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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#1
I've been seeing my pdoc for 2 years. Most of the time she goes the extra mile for me. She's moody, however; when her mood is bad it's very hard to be around her.
At my appointment 2 days ago I told her that I had slightly changed my Abilify dose. She flipped out and gave me a stern lecture on why I shouldn't change my dose without contacting her (including that she's responsible if I change my dose and have a negative result). But here's the thing: she works only Tuesday through Friday. The clinic I go to is free. There is absolutely no back-up for the 3 days my pdoc is not in the office. I'm feeling terrible hurt about her lecture, and am obsessing about it. I'm in a special program for "severely mentally ill" so I'll see her again today (I see her frequently). Any ideas? What should I say to her about her reaming me? I am so angry. Or should I just cancel today's appointment until I speak with my therapist on Monday (she and my pdoc work together)? Give me some ideas. Thanks! __________________ |
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#2
I say be honest. Say it from the heart.
"My feelings were hurt when last met and discussed my medication. I completely understand where you are coming from but I was feeling hurt and ashamed by your reaction and tone. If you need to discuss something like that with me again can you just be sensitive to my emotional state?" Or something along those lines. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#3
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Thank you, so much __________________ |
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#4
Are you frustrated with the essence of the message, or the way she delivered it? Perhaps she could have expressed her displeasure in a more calm way. Do you think you would have accepted the message then?
I can see her being upset. She has the very difficult job of trying to balance your meds to theraputic levels. That often takes a lot of time and trial and error. It must be frustrating when a patient decides to tinker with the levels on their own. I'm glad you were honest though. I'm not sure what she means about being responsible if you have a negative result. People experience negative results on meds all the time and I've never known a pdoc to be reprimanded for it or held accountable in any other way than perhaps feeling bad about it. She may hold herself personally responsible, but she shouldn't put that on you. I feel the issue is more that getting your meds right is like executing a complex chemistry experiment. The scientist works hard to control all of the variables to give them the best chance at achieving the expected result. You dorked with the variables without her consent and now she has to rework the plan. I do think in the future you could consider running changes like this by her. Waiting a few days is not a huge deal unless you're in an emergency in which case you should see an emergency doctor for that. I would keep the appointment and explain why you wanted to change your meds so she can know clearly what kind of effect you were going for. Then she can decide if your change was correct or if another alteration is warranted. Don't worry too much about her slapping your wrist. Just go get the help you need now and maybe consider changing docs if she continues to treat you poorly. An apology might go a long way toward clearing the air, but it is obviously not required. It is your body and ultimately your decision how to treat it. |
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
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#5
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#6
I hear you. It stinks she reacted so strongly and that she didn't bother to understand why you made the change. I think it is completely fair to ask her for a plan of action when her office is closed to you. You definitely cannot carry on with her plan if it is unsafe.
Sometimes teammates treat us badly, but they are still teammates. Hopefully you can find a way to be comfortable with her again. I'm wishing you all the best today! |
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catches the flowers
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#7
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Thank you so much, fern. And maybe this is, in a way, a good thing. She and I have never discussed what I should do if I have a psych issue during the 3 days when there is no one to contact. It's beyond time that we had some kind of plan. __________________ |
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#8
Is there a psych ER near you? They shoud see you no matter what.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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#9
Hi BethRags. I understand the discomfort of having mental health providers clearly showing bad moods/stress. I've experienced that with a few in the past. Even my long-time psychiatrist can come across as grumpy on occasion. Or even yell. He can also be a wet blanket. If it is a constant, that can be good reason to change a doctor/therapist, but if it is a temporary thing, perhaps if it affects you negatively, it's good to tell them. They are human with problems in life, too. However, if there is ever a doctor or other service provider that should try extra extra hard to regulate such emotions at work, it is a psychiatrist and therapist. Us psych patients are often very easily triggered.
I have received the same exact lecture you received from my psychiatrist a few times. The last time he delivered it in a very appropriate and calm way. To that, I took it well and the lecture achieved what it was supposed to. The other times, it was in response to me not just adjusting my own medications, but even quitting one (or more). That sparked a much angrier reaction, which I now feel was also justified. Plus, I think it was more stemming from caring. Yes, some docs need not (or should not) respond angrily, but sometimes it can be a "jolt" of sorts. What I'm willing to take from my current long-time psychiatrist may not be what I'd take from another. And it goes the other way, too. Please do talk to your doctor about how you feel. I wouldn't cancel the appointment. Talking, not running away, is something we must all do to help ourselves and others. It could help your psychiatrist. Last edited by Anonymous46341; Oct 03, 2019 at 09:56 AM.. |
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
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#10
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#11
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#12
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#13
Of course, I don't know your pdoc, but I have had many (like lots of us) over the years. Like @BirdDancer, I have actually d/c'd meds without telling my pdoc until the next scheduled visit. The response has varied. My current and best-ever by far pdoc just nods his head and listens. He knows me now after several years and he trusts that I would not do something like stop a major med for zero reason. But I have also been dressed down. I suspect that all the energy you were experiencing as she spoke to you was more about her than you. I'm sure she worried that, had you had an adverse reaction to your med change while she was totally unaware of what was happening with you, that something bad could happen. So it was probably a stress reaction in her. Just my two cents.
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#14
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ __________________ |
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#15
I want to thank each of you for your outstanding input. I now feel much more courageous about bringing this up with her.
I will post later, after my appointment with her. __________________ |
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#16
I am sorry you experienced a reaction from your pdoc that made you feel shamed. Listening to why you stopped a medication is important so they can figure out what barriers exist and help you work out a plan that will work for you. I can understand why a pdoc would be concerned about a patient stopping medication without talking to them, because they could have a reaction to stopping the medication of some sort, but doesn't sound like they handled it in a way that worked for you. As others have said, maybe talking to them about how that interaction made you feel would be useful. Also perhaps coming up with an agreement about how you will handle wanting/needing to stop meds in the future?
On a related noted, one time due to a reaction I talked to my pdoc on the phone and we decided to stop the med, but he forgot by the next appointment and thought we agreed to only lower it. So then when I told him at the next appointment I had stopped it he seemed taken aback and asked me a little accusingly why? I explained that we had talked about it and then he was like oh, right we did. Haha. I guess it was a bit of a knee jerk reaction from him. |
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catches the flowers
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#17
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catches the flowers
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Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#18
I want to thank each of you, you've all been incredibly insightful and helpful. Clearly, there's plenty of experience with psychiatrists here
So I went to the appointment and told her that I was concerned about our session on Tuesday, and had left the office feeling very upset. To me, she seemed to be taken off guard and a bit shaken. (I firmly believe that not enough people speak out to pdocs and therapists - then the mental health professionals wonder why people stop coming. Well, if people aren't heard - or if, when they explain what's happening for them they get lectured to, are they inclined to return?) She actually tried to change the subject. I went with that for a few minutes, then brought the dialogue straight back to how upset I was about what I felt was her shaming me. I also asked her what she suggests I should do in case of a genuinely bad med reaction on a week-end (which for her is 3 days of every week). She denied that she was trying to shame me, but admitted that perhaps she had heard more clearly about the changes I'd made with the Abilify than about the reasons for which I made those changes. As for what to do about the 3 day week-ends she nodded, that's true, that's true...and told me that I can always go to the ER. And I said that unless I admit myself IP (which I won't), no ER doctor is going to make a med change. She nodded and yawned (she always yawns when she's uncomfortable). Then she vaguely commented something about realizing that there might be times when I do need to make a small change myself, blah, blah... Whatever. I am proud of myself for being upfront instead of canceling. She can be an excellent doctor, and she can be a serious jerk. One action I can take is to being a little notebook in with me and write down the key points of what she says, checking with her that they are correct. That way she can't deflect or gaslight (the "I think you were having a difficult day and misunderstood me" BS). So I left feeling somewhat disappointed with her, but strong in myself. I'll see her Tuesday afternoon; it'll be interesting to notice her behavior that day. __________________ |
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#19
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
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#20
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