[BadNews4321]

Well these are some weird recent conversations. Maybe on the outside I look well and have become an expert at masking symptoms for close to 20 years after being diagnosed. I feel I've gained a lot of empathy from realizing how in the past my mood disorder affected others. I was very hard on myself, unforgiving of some things I did, and hated who I was.

There are a lot of days where the smallest things irritate me from being very mentally fatigued or everything around me seems too slow and inefficient, that I want to punt something across the neighbourhood. It take a lot of focus to be patient and look like I'm normal in those moments.

I don't believe anyone who is telling me I could be misdiagnosed has any ill intentions, but at the same time, it does feel disrespectful to all the work I am doing to stay as healthy as possible. I don't know how to respond or even if I should.

[~Christina]

Yes I totally understand all that ^^^

[Rick7892]

I relate to what you are describing.

It is tough when people tell me that I look like I am doing well, so I must be OK. Like you, I spend a lot of time trying to cope, sometimes not so well.

A couple of things I try to remember is Smiling Depression (The Secret Pain of "Smiling" Depression | Psychology Today). There are others like us who may appear to be doing OK but are not.

I also self-medicated my mental health with alcohol and couldn't stop. I have been in recovery for a number of years, and people have sometimes suggested that I haven't drank for so long, so it might be OK to drink now. No!

For me, what is important in my self-care is to be aware of how I am really doing. I can listen to others to get their perspective and that can be helpful. Listening to people like therapists who I am very open with about what is going on with me is the most helpful. But I also need to listen to myself.

[bpcyclist]

Sometimes, I wish we could show people an MRI of our brains that would clearly identify the areas and stuff affected by our illnesses. I feel like the fact that there is no lab test or scan, so far anyway, really makes it hard for some folks to take us seriously. Easier to just label us as crazy or unstable or whatever.

[downandlonely]

I relate to this too. I smile a lot, so people don't believe I'm depressed. One person even said he didn't know how a beautiful person could be depressed. That pissed me off. What does physical appearance have to do with mental illness?

[fern46]

Originally Posted by BadNews4321

Well these are some weird recent conversations. Maybe on the outside I look well and have become an expert at masking symptoms for close to 20 years after being diagnosed. I feel I've gained a lot of empathy from realizing how in the past my mood disorder affected others. I was very hard on myself, unforgiving of some things I did, and hated who I was.

There are a lot of days where the smallest things irritate me from being very mentally fatigued or everything around me seems too slow and inefficient, that I want to punt something across the neighbourhood. It take a lot of focus to be patient and look like I'm normal in those moments.

I don't believe anyone who is telling me I could be misdiagnosed has any ill intentions, but at the same time, it does feel disrespectful to all the work I am doing to stay as healthy as possible. I don't know how to respond or even if I should.

You're finding a way to thrive despite your diagnosis. That's remarkable. Others who have not experienced mental illness may struggle with proper empathy because for most, the only way to truly know what this is like is to live it. Also, how can they understand if you're working so hard to mask your feelings? Most people aren't super skilled with empathy for truly hidden emotion.

Maybe try to see their comments as misunderstood compliments that your incredible work is delivering the results that you hope for. Also, there's nothing at all wrong with being honest with someone and letting them know how things truly feel on the inside. You don't have to wear a mask for anyone. You're doing the work to stay balanced overall. There is no shame in letting others see that you swing back and forth from time to time and you overcome it. That simply shows strength in the face of a challenge and that is beautiful for others to see and feel. Their empathy can improve as a result.

I don't know how I feel about this overall. On one hand, it is definitely frustrating and aggravating when people think that you're "fine" and that you're either lying or misdiagnosed. On the other hand, appearing "well" is a testament to how well I am able to handle myself around others, and sometimes even a testament to how well I am coping (assuming I'm not hiding anything). So, I see this as both positive and negative at the same time.

Like you, BadNews4321, I know that no one has ill intentions. Thus, I think this time would be a great opportunity to educate people on what's going on. I'm not saying you have to be rude about it, but genuinely explain what's going on and what it's like to cope with bipolar on a daily basis. Explain how far you've come and what you have to do to stay well and cope. Turning these situations into learning opportunities is incredibly powerful for everyone involved. It lets you help others understand you better, and it helps others understand the illness better.

People often know very little about bipolar disorder. If you're stable, they think it's gone like the flu. It doesn't work that way. It isn't gone, just in remission. It can come back in some form at any time.

I think many of us deal with minor residual symptoms between bigger episodes. We're not out to look ill when we can try to just live in the moment and cope well. People can't know these residual symptoms unless they're clear as day, or if we dwell on them all the time, which I try not to do. And again, even if everything is peachy keen, my bipolar disorder still exists. It's not cured. My diagnosis wasn't wrong.

Others are not the only ones who doubt our diagnoses from time to time. More people than I can count doubt their own diagnosis during remissions. Maybe some don't have the disorder. Sometimes it takes episode after episode, throughout years, for it to be confirmed "Maybe I [she/he] really do/es have bipolar disorder". It was like that for me. I had my first episodes at 14/15 and then again and again throughout my 20s (with remission periods) until they became especially severe in my 30s. Then, it would seem preposterous that I did NOT have bipolar disorder. And yet, there are still people out there that might have remained unconvinced.

[*Beth*]

I've found that very, very few people understand what BP disorder is. In general, in seems to me that most people still don't understand mental illness...they think it's when someone acts obviously "crazy."


It will be a good day when we are able to show our loved ones an image of our brains so they can actually see that BP is a physical reality.

[BadNews4321]

Thanks everyone.

I was thinking about what I wrote here when talking with my supervisor today. I have 4 simultaneous projects, as well as needing to do my own work everyday. She is getting stressed out and I am more concerned for her compared to the work, which I'm doing ok in. I know I wouldn't be able to cope with 4 projects and a panicky boss if I hadn't gone through some difficulties in the past. It is not easy for me, however.

I wish I had something more profound to say, but I've been a busy bee at work, which starts at 4am, time for some rest.

[Rick7892]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

... Thus, I think this time would be a great opportunity to educate people on what's going on. I'm not saying you have to be rude about it, but genuinely explain what's going on and what it's like to cope with bipolar on a daily basis. Explain how far you've come and what you have to do to stay well and cope. Turning these situations into learning opportunities is incredibly powerful for everyone involved. It lets you help others understand you better, and it helps others understand the illness better.

I agree this would be nice to do. But speaking for me, I seldom am strong enough or have enough energy to do this. My last therapist even told me that I must be doing OK in a way that I perhaps mistakenly thought she was saying I was faking my mental health illness because I looked OK. That was tough ...

[~Christina]

I think Bipolar is an illness that the masses seem to think is like the infamous Britney Spears Manic episode, she shaved her hair off then fades away and when she comes back she back to performing and seemingly all better

Now WE know that she has struggles just like we do ...

So as we smile and go about life as best we can trying to appear stable uneducated people do think we are just doing dandy if not cured

Mental health is being talked about more and more but in a way why should we expect people to learn about Bipolar ?? Sure our families we hope will learn about it and be supportive.

But it’s true about any mental illness, my husband has a working knowledge of Bipolar but knows nothing about Schizophrenia... but why would he ?

So I think we have to take into consideration that there is still stigma and uneducated people... sure it sucks.. I HATE how the commercials depict mania it’s always a woman and she’s running around buying dozens of cameras!!! Or another women middle age with a stick with a smile on it that’s a happy face to “ hide” with .., but it shows her out with friends, hell some days I just could not even go out let alone to hang out with people.

But gotta love Big Pharma for distorting Bipolar in commercials that push new and more expensive meds at us. Make me furious

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Rick7892

I agree this would be nice to do. But speaking for me, I seldom am strong enough or have enough energy to do this. My last therapist even told me that I must be doing OK in a way that I perhaps mistakenly thought she was saying I was faking my mental health illness because I looked OK. That was tough ...

I think this can be the accidental message that comes off when someone says you seem okay and you're not. My therapist commented on how I seem to be doing decently because I always show up to therapy, am presentable, etc. I know she meant it in a positive way, but just because I've learned to function despite the storm inside my head doesn't mean the storm isn't there. I have also had a friend keep telling me how good I seemed, even when I kept trying to tell her how much I was struggling, and it was like she couldn't reconcile that I could feel bad but look good.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I think this can be the accidental message that comes off when someone says you seem okay and you're not. My therapist commented on how I seem to be doing decently because I always show up to therapy, am presentable, etc. I know she meant it in a positive way, but just because I've learned to function despite the storm inside my head doesn't mean the storm isn't there. I have also had a friend keep telling me how good I seemed, even when I kept trying to tell her how much I was struggling, and it was like she couldn't reconcile that I could feel bad but look good.

I am lucky in a way that regardless of how I feel I pull myself together for T so at first he said he watched me closely because what I was saying didn’t appear to match up. In depression he could see it on my eyes , that full empty dull look. But over time I have very different body languages in certain states of mind ... so as I sit there fresh out of the shower dressed appropriately and Hair in good shape etc.. and I can be sitting there and be super unwell and suicidal. I’m glad my T Pdoc and GP can understand me

Yes people can certainly think we are okay when we just aren’t.