[BatsBelfry]

Are your your disease? Are you your Bipolar? My therapist has suggested that I have become my disease. That it has consumed me since my diagnosis 2 plus years ago. I'm not sure how to take this. Does anyone else feel this way or have been told this? I do think about it a lot. As you can see from my signature I have a few diagnosis but I feel like anxiety and bipolar are the main two that rule my life. How does one become their disease though? Or maybe a better question is how does someone stop?

[unicornlady]

No, no, no. I have a strong negative reaction to this. How could they tell you such a thing? You've only been diagnosed for 2 years, how could you possibly have everything figured out yet? I can understand why this would be bothering you. No matter what has happened, you've still just been diagnosed recently. I hope you don't take their comment to heart and that you can work through this. I am still separating out what is me and what is the bipolar, and how much of that do I accept as a part of myself, and I've been diagnosed for 7 years now. Not much compared to some people on here, but still. You're not going through this alone. You're not the only one, and you are not your disease.

Edit: As for how do you stop, I think it would be working towards stability. If you're already doing that, then you're already not your disease.

[fern46]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. That does seem like a harsh message to accept. I don't feel like your therapist would have said something this strong though if he or she wasn't concerned you're losing your identity a bit. I think we sometimes have a tendency to view everything through a bipolar lens, but there are so many other parts of ourselves to explore. We need to be vigilant and realize when we are not in control, but we don't need to watch ourselves so closely that we forget to live and experience joy. It is a balancing act.

My advice would be to brainstorm a list of the things you are or enjoy that have nothing to do with bipolar disorder. Maybe you're an artist or a writer or maybe you enjoy the outdoors. Maybe you're a good friend or great at your job. Whatever. Then spend time immersing yourself in those things. Even if they feel a bit less enjoyable now, push yourself to do them. Reconnect with what makes you you. That way maybe you will have some material to discuss with your therapist that isn't about bipolar and is more about you as a person. If none of those options sound good, make an effort to try something new. Redefine yourself instead of reconnecting. Sometimes the old parts of us need to fall away, but you need to replace it with something better and not just the ups and downs of bipolar disorder.

You are definitely not your disease. You are what you choose to be in the moment. Choose well.

[BatsBelfry]

Fern46, thank you so much for your reply. It was really well written. I am trying to find joy in things. Joy in things a used to find joy in before. It's hard to force myself to do that.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by BatsBelfry

Fern46, thank you so much for your reply. It was really well written. I am trying to find joy in things. Joy in things a used to find joy in before. It's hard to force myself to do that.

Happy to help. You are open to joy so be kind to yourself and know you've already tackled one of the hardest parts. I feel you in that it is hard to force yourself. I think part of that is maybe we change and our tastes change when we are in different moods, but some of it also seems to stem from the effects the medications have on us. Give yourself a little latitude there. Just try some things out with an open mind and be open to joy so it can come in when the timing is right. The more you do, the more opportunity you create for yourself. It won't always work and there's nothing wrong with you when it doesn't. Maybe joy will feel at first like an activity not totally sucking and then maybe it will feel mostly ok and then in time maybe it turns into legit joy. It might take a while, so just keep the faith. You'll be in a dark hole if you drop hope that you can live a happy and full life again.

It is kind of like using coping skills. The goal isn't necessarily to love what you're doing. You're just trying to pull yourself out of whatever state you're in so you can disrupt the pattern and create something new for yourself. A bunch of seemingly insignificant experiences can then add up to make a pretty ok day. You focus on the tasks instead of how you're feeling and it helps shift your mood. I think the idea is it is hard to be anything other than your mood when you are hyperfocused on your mood. I am a big believer that our thoughts create our reality, so just do your best to take your mind to a variety of places so that you don't get stuck in bipolar land. I get that it is hard not to focus on something as huge and consuming as this can feel, but maybe make a game out if it and reward yourself somehow each time you try something new or push through an activity you didn't initially feel like doing. You just have to find a strategy that works for you and that can take time. Just be as proactive as you can and love yourself for trying.

[sarahsweets]

Hey @BatsBelfry

Originally Posted by BatsBelfry

Are your your disease? Are you your Bipolar? My therapist has suggested that I have become my disease.

Who told you bipolar is a disease?? If it was your doctor then they need to read up on the difference between diseases and mental health disorders. And to tell you you have become your "disease" is ridiculous and wreckless.

Originally Posted by BatsBelfry

Are your your disease? Are you your Bipolar? My therapist has suggested that I have become my disease. That it has consumed me since my diagnosis 2 plus years ago. I'm not sure how to take this. Does anyone else feel this way or have been told this? I do think about it a lot. As you can see from my signature I have a few diagnosis but I feel like anxiety and bipolar are the main two that rule my life. How does one become their disease though? Or maybe a better question is how does someone stop?

I am guilty of this (maybe not so much with the bipolar, but with my other diagnoses)

too often you will hear me say: well, I don't do this now because of this, or I feel this way because I have this, or what ever- and I admit that usually it's one of the first things I tell people, I have this, this, this and this

I think some stuff for me is handled better than others.

my chronic pain, for instance, it's not handled good (and nor is my bipolar), however: my anxiety is a little better. I mean I don't do outragious things, but I'm always trying new experiences to help with my anxiety

[*Beth*]

I think it's odd to tell someone that they are their mental illness - and yet, I feel confused when people say I'm not my bipolar disorder. I feel like that is who I am...that my disorder and I are inseparable. The brain of a person with BD is not the same as other people's brains. I feel that being bipolar is just a part of my identity.

Before my diagnosis, I knew that I had periods (episodes) that were quite serious, but I would always brush them after afterwards, to varying degrees, as almost a "brain flu". Then I considered them gone. But they kept coming back , intermittently. However, during my very worst years, the illness did consume me. I'm not exactly sure I'd say "I was my illness", but the whole being consumed by it, was similar.

I still have breakthrough episodes a lot, especially hypomania. I also consider my baseline mood/personality as being pretty high energy, half glass full (upbeat), humor loving, and expansive, so who I am as a person may seem influenced by bipolar disorder to some. I can say that I am not a depressive person by nature. When I'm depressed, unmotivated, low energy, it's NOT me. Nowadays, I can better recognize when I'm becoming more high energy than usual, but not always and sometimes it take a little time for the light to go on that my illness is kicking in.

[BatsBelfry]

Thank you all for your kind words. Calling BP a disease was my description not the therapist. Sorry if I offended anyone.