[SorryShaped]

As some of you know, I had part of my colon removed in early February leaving me with a colostomy and my entire life on hold. My ex, whom most of you don't approve of my "friends with benefits" relationship with, has been a big help. Today, I got a call saying they are finally able to schedule the reversal surgery next week. This is a godsend to me. This means I don't have to continue down this path of hating being alive because I feel so captive to my physical condition. However, my ex is trying to get me to not get the surgery yet, to wait longer, and I mentally cannot fathom waiting another day that I don't have to. She is supposed to be the person to help me after the surgery but she's upset about several things. I will have to have a covid-19 test, then self isolate several days, then a colonoscopy, all before I can be reattached. She's not going to be allowed in the hospital during this time. I understand her concern because when I had the surgery after the rupture, I couldn't focus enough to press the pain pump button for days and had to be reminded it was there. I hurt so bad I couldn't figure out what was going on. I may have to lay there a few days and not move. That might be what it takes until I can get better. The hospital position on visitors is going to be zero for a long time. I mentally cannot continue to live this way physically. I feel bad that I can't give my friend what she wants but I can't understand why she doesn't want me to be whole again. I feel like she wants me to stay this way so she can keep helping me and thus controlling me to a point. Control was a big behaviors problem in our relationship and is with all the kids and her. I told her to stop her negativities because I don't want or need them. I don't know what else to do. I might need help after surgery but if her behavior continues like this I will have to go it alone.

[Raindropvampire]

You have to do what's best for you. If she does bail because you do it against her wishes can you get a home health nurse/aide to help if you don't have anyone else? I can't comprehend why she'd want you to wait if it means so much to you. I mean yes it sucks she can't visit but but that's her issue to deal with not your's.

Good luck to you and best wishes for your surgery and recovery.

[*Beth*]

I agree with Raindropvampire. I understand that it's important to consider your ex's feelings, but if you need to have surgery, well...that's more important and necessary than how anyone but you feels.