[HALLIEBETH87]

I’ve been talking to a guy on bumble and we met last night! I like him and he said he likes me. We are already planning on meeting again.

My question: at what point in casual dating if at all should you talk about mental health issues. I’m
Not ready to anytime soon but was wondering.

I don’t wanna scare him off with my issues :/

[saucygirl31]

id say don't mention it until ur going steady. and even then, just say ur taking meds for a mental illness. if he wants to ask which one, then tell him.

that's just what id do im sure other people are different.

[HALLIEBETH87]

That’s kinda what I was thinking

Thanks!

He’s Indian and his accent is so sexy!

Definitely don't mention a mental illness this early one, unless he happens to, which I doubt he will.

HALLIEBETH, I bet you have a lot of interests. Music, TV, sports, nature, etc, etc, etc. I'd make a list of those and try to work them into conversation with this sexy voiced Indian guy. Actually, I strongly recommend you spend a lot of time with him asking HIM questions about his interests. Is he originally from India? There are lots of cool things about Indian culture. If you're not familiar with them, do ask about them. Take an interest in him. Impress him with what you DO know about his culture or interests. Guys really like that! And smile a lot. Tell him you really like his accent. If your willing, consider telling him it sounds "sexy".

I'd wait until you get plenty of nice kisses before you start talking illness. That is, unless you have a cold sore on your lip.

[Scooter9]

Ask him about the festivals because festival season has started for Indians. There's something going on almost every other week!

[HALLIEBETH87]

He told me tons about Indian culture!! It was cool andyes he’s originally from there. He wants to meet again soon!

[fern46]

If he had a mental illness at what point would you want him to tell you about it? Follow the golden rule. Do for him what you would want him to do for you.

[BipolarWolf]

I agree. Better to not waste each others time.
I know that this may not be what you want to read, but its true.

I would probe around asking him about what he knows about your issues.
Make it clear that you take meds and such. Be honest.

Because you would want to know if he has any such issues as well.

You don't want to be out on a date and have an episode and blindside him with the event. That might not happen, but... what if …..

He needs to be able to know who to call or what to do if such an event happens.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I’m
Just scared it’ll scare him
Off

[HALLIEBETH87]

He’s a good kisser

I think it's too soon, and do not think it's disingenuous or hiding anything to wait. People do not tend to talk about hard things and problems when they first meet. Let's say I met someone and they're on about all their failed relationships, or all their "baggage". Really? *That's* the early impression they want to relay? Next! And it wouldn't be that they scared me off, but because they turned me off with all their negativity. Why would I want to hear straight off about all of somebody's problems? I want to know their good stuff, at least to start. Things that will pique further interest. Give me a reason to *want* to know more about them. Does that make sense?

I can tell you that I'm not going to be dumping all the issues related to my emotionally abusive ex-BF on anyone I might get talking to(!)

If everyone just threw the worst/most challenging/whatever stuff out there right off the bat so as not to "waste" each others' time, I'm guessing they would pass by a lot worthwhile people. It pretty much sounds like an expectation of perfection. Good luck. NO ONE'S perfect. Why lead with one's "flaws"? It's like looking for work. Who would make themselves look like crap on a resumé? Or go into a job interview listing all they aren't good at?

See if it's going anywhere first. No need to short circuit things before they even have a chance to get started.

[cashart10]

I told my husband fairly early on but by that time I had been completely stable for at least a couple of years so there wasn’t much to tell and it wasn’t much of a big deal. I would certainly recommend proceeding with caution though. Get to know each other a bit first.

[~Christina]

There’s no reason to give him the 5 min tour of your mental illness at all right now.

Who knows you could go out for dinner and realize he has horrible table manners or treats restaurant staff lousy.

Just let things flow naturally. If you begin seeing each other regularly then its when you should consider the how, when and to what degree of your Mental illness you want to share.

I think IZ nailed this perfectly !!!

[Tucson]

I guess you can wait until it becomes apparent to him, but I do not know if that would be a good idea. I think it is unreasonable to think that you will be able to with any confidence control when this happens. After all, we are mentally ill. So I think your decision needs to be made with this also in mind.

I think there is wisdom in a mention of the golden rule by a previous poster, that which may not be self-evident to some. IMO I think before the relationship gets too serious, the topic will need to be discussed in some fashion. This would be a thoughtful, considerate, caring thing for you to do for him that could avoid allot of problems in the future for the both of you.

FWIW

I agree with Christina. Innerzone nailed it.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Thanks for everyone’s opinions!!!

[HALLIEBETH87]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

There’s no reason to give him the 5 min tour of your mental illness at all right now.

Who knows you could go out for dinner and realize he has horrible table manners or treats restaurant staff lousy.

Just let things flow naturally. If you begin seeing each other regularly then its when you should consider the how, when and to what degree of your Mental illness you want to share.

I think IZ nailed this perfectly !!!

We ate last night and he’s not rude just quiet. But he talked my head off lol

[~Christina]

Great ! Just be safe and enjoy getting to know him

[HALLIEBETH87]

Thanks lovely.

[sophiebunny]

If you aren't symptomatic and you are stable on meds there is nothing to tell him this early in a relationship. Information on health issues should come long after you hear his childhood stories, whether he enjoys his job or not, and who his friends are. Put the health talk off...unless you think you are too symptomatic to keep it private.