[*Beth*]

Mixed states were causing me too much stress, so my pdoc doubled my Lamictal dose. My mind was quieter within 48 hours. It's so quiet, in fact, that I feel fairly depressed. But even more strange than the depression feelings is this:

I have a bottomless well of fear because the mania is gone. It feels like a large part of my brain has been sucked away. My mind is so still that there's a void...a black hole of "blank." Last night while lying in bed and trying to fall asleep I was acutely aware of the "void" - the absence of my "normal reality." My awareness of it caused me to be close to panic.

I'm wondering if others know what I mean...have experienced that blank, black, bottomless well of nothing. Should I call my pdoc (she keeps urging me to notify her if I experience what feel like unusual side effects) or should I wait this out and see what happens over the week-end? For those who know what I mean, what did you do?

[MickeyCheeky]

I hear you, @summerfields! I can understand how you feel right now I'd say definitely contact your Pdoc if you need assistance. Other than that perhaps you can try to find some distractions and just keep your mind occupied for as much as you possibly can. That can help a bit. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of advice to give to you as I'm not very good with it I hope other wiser posters will be able to help you out. Nevertheless, I'm here for you when you need someone to listen to you. Don't hesitate to PM me anytime. I'm sure others will gladly help as well. Definitely contact your Pdoc and ask him if it's possible to make another Meds Change that better suits you and your needs. You have EVERY RIGHT to ask that. Please keep us updated on your situation if you want to! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, summerfields, and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for WHO YOU TRULY ARE! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE YOUR LIFE MATTERS AND YOU'RE IMPORTANT!

Originally Posted by summerfields

Mixed states were causing me too much stress, so my pdoc doubled my Lamictal dose. My mind was quieter within 48 hours. It's so quiet, in fact, that I feel fairly depressed. But even more strange than the depression feelings is this:

I have a bottomless well of fear because the mania is gone. It feels like a large part of my brain has been sucked away. My mind is so still that there's a void...a black hole of "blank." Last night while lying in bed and trying to fall asleep I was acutely aware of the "void" - the absence of my "normal reality." My awareness of it caused me to be close to panic.

I'm wondering if others know what I mean...have experienced that blank, black, bottomless well of nothing. Should I call my pdoc (she keeps urging me to notify her if I experience what feel like unusual side effects) or should I wait this out and see what happens over the week-end? For those who know what I mean, what did you do?

I think I know what you mean, summerfields, but I wouldn't panic about it. Definitely if it is highly uncomfortable, do let you doctor know what you are experiencing. It's very possible your doctor will suggest you wait a few days, but you need not wait those days before contacting her. Many times there is a brief adjustment period when medication doses are tweaked. A big increase can certainly be a shock, initially.

I haven't felt such a feeling in a very long time.

I do know what it's like to grieve the loss of hypomania. [I do not grieve the loss of mania!] You may have heard or read the term "new normal". That's something many of us have to adjust to, especially those who have had prolonged periods of hypomania/mania in life. In the beginning, it seems like a major drag, but over time it can become very appealing. Being stable has a certain grounding effect that I've learned to appreciate. I think, however, that the feeling you describe today is not stability, but a mental dampening, or similar. Again, the cloud generally does lift. If it doesn't, then your doctor can make some changes so it does. My mother always taught me "Patience is a virtue." I used to hate when she said that, but sometimes it really pays off.

You may be over medicated. I would wait and contact them Monday if you haven't improved.

[*Beth*]

Thanks to each of you. I'm grateful for your replies. I'm feeling increasingly anxious or agitated, or both (never sure how to discern those two).


I feel awkward about calling my pdoc, but I guess that's better than making a med adjustment on my own.


Thank you again for your encouragement

[*Beth*]

Called my pdoc's office and she asked me to come in today, which I did. When I got there I had to admit to myself that my mental state this week has been no good. She wants me to hang in there with the Lamictal 300mg. Added Navane (it helped me in the past, even though it's an older anti-p).

She has also asked me if I will agree to take 3 mg/Klonopin per day (as opposed to 2mg). I'm very apprehensive about taking more k-pin, just because of the tolerance, addiction, etc. But I have agreed to the news med additions until the end of August, anyway.

Dr. w. wanted to IP me because I smashed my desk in a rage a few days ago. IP is just not something I want to do...I want to try the med changes first.

So. That's my update and, again, thanks for the support.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi!

I am glad you were able to see your pdoc. I hope things get easier over the weekend! If not, please do call you pdoc again!
Also, if you feel unwell enough to need help, please do let us know!

[yellow_fleurs]

I hope the med change helps! Was the rage you felt due to the mixed episode do you think? I experienced some really out of character rage due to a reaction/possible mixed episde due to Lexapro, and then was taken off that and put on Lamictal but oddly the Lamictal also resulted in me feeling intense rage. I am not someone to easily anger so wanting to trash my room in anger was an odd feeling. I did actually end up punching a door on a few occasions. Fortunately that has all calmed down now. Hope you feel better soon.

[*Beth*]

You are so kind, Wild C. Thank you.

Hi yellow_fleurs, I remember being in a French class in high school and learning the French word for flowers...fleurs. It's such a pretty word.

I wish I had a better insight into what caused the raging. I'm concerned that it was the sudden increase in Lamictal. Maybe it was several things that came together all at once...extremely hot weather, for one. For some reason, temperatures over 100 have a weird effect on me. And the mixed state really scared me. Also intense anxiety.

I'm shaken up, I think...just this summer I am finally seeing that I truly do have a mental illness. Maybe I finally feel safe enough with my pdoc and therapist, because they are both so gifted at their jobs...maybe I can admit the reality to myself, after all these years.