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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: NY
Posts: 1,168
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#1
The other day I noticed a couple of strange things. The nightlight in my bathroom was on the floor. Then the cat litter dome was left open (it's two parts, you have to put the top back on after you clean it).
Immediately I thought someone broke in. I searched the whole apartment. Nothing else was out of order. I became convinced that someone broke in to menace me. I didn't leave the house for almost three days for more than a brief groceries run, and even then I carried all my important stuff with me:: computer, hard drives, chargers, money, everything. I've since left the house for longer periods of time but I still am carrying all my valuables with me because I am convinced someone must have the keys to my apartment or some way to get in. Today at group therapy, my therapist suggested that maybe I moved the nightlight and litter box. I've had so much memory loss this week thanks to depression and psychosis. I also have been known to sleepwalk and do weird things like punch out the window screen. I am trying to reframe my interpretation of what happened, but I can't help but but believe someone is breaking into my apartment and leaving me signs. Do I have reason to be afraid? Or does this sound like psychosis? Or something else entirely (I also have OCD). __________________ dx: schizoaffective bipolar type; OCD; GAD rx: clozapine, clonazepam PRN |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: US
Posts: 1,512
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#2
I don't know for sure,what you are experiencing but I can say I have done something similar when I thought something was odd and I worried someone wanted to break into my house. I got really scared and felt paranoid, and had to leave the house in a panic. It was never full blown paranoia in my case if that makes sense. However, I don't get full blown paranoia, and since you do I wonder if this is similar to anything you've experienced before? Are there any typical signs for you to be concerned, especially early signs to watch out for? Maybe asking your therapist their opinion would be helpful.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#3
I know this must be difficult. I think it is awesome you are considering all of the possibilities instead of going with your initial thought that someone broke in. It is great you are open to exploring your therapist's suggestion.
I think if we were to look at this from a probability perspective the most likely answer is that you moved the items you mentioned. You've had memory loss recently and these are items you could have easily misplaced during a blackout. Is anything missing from your house? If not, it is unlikely that a burglar got in. If they wanted your valuables and already broke in they would have grabbed them the first time. Burgalars typically do not return to the same house multiple times. Do you keep anything super sensitive on your hard drive? It is unlikely someone would break in to look at your data. It is typically less risky to just hack in remotely. If someone is breaking in they are going to a lot of trouble and putting themselves at great risk. Can you think of a reason why anyone would do that to you? If there is no clear motive it is likely you moved the items. This may be a little overboard, but if you are truly worried you could always set up a camera at your door. That may offer peace of mind. I do think psychosis causes this kind of paranoia and you've been experiencing psychosis lately. It also causes strange behavior and memory loss which could explain why you would have done this yourself. You also said you sleepwalk. People do all sorts of strange things in that state. You're also on heavy doses of meds at the moment. I personally do not think anyone is breaking in, but it is just my guess based on all of the data you have provided as well as your other recent posts. I'm sorry this is happening. I hope you are able to feel comfortable leaving your home again soon. |
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 17,154
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#4
I get paranoid at night a lot. I think someone is in the kitchen. Ive hidden under my blankets. I'll be out and freak out because I am convinced I left the door unlocked.
__________________ Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 1.5 mg, Gabapentin 300 Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2016
Location: United States of America
Posts: 1,792
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#5
hi. i get somewhat similar thoughts. i have 'obsessive traits,' not full on ocd. not to frighten you, but neuroleptics/antipsychotics, at sufficient doses, can sometimes exacerbate existing ocd stuff and there have been case reports of drug-induced ocd...I think it has something to do with messing too much with frontal lobe function (?).
anyway... when there's a disorder with a strong psychotic component on board, obviously...no one wants a full on breakdown. has your psychiatrist ever offered some sort of treatment for the obsessive stuff, an ssri or something? with the mood issues...do your problems get worse on the up or down swing? ive only had a couple bona fide upper end episodes, but they were rough. psychotic depression is sort of my default position, lol...so, the treatment for my mood issues focuses on elevating mood, and now i have fewer psychosis-type problems. not to scare you, but klonopin can make depression worse. or cause it. ive experienced some lovely k-pin induced depression, and...yeah. sad times. is your klonopin a daily thing or as needed? back when i had a psychiatrist who would give me mother's little helpers (cue nostalgia music), i found as-needed ativan was better for me than klonopin...less depression. if (hypo)mania is often a contributing factor to your psychotic stuff, then talk to your psychiatrist about it, by all means. therapists can be helpful, but personally...even indepth therapy bounced right off of me until i got on 2 Rx drugs and Orthomolecular for a while, plus addressing social factors. obviously, that's me, not you. i hope things get better for you. :-) |
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