Bipolar check in #39

Gorgeous hair! It’s a nice picture.

it much worse than they said before. Mum has bilateral kidney infection that's affected her heart. They'd drawn blood 4 times but where she is admitted depends on the next blood draw at 8. That will determine what floor and what hospital, here or Rochester

Thoughts and prayers for you and your mum Nammu

Nammu Thinking of you both

Nammu, Prayers for you and your mum.

Thanks

I’m glad your going to make the call

I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers Nammu

Thanks

Thanks

Oh no I hope they can get a handle on things quickly

My heart is with you Nammu!

I`ve had a couple of days where it was difficult to sleep. That`s so surprise though I`ve dealt with anxiety a long time. Anyway I just felt dreadful today. My Mom and sister even noticed that I was not feeling well. I did get out of bed and manage to make my Mom ,dad and sister lunch. After that my Mom and I went to mail a few things then we went through the drive thru and she got us a treat. Finally we got home. I took a shower and laid down in bed for a bit . I`m still feeling tired though. I hope tomorrow will be better. I hope all of you have a happy, safe weekend.

I want to thank everyone for the well wishes, means a lot to me.

Thinking of you both, love and hugs

Gorgeous!!!!
bizi

Having a great time today with @MarcusAurelius and just want to be wild wild wild!!! Alcohol is out as i don't like it. Drugs? I just finished an ep of having trouble making contact with reality so a big no. All i can think of to do is go to my mental health drop-in art studio afternoon tomorrow. At least there will be people there willing to have fun tho it will be a structured afternoon but maybe i can let off some energy and have some yuks.

I went to OA tonight and i think that is the last time. I "shared" for the first time and "spoke my truth" and got about what i expected back which was nothing. I don't like sharing in support groups. It does nothing for me and just frustrates me. I don't know what people get out of it. I can stay at home and say those things to my wall and it's the same experience.

It's actually harmful for me to "share" in support groups because it makes me feel ignored and invisible and i already have a lot of pain around those feelings as it is. I don't need more evidence that no one hears me and that no one sees me. Those people are all dull anyways.

At the tail end of a five day heat wave. I did manage to get to the beach for a swim three times then my sports doctor and physiotherapist told me to stay off the sand until my hip is past the acute phase of the injury. Now they have a better idea of what is wrong with my hip I should respond better to treatment. It is just going to be difficult limiting myself with the weather warming up.

My stomach has improved slightly. I think it is because of all the crying (stress release) I have been doing in the last few days since seeing my T. The trauma is hitting hard right now. My T wants me to journal but so far I have been too scared to write things down in detail. It is all so confronting. I swing from wanting to be very social to wanting to run and hide all day. I can get overwhelmed quickly. Still, I want to push on in therapy as I feel I am making progress.

Amazingly, the Bipolar is still silent. Even under all this stress. It is wonderful when medications actually work. I have been episode free for eight months. That is a long time for me. Today is my sisters birthday. We are having lunch at a sushi-train restaurant with her kids and my parents. It will be fun. This stomach thing crippled me this last week so my list of things to do is getting long. Hopefully I will have a more productive week next week. I am going to try and get back into university in 2020. At the least it will give me something positive to focus on while I get myself sorted to be well enough to work again. It is so hard to plan for the future with so many illnesses. My main goal right now is to get better at being 'present' in my body, and to live in the moment. I do have some great moments of peace when I nail it. I am even using positive affirmations (that idea used to make me feel sick) now to self-soothe. It actually helps. No one rescued me as a child. Now I am rescuing myself.

I don’t think I’ve had a fun Friday night as this in a long time, thanks for being part of it @whatever2013! I definitely get where you are coming from with support groups. My experiences with support groups have bee similar. It’s nice to have input and know you’re not alone, but in the end to receive the therapeutic benefit, you have to feel heard and like an important part of the group. Support groups are set up with good intentions, but people often fall into bad habits. It reminds me a lot of when I was teaching, you’d think the kids you teach would be the ones with petty problems and gossip spreading… well guess again. Support groups are kind of the same way – people are there for themselves (not necessarily a bad thing) but forget they are there to support others with their experience, just as they look for support. Instead you get cliques and those whose problems are much worse than yours or those who look down on you for your own shortcomings. They never really are a level playing field that is a true safe space… in my experience. Other may have had some wonderful ones.


My point being don’t feel bad about the meeting. You deserve quality support and they just weren’t bringing it to the table for you. While I can’t relate well with OA, as a general part of a community that is supportive and caring, I’m always here to listen just like many others here! We may not be experts or share the experiences, but we are great listeners and care. 😊

Oh my! !! i am just now checking in on the forum tonight, so am slow to respond, Nammu. Many prayers for you and your mom.

Sending much Love and Support!

Mum is on her way to Rochester. I'm heading over in the morning. She did stabilize and told me not to come tonight. What a long day.