Obsessing About Pdoc's Lecture

*Beth* · Oct 03, 2019 at 06:07 PM

I want to thank each of you, you've all been incredibly insightful and helpful. Clearly, there's plenty of experience with psychiatrists here

So I went to the appointment and told her that I was concerned about our session on Tuesday, and had left the office feeling very upset. To me, she seemed to be taken off guard and a bit shaken. (I firmly believe that not enough people speak out to pdocs and therapists - then the mental health professionals wonder why people stop coming. Well, if people aren't heard - or if, when they explain what's happening for them they get lectured to, are they inclined to return?)

She actually tried to change the subject. I went with that for a few minutes, then brought the dialogue straight back to how upset I was about what I felt was her shaming me. I also asked her what she suggests I should do in case of a genuinely bad med reaction on a week-end (which for her is 3 days of every week).

She denied that she was trying to shame me, but admitted that perhaps she had heard more clearly about the changes I'd made with the Abilify than about the reasons for which I made those changes.

As for what to do about the 3 day week-ends she nodded, that's true, that's true...and told me that I can always go to the ER. And I said that unless I admit myself IP (which I won't), no ER doctor is going to make a med change.

She nodded and yawned (she always yawns when she's uncomfortable).

Then she vaguely commented something about realizing that there might be times when I do need to make a small change myself, blah, blah...

Whatever. I am proud of myself for being upfront instead of canceling. She can be an excellent doctor, and she can be a serious jerk. One action I can take is to being a little notebook in with me and write down the key points of what she says, checking with her that they are correct. That way she can't deflect or gaslight (the "I think you were having a difficult day and misunderstood me" BS).

So I left feeling somewhat disappointed with her, but strong in myself. I'll see her Tuesday afternoon; it'll be interesting to notice her behavior that day.

~Christina · Oct 03, 2019 at 06:15 PM

Over the years I have fiddled with doses and flat quit some meds outright.

I see my Pdoc every 3 months, but he’s always been available to make some changes if need be by phone, he covers 3 different counties so his schedule is packed. But if I really need to see him I will get put in.

My Pdoc has never made me feel bad for making a change or just drop meds with out getting in touch with him. I honestly don’t know how I would react if my Pdoc every treated me that way... yes our providers has good days and bad but to make you feel that why? No no no . Be a damn professional, we are adults not 2 year old toddlers sticking a fork in a electric socket.

People dealing with mental illness are notorious for changing meds or stopping them.. we struggle with some really awful side effects, I mean akathesia ??? It’s horrific !! Who wants to continue swallowing a pill daily that is causing that ???

Sarah is absolutely spot on in addressing this with her. Fantastic advice as always.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

*Beth* · Oct 03, 2019 at 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I’ve got a pdoc who is only available Mon-Thurs.
We have an action plan in place for any eventuality that might occur Fri-Sun. That being said there is only very rarely something that can’t wait. If I have an episode beginning on the days she is not available I’m allowed to manage it by tweaking my meds.

Well, that seems to me to be a reality-based safety net. When I'm 100% honest with a doctor and they return my honesty with a degrading lecture I feel backed into a corner. I kept thinking...next time I won't be honest with her, because I don't want to go through this again.

*Beth* · Oct 03, 2019 at 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Over the years I have fiddled with doses and flat quit some meds outright.

I see my Pdoc every 3 months, but he’s always been available to make some changes if need be by phone, he covers 3 different counties so his schedule is packed. But if I really need to see him I will get put in.

My Pdoc has never made me feel bad for making a change or just drop meds with out getting in touch with him. I honestly don’t know how I would react if my Pdoc every treated me that way... yes our providers has good days and bad but to make you feel that why? No no no . Be a damn professional, we are adults not 2 year old toddlers sticking a fork in a electric socket.

People dealing with mental illness are notorious for changing meds or stopping them.. we struggle with some really awful side effects, I mean akathesia ??? It’s horrific !! Who wants to continue swallowing a pill daily that is causing that ???

Sarah is absolutely spot on in addressing this with her. Fantastic advice as always.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

Excellent points, Christina. Every one. Bottom line, she was not empathize, nor was she compassionate. Your pdoc sounds like he's mature and reality-based.

Blaaaahhh...I have had several run-ins with my psychiatrist over the 2+ years I've seen her. Just about the time I start to slightly trust her she pulls this sh-it on me. Once, in July, my therapist went into a session with Dr. W. and I to mediate. That went incredibly well.

And darned if tonight I'm not coming unglued. Feeling incredibly anxious and like depression keeps putting fingers on me.

Dr. W. is a colleague of my dear, dear therapist...if it wasn't for that I would be at least checking into other pdoc options, just as a possible alternative. Then, too, most of the pdocs I've seen over the years have ranged from weirdos to downright a-holes.

Well, my thoughts are racing so fast it sounds like complete insanity in my mind. Discouraged. My therapist has been out for a week (back on Monday and I have an appt. that day, praise the universe). I had been holding my own really well! Then THIS. Aaaaah...gonna take some ZZZQuil and go to sleep.

~Christina · Oct 04, 2019 at 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Excellent points, Christina. Every one. Bottom line, she was not empathize, nor was she compassionate. Your pdoc sounds like he's mature and reality-based.

Blaaaahhh...I have had several run-ins with my psychiatrist over the 2+ years I've seen her. Just about the time I start to slightly trust her she pulls this sh-it on me. Once, in July, my therapist went into a session with Dr. W. and I to mediate. That went incredibly well.

And darned if tonight I'm not coming unglued. Feeling incredibly anxious and like depression keeps putting fingers on me.

Dr. W. is a colleague of my dear, dear therapist...if it wasn't for that I would be at least checking into other pdoc options, just as a possible alternative. Then, too, most of the pdocs I've seen over the years have ranged from weirdos to downright a-holes.

Well, my thoughts are racing so fast it sounds like complete insanity in my mind. Discouraged. My therapist has been out for a week (back on Monday and I have an appt. that day, praise the universe). I had been holding my own really well! Then THIS. Aaaaah...gonna take some ZZZQuil and go to sleep.

I’m glad you stood your ground and kept guiding her right back to the damn problem.

I have seen a lot of people over the years have Pdocs that I call pill nazis ! Those people I’d like to force feed them psych meds to hopefully induce horrible side effects so they would find more compassion and understanding !!!

*Beth* · Oct 04, 2019 at 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m glad you stood your ground and kept guiding her right back to the damn problem.

I have seen a lot of people over the years have Pdocs that I call pill nazis ! Those people I’d like to force feed them psych meds to hopefully induce horrible side effects so they would find more compassion and understanding !!!

Seriously! That's what I wanted to ask her, "So have you been on this med you're shoving on me?" And yeah, she kept trying to wiggle out of the issue...nope. I kept bringing it back. I figured that the worst she could do was tell me we can't work together anymore, and I didn't particularly care if she did say that.

fern46 · Oct 04, 2019 at 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I want to thank each of you, you've all been incredibly insightful and helpful. Clearly, there's plenty of experience with psychiatrists here

So I went to the appointment and told her that I was concerned about our session on Tuesday, and had left the office feeling very upset. To me, she seemed to be taken off guard and a bit shaken. (I firmly believe that not enough people speak out to pdocs and therapists - then the mental health professionals wonder why people stop coming. Well, if people aren't heard - or if, when they explain what's happening for them they get lectured to, are they inclined to return?)

She actually tried to change the subject. I went with that for a few minutes, then brought the dialogue straight back to how upset I was about what I felt was her shaming me. I also asked her what she suggests I should do in case of a genuinely bad med reaction on a week-end (which for her is 3 days of every week).

She denied that she was trying to shame me, but admitted that perhaps she had heard more clearly about the changes I'd made with the Abilify than about the reasons for which I made those changes.

As for what to do about the 3 day week-ends she nodded, that's true, that's true...and told me that I can always go to the ER. And I said that unless I admit myself IP (which I won't), no ER doctor is going to make a med change.

She nodded and yawned (she always yawns when she's uncomfortable).

Then she vaguely commented something about realizing that there might be times when I do need to make a small change myself, blah, blah...

Whatever. I am proud of myself for being upfront instead of canceling. She can be an excellent doctor, and she can be a serious jerk. One action I can take is to being a little notebook in with me and write down the key points of what she says, checking with her that they are correct. That way she can't deflect or gaslight (the "I think you were having a difficult day and misunderstood me" BS).

So I left feeling somewhat disappointed with her, but strong in myself. I'll see her Tuesday afternoon; it'll be interesting to notice her behavior that day.

You were really brave and set a good example for all of us. Way to go Beth! You didn't get 100% validation and I feel she was probably trying to save face. I do feel like she heard you though. I am hopeful she makes changes that benefit you in the future. You also did a service to her other patients by speaking up. You are right, so many people fail to speak up and they give their power away. Good for you for asking for the respect you deserve.

winter4me · Oct 04, 2019 at 07:15 AM

I hope she has someone providing her with professional supervision...she is a person and flawed after all and it sounds like she needs help to learn how to keep her own reactions/emotions from interfering with her ability to provide therapeutic support and guidance to others. (((((((((((((hug))))))))))))) I think you are a strong person to go into that room not knowing what to expect...I believe clients should know what to expect from a caregiver and it shouldn't include worrying about the caregiver's mood. (I say this as a client and an RN myself)

*Beth* · Oct 04, 2019 at 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

You were really brave and set a good example for all of us. Way to go Beth! Aw, thank you! I'd be truly happy to know that this experience has helped someone else.
You didn't get 100% validation and I feel she was probably trying to save face.
You put that so well...she does a lot of saving face, actually. In fact, that might be a big part of why I don't trust her.
I do feel like she heard you though.

Unless she's deaf, she heard me, alright

I am hopeful she makes changes that benefit you in the future. You also did a service to her other patients by speaking up. You are right, so many people fail to speak up and they give their power away. Good for you for asking for the respect you deserve. I am profoundly touched by this post. Thank you so much, fern.

It's always important for me to speak out for people who feel they can't. I'll consider it all a success if other patients are helped by my rotten experience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Beth* · Oct 04, 2019 at 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by winter4me

I hope she has someone providing her with professional supervision...she is a person and flawed after all and it sounds like she needs help to learn how to keep her own reactions/emotions from interfering with her ability to provide therapeutic support and guidance to others. (((((((((((((hug))))))))))))) I think you are a strong person to go into that room not knowing what to expect...I believe clients should know what to expect from a caregiver and it shouldn't include worrying about the caregiver's mood. (I say this as a client and an RN myself)

Thank you for chiming in, winter!

Yes, the woman needs to do some self-work. I feel darn sorry for those people who do not have the self-worth to speak up to her. Her pride often gets in the way of her professional behavior.

Oct 04, 2019 at 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I want to thank each of you, you've all been incredibly insightful and helpful. Clearly, there's plenty of experience with psychiatrists here

So I went to the appointment and told her that I was concerned about our session on Tuesday, and had left the office feeling very upset. To me, she seemed to be taken off guard and a bit shaken. (I firmly believe that not enough people speak out to pdocs and therapists - then the mental health professionals wonder why people stop coming. Well, if people aren't heard - or if, when they explain what's happening for them they get lectured to, are they inclined to return?)

She actually tried to change the subject. I went with that for a few minutes, then brought the dialogue straight back to how upset I was about what I felt was her shaming me. I also asked her what she suggests I should do in case of a genuinely bad med reaction on a week-end (which for her is 3 days of every week).

She denied that she was trying to shame me, but admitted that perhaps she had heard more clearly about the changes I'd made with the Abilify than about the reasons for which I made those changes.

As for what to do about the 3 day week-ends she nodded, that's true, that's true...and told me that I can always go to the ER. And I said that unless I admit myself IP (which I won't), no ER doctor is going to make a med change.

She nodded and yawned (she always yawns when she's uncomfortable).

Then she vaguely commented something about realizing that there might be times when I do need to make a small change myself, blah, blah...

Whatever. I am proud of myself for being upfront instead of canceling. She can be an excellent doctor, and she can be a serious jerk. One action I can take is to being a little notebook in with me and write down the key points of what she says, checking with her that they are correct. That way she can't deflect or gaslight (the "I think you were having a difficult day and misunderstood me" BS).

So I left feeling somewhat disappointed with her, but strong in myself. I'll see her Tuesday afternoon; it'll be interesting to notice her behavior that day.

I agree with the others just above who said you nailed this talk! And I think your ideas for note taking sound excellent.

I'm sorry that a little after you wrote the above you started to feel some negative feelings seeping through. Please remind yourself of the great job you did.

I wish your psychiatrist would have taken a bit more responsibility for her far from perfect reactions. Sadly, some people are never willing to apologize for much of anything, or do so in the least way possible. That's her issue, though. It is a shame, however, that you have to deal with her issues to a degree. I know we don't need that extra burden.

*Beth* · Oct 04, 2019 at 01:50 PM

Thank you so very much, Birdie. I'm feeling better today, after a pretty decent night's sleep.

As for Dr. W. - yeah, she dropped the ball. I'll be so relieved to discuss this with my therapist, because I'm fully aware that I mess myself up by taking certain behaviors so personally. It's something I need to work on.

Dr. W. has shown me several times over the past many months that she does not handle stress well, is moody, kind of weird, and has a very hard time taking responsibility for herself. I don't truly trust her, but she's good at choosing meds, she's timely, has gone so far as to call my GP to get me in faster for an appointment. I need a pdoc, but I also need to allow her crap to be hers, not mine.

I'm so tremendously grateful for the input and support I've received on this thread.

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