[Under*Over]

Im a member of another site where some people on the site just one day randomly started saying that there was no way I could be telling the truth about my mental illness. They said I was a liar and I should be ashamed and all this stuff. I tried to get the mods to do something but they wouldnt because “free speech”. I posted proof of my mental illness. Images of therapy reports and stuff. They got all mad I proved them wrong and left- but sent everyone behind the scenes all these lies about how I was horrible and that if THEY were mentally ill and they werent able to do the things I was doing I must not really be sick.

They made their own website where they made fun of me. Stalking me on the one website and then making fun of everything- from the panic attacks I was having because of the incident- to the suicidal feelings I was having from it plus from being off my meds.

I begged them to do something. The moderators. They wouldnt. Not really. They let it go on for weeks. And then when I got upset about it and wrote about it in public they banned me for “causing distress”

This was a place that I loved. I had friends. It was probably like how many of you guys see this forum- as a safe place to be.

And so now Im crushed. Maybe its stupid but. Its really messed with me.

And I just needed to write about it in a place where I cant get in trouble for it. A really safe space

[Blue_Bird]

I'm sorry you experienced that, that's terrible

[fern46]

That is awful. I hate that people hide behind their little machines and bully others. It hurts just as much as in person bullying does. I'm so sorry you experienced that and lost something you loved. I'm glad you shared here and feel safe to participate.

Sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine how devastating that must feel.

The fact they didn't believe you is disheartening for sure. People online have no reason to lie about having a mental illness, especially if they have been diagnosed with one or more conditions. I know that some people diagnose themselves without the aid of a mental health professional or a doctor, but even those people typically don't lie. They may be wrong about their diagnosis (since they're not professionals), but lying? I have never come across someone who actually lied about thinking they have Sz, SzA, BP, etc..

At the same time, the fact they didn't believe you must mean that you function pretty well, well enough for them to think you don't suffer from any mental health condition. Is that correct? If so, I think you should be PROUD of yourself for doing what you can to make sure you can function properly. I know it's hard to see anything positive out of this, but I think you're a strong person and you function well for the most part. However, I think it is normal to get very upset about something like this, because it's rather evil of them. I think I would have panic attacks and depression if I were in your shoes too.

Needless to say, that website sounds toxic and very unwelcoming. Do you still talk your friends from that forum? You know, have their Skype, email, etc.?

[Under*Over]

Yeah I think its part of what caused my new therapist to suggest ptsd. It was just the straw that broke the camels back. Ive been dealing with moving, senior level math classes in college (urgh), adjusting to the idea of medicine and therapy for life, dealing with recovering from the effects of two fairly severe psychotic episodes, dealing with a home life that is kind of- emotionally volatile, because of the move losing both my therapist and psychiatrist who were both very good and just...

Its been a lot. Maybe that doesnt sound like a ton to you all but- the stress has been building. And this. I really cared about that place. But its really- its hurt me more than anything lately. But its going to be hard to move on.

And yeah. I still talk to them. The amount of people who have left lately because of similar issues is high. Basically all that is left is people trolling, people who are racist, sexist, and ableist, and just bullies. But its hard because it didnt used to be that way.

I have grown a lot at that forum but- I think Ive grown out of it. Its changed and not for the better- and I want to change for the better- so really- it was time to leave anyways. Its just- logically I understand that but I went though a lot there and emotionally... its hard.

Ive spent the last couple of weeks on and off crying though. Just because of the hurt from it all. So Im not going to give it on more tear. But I did need a place to talk about it. So thank you for that

[~Christina]

I’m sorry this happened to you :sad hug:

I’m glad you feel safe here. PC I feel is by far the safest mental health site going.

They do not allow for bully’s and they are dealt with swiftly.

I hope your feeling stronger and safer soon

[Mendingmysoul]

So sorry you went through such an experience.I do not think anybody on these sites are lying about their mental health conditions. It is logical to think,if they are lying,then for what?Seems illogical. Is not it.?Whether diagnosed condition or not...the suffering is real and that is the reason in the first place ,we all are looking for answers on sites like these.May be some people are not very good at explaining their pain in words.But it does not mean their pain is any less.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry that happened. You are under a lot of stress.

[yellow_fleurs]

Wow I am so sorry. No matter if they believe you or not (not sure why they wouldn't) or even like you or not, there is no excuse for bullying. Anyone that has that amount invested in bringing another person down has their own work to do on themselves whether they realize it or not. There will always be people who are okay doing this type of things to others and I think boundaries are important in this kind of case. Like protect yourself from that no matter if you have to leave that site or not. You are welcome here!

[*Beth*]

I have been in a very similar situation, and my heart goes out to you. I don't think many people can understand what an awful and potentially damaging experience it is to be bullied online. Yes, there's plenty of talk against children being bullied, and that is so important. I have never heard bullying of adults taken really seriously, however.

I was part of a Facebook group for a year, a year ago. I was one of the most active members of the group. A couple of the women who were mods (!) decided to mock me and scapegoat me. It got so bad that I PM'ed them, literally pleaded with them to stop. So they took screen shots and posted my PM's on the group page. And so on.
That experience contributed greatly to me ending up IP in November.

Please don't think of yourself as stupid. The way you were treated is traumatic, and I am so, so sorry you went through that. Please do do your best to recognize that when people do such a rotten thing to someone online they are just stinking bullies who are looking for someone to dump their self-hatred and anger on.

I'm sending you a big hug, under*over

[birdiegirl]

What a horrible thing to experience 😔. Doesn't seem to me like that they were real friends, and you're probably better off without them.
Everyone is sooo tough from the safety of their computers ... I recently commented on a group's page that I had been following for some time. I made an alternate point regarding the current thread. And, because I wasn't rallying with (symbolic) torches and drawn swords, they all lit me up with ridiculous hateful comments! The best one was from someone who said she wished me the same fate as the subject of the thread, and when I looked at her profile it was all about her being a " child of God" and all this hypocritical nonsense. Haters gonna hate, and there's nothing you can do about it. Move on, stop associating with the group, maybe find some new people who are more closely aligned with your beliefs. Hugs!!

[birdiegirl]

What a horrible thing to experience 😔. Doesn't seem to me like that they were real friends, and you're probably better off without them.
Everyone is sooo tough from the safety of their computers ... I recently commented on a group's page that I had been following for some time. I made an alternate point regarding the current thread. And, because I wasn't rallying with (symbolic) torches and drawn swords, they all lit me up with ridiculous hateful comments! The best one was from someone who said she wished me the same fate as the subject of the thread, and when I looked at her profile it was all about her being a " child of God" and all this hypocritical nonsense. Haters gonna hate, and there's nothing you can do about it. Move on, stop associating with the group, maybe find some new people who are more closely aligned with your beliefs. Hugs!!

[Under*Over]

Thanks guys.

It just really stinks because I feel like if it was handled better- if they had just gotten in trouble from the start- it would have saved me so much emotional pain.

But this HAS helped me realize that I dont want to be a part of a site that allows its members to be treated like that. I mean, I really worked hard to make that site a decent place. I cared about it. I would run forum games, I would go out of my way to respond to peoples posts for support, I would try my best to comment in everyones blogs so no one felt unheard... and the thing is- part of the reason why it happened was just plain jealousy. People liked me more than they liked them.

Im not saying Im some super likable amazing person or anything. Im not trying to toot my own horn- but I invested A LOT into making that site a better place. I really really cared about it because when I was really sick... people helped me. Helped me to learn about myself and become a better person.

Anyways. Like it said. Its just disappointing how it all ended up. But it did help me to cut the cord from that place. Id been unhappy about how things were changing for a while-so many of my friends leaving for similar reasons- and I was stuck giving that place chance after chance after chance. And now. Now I can move on.

Its hard too though because emotionally- Im still hurting. Its getting less and less each day but- its still tough. I was a member there for almost 5 years almost without incident (I did have problems for a whilr at the beginning because I was so sick) and to be treated like this is just really hard.

I hope in the next few days Ill have shed all my pain from this- but Im afraid I wont. Im just going to try to fill my life with things Ive sort of let slide since spending so much of my time at that place.

Ive been hearing lots of messages lately saying that everything happens for a reason. And bad stuff happens sometimes to make room for better stuff. And I hope that is true

[Wild Coyote]

Hi,

I am just seeing this thread.

I, too, am very sorry for all you have been through. It is disheartening to have invested in something, only to be accused of being someone who might collude to bring the site down. It is absurd.

It is the internet and we all need to be/remain aware of this fact. I am not writing this to criticize you at all. I want to go on to say: No place on the net is totally safe. Some are safer than others. There are bound to be a few toxic people on any site.

That said, you are right on. It is time to make room for the new! We all outgrow our friends at times in life. This happens when we outgrow relationships and/realize the relationships are no longer healthy for us. Birdiegirl mentions the importance to be in "alignment" with others, wherever we invest out time and energy. I agree.

I hope your pain diminishes more and more with each passing day.

[Under*Over]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi,

I am just seeing this thread.

I, too, am very sorry for all you have been through. It is disheartening to have invested in something, only to be accused of being someone who might collude to bring the site down. It is absurd.

It is the internet and we all need to be/remain aware of this fact. I am not writing this to criticize you at all. I want to go on to say: No place on the net is totally safe. Some are safer than others. There are bound to be a few toxic people on any site.

That said, you are right on. It is time to make room for the new! We all outgrow our friends at times in life. This happens when we outgrow relationships and/realize the relationships are no longer healthy for us. Birdiegirl mentions the importance to be in "alignment" with others, wherever we invest out time and energy. I agree.

I hope your pain diminishes more and more with each passing day.

Yeah Im trying to get it out of my head. To look around at all the people just around me- day to day. I probably see 50 people a day and- they all survive without a thought in the world about a silly website. So that means that that website cant be THAT important.

Im trying to convince myself of that but its hard. Those people were my friends. I thought they cared. But I mean at the end of the day I guess people care about themselves more. It makes sense, but it makes me sad.

And yeah. Someone said recently in a conversation somehing about throwing out things that bring negativity to your life- that- if its not making you happy then you dont need it. And I guess thats true.

I just hate how unfair it was. But theres nothing I can do about that. Life is unfair

[Wild Coyote]

It is difficult to come to terms with a sense of betrayal.

It will get better with time.

[MickeyCheeky]

I am DEEPLY, TRULY SORRY for what you've been through, @Under*Over! Yes, I COMPLETELY agree with WHAT ALL the other WISE AND WONDERFUL posters have already WISELY and WONDERFULLY SAID BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! It is clear that place wans't right for you any longer - now you know better, although your disappointment is COMPLETELY understandable and I am SO VERY SORRY for how AWFULLY you were treated and for HOW MUCH you're hurting! Please be kind to yourself and DEFINITELY make place for other, better things to fill your Time with! Now you're away from those HORRIBLE people and you don't need to give even a second thought to them! You are MUCH MUCH BETTER than they EVER will be in their Lives and you know that! Please allow yourself to GRIEVE the Loss of that Forum and of ALL the people you've known there although they're likely and hopefully still alive. Are you still in contact with them? I understand your pain after spending SO MUCH TIME on that Forums. Unfortunately not many things last forever and you did your best when it was worth it. Now you can move on without regrets! Please be kind to yourself and feel free to reach out to me ANYTIME when you need Advice and Support! I AM SUR EPLENTY OF OTHERS WILL ALSO GLADY AND WONDERFULLY HELP YOU OUT AS WELL! Just keep asking for help! I hope your Doctors and your Therapists are doing EVERYTHING THEY CAN to help you out as well! Sending many safe, warm hugas to BOTH You, @Under*Over, Your Family, Your Friends And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Please do keep fighting and do keep rocking AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! PLEASE DO KEEP FIGHTING AND DO KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN!

[sarahsweets]

How awful @Under*Over! If these people created a website to slander and stalk and harass you, do you think getting the police involved would help?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

How awful @Under*Over! If these people created a website to slander and stalk and harass you, do you think getting the police involved would help?

Unfortunate;y, the police don't get involved with anything online unless there's anti-gov't posting. Sometimes threats to kill people, but very seldom -not even a direct threat to kill one known person.

In theory, it nice not to have "internet police"; in reality there are terribly abusive situations that go unchecked.

I tried to involve the police and a number of mental health agencies when I was so badly bullied in the Facebook group I was in. No one would get involved. I appealed to NAMI; all I needed was one person to request that the 2 women who were seriously harrassing me to stop.

No one stood up for me. Not a single friend, family member, mental health advocate, law enforcement, nothing. No one. If I had a friend who was being bullied online I would step up in a New York minute.

I sure learned quickly who was there for me. Turned out to be no one. I quietly dropped a number of so-called "friends" over the mess. But when I posted on Fb that I felt like I would die over the pain I was going through, a whole lot of "friends" called 911, which resulted in me being handcuffed, pushed into the back of a cop car, and taken to an awful psych ward.

Did those friends care? Not most of them; it was just easier and more exciting to call 911 than to help me out in the first place.

And I apologize for adding this to this thread. My intention is to share the severity of the damage of an online bullying situation.

[Under*Over]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Unfortunate;y, the police don't get involved with anything online unless there's anti-gov't posting. Sometimes threats to kill people, but very seldom -not even a direct threat to kill one known person.

In theory, it nice not to have "internet police"; in reality there are terribly abusive situations that go unchecked.

I tried to involve the police and a number of mental health agencies when I was so badly bullied in the Facebook group I was in. No one would get involved. I appealed to NAMI; all I needed was one person to request that the 2 women who were seriously harrassing me to stop.

No one stood up for me. Not a single friend, family member, mental health advocate, law enforcement, nothing. No one. If I had a friend who was being bullied online I would step up in a New York minute.

I sure learned quickly who was there for me. Turned out to be no one. I quietly dropped a number of so-called "friends" over the mess. But when I posted on Fb that I felt like I would die over the pain I was going through, a whole lot of "friends" called 911, which resulted in me being handcuffed, pushed into the back of a cop car, and taken to an awful psych ward.

Did those friends care? Not most of them; it was just easier and more exciting to call 911 than to help me out in the first place.

And I apologize for adding this to this thread. My intention is to share the severity of the damage of an online bullying situation.

Its totally cool for you to share your experience, no worries in the slightest.

I think what hurt most was just how it ended. It ended with me, no longer able to take it, getting angry and exploding on everyone. I was just hurting so bad and it was like no one cared.

I realize now I was probably wrong when it came to that- but it was how it felt in the moment. That site has rules about just- transparency. You cant talk about issues with the site or how its run in public. So I just felt like the whole time i was being hurt and I wasnt even allowed to talk about it.

I dont know. It all really messed me up.

Im still crying just about every day from it. Its getting better but its far from done. I just wish I felt better already because the hurt from this is so strong

[Wild Coyote]

I'm sorry, I don't recall, how long has it been since this all happened?

Do you see a therapist?
Do you have friends, family, others who lend support?

I agree. When we see people who carry on happily, without much involvement in the internet, it can help to put it all into perspective.

It is so very important that we invest in relationships irl, as well as online. I am not saying this to devalue online friendships. I think both can be important and it surely seems that a "balance" is key to so many aspects of life.

As I am writing this, I am reminding myself that I need to invest in that balance as well.

I can honestly tell you that it's been my experience that I can never know, completely, about people online. Maybe that is true for irl experiences as well, at least in some instances. (That is yet another story, a part of my life for sure..) Some people represent themselves online in an honest manner, others do not.

I had gotten along fairly well with a person at a different site. She had eventually shared a lot about herself. She seemed to be just fine and in control of her life. Over the period of a couple of years, we had shared names, first and last, which I very rarely do. I soon found her on my door step. She had "researched" things about my location and my life, she had then flown across the country to come to my residence, without ever consulting me. It was all a disaster, God bless her soul. She was an active alcoholic, despite swearing she never drinks. She could not work and had not done so in many years; yet, had told me she was employed and had a great job. Her appearance and her presence in this neighborhood caused a lot of havoc in my life for about 3 years. She was in constant crises. After I had convinced her to see a therapist and a pdoc, she had eventually started to have more insight and could then see she had made a bad decision and was not doing what was best for anyone, not even herself. She then flew back across the country to be with her family (3 long years later).

I'd shared this as an example of some of the potential realities of getting involved with people who might pose as someone they are not. While this does happen irl, it is more easily pulled off on the net.

It is not unusual for us to "idealize" various friends on the net. We may project upon them the person we'd like them to be. This happens a lot irl, too, yet again is more prevalent in online relationships. This idealization is a "mechanism" so prevalent that many therapists count upon this happening in therapeutic relationships, so they can be/will be to the client whatever the client needs. This comes about by the therapist limiting any personal sharing and allowing the client to project upon the therapist the qualities the client needs most in order to heal. (I have been shocked, repeatedly, to find out a therapist lived a VERY different life than the one I had thought they were living. This was due to my own projections upon the therapist.

Sometimes what we have lost is a world we have somehow built around us which is made up of our own projections and truly has little to do with the person(s) with whom we are friends. I am not saying this is the case; yet, am saying it is possible.

This situation is, in fact, sad. It is also quite possible the "sadness" of this situation has touched, or has tapped into, a deep well of pain and/or of sadness within. My pain is within, even if activated by an eternal event. I carry my pain, my well of sadness, with me. When someone or something taps into my well of pain/sadness, I become more aware of the depth of the well and I continue to feel the pain and the sadness and it stays with me (I am more conscious of it) long after the external event has passed.

So I am not saying your response to the way you were treated was not founded. I am trying to say that it is possible this has also tapped into, has touched, your inner well of pain/sadness.

I hope you find a place of peace within.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm very sorry you experienced that. That is awful.

[Under*Over]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I'm sorry, I don't recall, how long has it been since this all happened?

Do you see a therapist?
Do you have friends, family, others who lend support?

I agree. When we see people who carry on happily, without much involvement in the internet, it can help to put it all into perspective.

It is so very important that we invest in relationships irl, as well as online. I am not saying this to devalue online friendships. I think both can be important and it surely seems that a "balance" is key to so many aspects of life.

As I am writing this, I am reminding myself that I need to invest in that balance as well.

I can honestly tell you that it's been my experience that I can never know, completely, about people online. Maybe that is true for irl experiences as well, at least in some instances. (That is yet another story, a part of my life for sure..) Some people represent themselves online in an honest manner, others do not.

I had gotten along fairly well with a person at a different site. She had eventually shared a lot about herself. She seemed to be just fine and in control of her life. Over the period of a couple of years, we had shared names, first and last, which I very rarely do. I soon found her on my door step. She had "researched" things about my location and my life, she had then flown across the country to come to my residence, without ever consulting me. It was all a disaster, God bless her soul. She was an active alcoholic, despite swearing she never drinks. She could not work and had not done so in many years; yet, had told me she was employed and had a great job. Her appearance and her presence in this neighborhood caused a lot of havoc in my life for about 3 years. She was in constant crises. After I had convinced her to see a therapist and a pdoc, she had eventually started to have more insight and could then see she had made a bad decision and was not doing what was best for anyone, not even herself. She then flew back across the country to be with her family (3 long years later).

I'd shared this as an example of some of the potential realities of getting involved with people who might pose as someone they are not. While this does happen irl, it is more easily pulled off on the net.

It is not unusual for us to "idealize" various friends on the net. We may project upon them the person we'd like them to be. This happens a lot irl, too, yet again is more prevalent in online relationships. This idealization is a "mechanism" so prevalent that many therapists count upon this happening in therapeutic relationships, so they can be/will be to the client whatever the client needs. This comes about by the therapist limiting any personal sharing and allowing the client to project upon the therapist the qualities the client needs most in order to heal. (I have been shocked, repeatedly, to find out a therapist lived a VERY different life than the one I had thought they were living. This was due to my own projections upon the therapist.

Sometimes what we have lost is a world we have somehow built around us which is made up of our own projections and truly has little to do with the person(s) with whom we are friends. I am not saying this is the case; yet, am saying it is possible.

This situation is, in fact, sad. It is also quite possible the "sadness" of this situation has touched, or has tapped into, a deep well of pain and/or of sadness within. My pain is within, even if activated by an eternal event. I carry my pain, my well of sadness, with me. When someone or something taps into my well of pain/sadness, I become more aware of the depth of the well and I continue to feel the pain and the sadness and it stays with me (I am more conscious of it) long after the external event has passed.

So I am not saying your response to the way you were treated was not founded. I am trying to say that it is possible this has also tapped into, has touched, your inner well of pain/sadness.

I hope you find a place of peace within.

Yeah logically- I really... I mean. There is a lot going on in my head but. At the end of the day- most of the people who matter to me at that place I still have contact with. Most people know that I wasnt the bad guy there- that really what happened to me was awful. Its just that- I didnt try to skirt around the rules in order not to get into trouble- manipulation has never been my way- and they did. And thats how they got away with doing what they were doing for so long- by not technically breaking enough rules to get into trouble.

Im trying not to let the feeling of- “they won” get to me. But it is. It just feels so unfair. I was hurt so bad and there really was no justice. Just more pain.

That place helped me with so much though. It was where I was when I was first diagnosed. When I was so scared because I didnt know what was happening to me and people... people reached out. I dont have much irl support. I see a therapist and Im going to see a new med doc (not a psychiatrist but a PA- its all I can get imright now- everywhere around me is booked!). But besides them, and some support groups I go to, Im all alone. That place- people were kind to me. And its really the first place that I can remember where... people were.

I definitely idealized some of the people there. I idealized the site tbh. So many people, when things started to get kinda questionable- told me to leave. Asked me why I was still there. And it was because I didnt want to see it. I didnt want to see the fact that the place that was once so full of life for me was- something that was becoming a little sick seeming. But what that site WAS for me- several years back- is not what it is for me now. That picture has changed- I just refused to allow it to until it was forced on me.

And I wonder if maybe- its a sign. I mean. There have been many other signs that I have ignored- maybe this was just the push I needed to move towards something better. I mean. I was giving so much attention to the internet- that isnt healthy. I can do so many things- millions of other things- now that The one thing I was obsessive about is over for me.

I want to move forwards. But I have to accept the past