertrand’s article “Following Teen Suicide, Health Board Looks to Partner with Schools to Assess Mental Health” in the June 2019 edition of The Hunterdon News. It saddened me to read that yet another person (and so young as 15) has lost their life to suicide. It is, however, encouraging to read that the Health Board is giving greater recognition to the seriousness of mental health issues. It is a fact that mental health issues often start early in life. Indeed, many teens, and even younger children, experience first symptoms of mental illness at these times. It is also known that early college years are when many youth develop mental health symptoms – often away from their parents for the first time. Education about mental illnesses, fighting stigma, and how to seek help are crucial before they start.

I am 46 years old this year, but my first major symptoms of bipolar disorder (which includes anxiety, depression, mania, and other symptoms) started at age 14. My youngest nephew, who my family sadly lost two years ago to suicide, made his first attempt before he was 10. My nephew and I were among the type of children that “didn’t fit”, as Deputy Mayor Catherine Adams mentioned in the article. However, mental illness and possible suicide (or self-harm) are present in all populations. Drug and alcohol abuse are luckily discussed at most schools, rightly so, but often they are just a symptom of a greater mental health issue. It can be dangerous to simply address symptoms and not likely root illnesses.

Lack of education, stigma, fear, low self-esteem, family dynamics, and many other factors, prevent people of all ages from seeking help, or even acknowledging that they have a mental health problem. These barriers often cause years of suffering. Social issues and the ability to be happy, confident, and successful in school and work, are just some ways lives are affected. I know. I’ve lived it. I know many people in similar situations.

Dr. David Lambert’s suggestion that mental health be a topic discussed every month, is not an unreasonable one. Or at the very least, I agree it shouldn’t be a passing few day topic only mentioned days before a summer break. I hope that the seminars mentioned in the article were thorough, addressing the scope of mental health issues (a wide one), the dangers, the possible causes, and how to seek help even if one doesn’t feel comfortable approaching those closest to them. I hope there are people at the school that the students now know they can comfortably talk to, in private, to seek support. I am assuming the school invited experts in the field of mental health, such as a psychologist or social worker, perhaps a psychiatrist, and also…a couple of people who experienced mental health issues, first hand. The latter can be among the most impressionable speakers of them all. I know as a person with a mental illness, that I don’t want to feel alone in my illness, weak, or inferior because of it. No one wants to feel “crazy”, as the word is often used, in a stigmatizing way.

On the news, we recently learned of a terrible mass murder in Virginia Beach. Not long ago, we were severely shocked at the killings at the high school in Parkland, Florida. Isn’t it disturbing how these mass killings have increased in frequency? I happen to support common sense gun control, but it goes way beyond that. The issue is proper intervention for people with mental health issues. Every one of those shooters that died were likely in some way desperately affected by mental illness, and not sufficiently helped. I grieved for all of the lives lost, including the lives of the shooters. Why? Because I understand the pain, extreme feelings (including anger and desperation) that can come with mental illness. Of course a school shooter is not the average person with mental illness. They represent a very small minority. The above article in The Hunterdon News referenced the need for more statistics. Well an article at Mass shootings since Sandy Hook, in one map indicated that there have been 2,086 mass shootings in the US since Sandy Hook. It stated that in 2019 alone, 178 people have been killed in mass shootings and 617 wounded. That is indeed horrible! But how often do you hear suicide statistics on the news? SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education) states that every day suicide takes approximately 123 American lives, with approximately 45,000 American lives per year (Suicide Statistics and Facts – SAVE), many of which are young people. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in those 15-24 years old. The leading cause of death is not school shootings. We’ve got to put this into proper perspective!

Mental illness is a huge problem for young people. According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), “Approximately 1 in 5 youth aged 13–18 (21.4%) experiences a severe mental disorder at some point during their life. For children aged 8–15, the estimate is 13%.” This is from Mental Health By the Numbers | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness. This is a lot of pain and suffering, isn’t it? But there is help!

I do hope that Hunterdon Township schools continue to take mental health issues seriously, so that no other suicides happen. I hope that more and more students seek help and grow up knowing not to stigmatize the mentally ill, or anyone with an illness who seems different than them. Mental health goes beyond just diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). It must address issues that can lead to mental unwellness, from bullying, to stress in school/work, to other social issues, and more. Hunterdon Township school children are lucky that they live in a comparatively wealthy place. So many children grow up far less privileged. The lesser the privilege, generally the worse the ramifications when mentally ill. Even THAT fact should be taught in schools, especially now at time when racism, classicism, and other “isms” are on the rise.

I remember when I was 14 years old, I had few friends at my school and I was growing depressed. One I had seemed to decide that being friends with me was hurting her, socially. One day, I asked her why she wasn’t playing with me. She started to sing a song using the words “I want to be happy – I want to be happy – I want to be happy, too”…as if she no longer wanted to be rejected by others because of association with me. Well, you can’t believe how much that stabbed at me. After that so-called song, she stopped being friends with me, and my mental state worsened and I became completely isolated for a while. Oddly, years later, still remembering the tune she sang, I found that the lyrics she sung were completely wrong. The real lyrics have a much kinder, loving, and selfless meaning. The song “I Want to Be Happy” by Irving Caesar and Vincent Youmans goes as follows:

I want to be happy but
I won't be happy till I make you happy too;
Life's really worth living,
when we are mirth-giving.
Why can't I give some to you?

When skies are gray and you say you are blue,
I'll send the sun smiling through,
I want to be happy,
but I won't be happy till I make you happy, too

I know that it’s a lot to expect that a young girl make another young girl feel better, when depressed. Or that the young girl grow unhappy because of another. Positive recovery takes experts (or a team’s) help, sometimes. But if there is the barrier of isolation/invisibility, neglect, or misunderstanding, it can be near impossible.

Honestly, I was surprised to read about the suicide, even in the little township paper. Suicide and mental illness get comparatively little space in newspapers and even on TV or web news. Though I understand the need to provide privacy for family and friends for grieving, I am disconcerted that the tragedies and hardships are almost minimized in the media. That is just one little part of the issues that continue regarding stigma.

Best regards,

[My Name]

Video of Doris Day singing “I Want to Be Happy” at [COLOR=var(--color-text)]

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I know this thread hasn't generated much interest, but I thought I would share the response I received.

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Dear Ms. My Name,

Thank you for sharing your story, You have given me a lot to think about. We are working to do better by our youth, and anyone who may be struggling. Your story drew a vibrant picture of what the concerns are and how we can help.

I will reach out to you further to let you know what the Board is considering, so you can be engaged in our search for solutions.

Be well,

Ms. X Y, Health Officer

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I thanked her in return and stated that I would be happy to be kept in the loop about their effort. I also offered to help in any way I can.

[Daonnachd]

That's a great step toward providing needed services for our children. It's wonderful that this will be an ongoing dialogue including you as part of it.


The story at the root of this thread led me to consider more carefully how I provide support for my son. I also examined the adequacy of that support.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm sorry for posting late on this. I'm not sure how to say what I think. I really admire you for writing this and sharing it publicly. We need people to help promote any program that can help people get treatment as soon as they need it. I read the thread on here about age of onset and wonder what would have happened if treatment had been immediate. You're helping that and that's brave and wonderful.

[sarahsweets]

Bird dancer I meant to reply to this yesterday. It was very brave and thoughtful of you to share your story with the township-I do not know if I could have done it. Its something that should not be shameful and deserves just as much funding and support as say... the opiate crisis but its still in the shadows. Thank you for taking a stand with trying to share and educate people, its all we can hope for.